EMW East Meets West!
by The Chad
Summary: Some fight for love, others fight for hate. Some fight for honor, greed, or power. For some it's a passion, for others it's an obsession. Some crave the spotlight, while others operate in the dark. Welcome to EMW. CHAPTER 16 IS FINALLY DONE!
1. East Meets West!

"What it's time for, is to find out who the phony tough is, and who's the crazy brave."

                                                           -The Undertaker, WWF/WCW/ECW Invasion

"Why does he fight?  Why?  You keep fighting to find that answer." 

                                                           -Sakura Kasugano, Street Fighter Alpha: The Movie 

"If it's dirty, wash it.  If it's hairy, clip it.  And if it needs exfoliating, call a plumber or your local clergyman."

                                -Red Green, The Red Green Show

**EAST MEETS WEST…TO KICK ASS!!!**

By 

The Chad

The pyros flared, the fireworks exploded, the spotlights soared over the arena, and Bon Jovi's "It's My Life" blared from the stadium speakers at the highest volume setting of  "Pretty-damn-loud" (It's right after the volume setting of 10).  This was nothing compared to the audience.  The filled-to-capacity crowd roared at the beginning of what was sure to be one hell of a violence-filled, fan-service, chalk-full-of-action night!  This

is what Sports Entertainment is all about!  Yeah Baby!

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen," A familiar Southern drawl sounded from behind the commentator's table.  "'Good Ol' J.R.', Jim Ross, here along with Jerry 'The King' Lawler, welcoming you to what is sure to be the greatest night of cross-over fighting sports entertainment fan fiction action ever!  We welcome you to EAST MEETS WEST!!!"  As the man in the black Resistol cowboy hat shouted into his headset microphone, the people watching at home cheered in utter joy, for it meant the pay-per-view they shelled out forty bucks to see had finally begun.  The people in the live audience, however, couldn't hear him over their own cheering.

"That's right J.R.," A very excited King agreed from beside J.R., completing the A-Team of commentating.  "Tonight, we have eighteen magnificent matches for you!  Including a Hell in a Cell, a Mixed Tag match, and, get this J.R., a Bra and Panties match!  WOO-HOO!  Bra and Panties!  Bra and Panties!"  Jerry Lawler jumped up and down in his chair like a kid at Christmas.  

"Calm down King," J.R. chided the old time wrestling star in tights and a crown, then turned his attention back to the fans. "He's right folks!  Tonight, some of the biggest American pop culture icons, including Superman, Zorro, and some of our very own WWE Superstars, will face off against some of the best Japanese characters from anime and fighting games.  Names like Son Goku, Ranma Saotome, and members of the Street Fighters Tournament will all be in action tonight!"

"Of course we can't do this all by ourselves J.R.," King prompted his partner.

"That's right, King.  We now take you to the back, where the other two commentating teams for this evening are waiting to join us ring-side later tonight."

* * * * * 

In the back, four figures eagerly awaited their turn at the commentating table, and each held a microphone.  Two teenage boys in tuxedoes, one with black hair and rather bland expression, the other had unruly white hair, red eyes, a pale complexion, but also a look of utter excitement and joy on his face, made the first alternate commentating team, Daisuke and Hiroshi.  The second pairing was even more unique.  A "little" black duck, in an orange sports coat and bow tie and an attractive woman with red-brown hair, dressed in a yellow jump suit, the commentating team of Daffy Duck and April O' Neil.  

"Good evening, Hiroshi, Daisuke, April, Daffy," J.R.'s voice rang in their earpieces.  

"Good evening J.R., King," April was the first to return the greeting.

"Helloooo April!" King's voice sung into the scene.  April promptly ignored him.      

"S'up guys?" Daffy slurred into his microphone (Thank God for microphone guards).

"Evening J.R.," Daisuke said in a tone that said "Well, I have nothing better to do tonight".  Hiroshi, on the other hand, looked overjoyed, and was nearly vibrating with excitement, but said nothing.    

"Are you all ready for tonight?" J.R. began what was to be a small line of questioning.

"We sure are J.R.," A perpetually bland Daisuke said next to Hiroshi, who still looked like he was about to burst with excitement.  "Although I have to think--."  Poor Hiroshi couldn't hold it in any longer.

"ARE…YOU…READY…FOR…SOME…!!!!"

"NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!" Daisuke, showing an uncharacteristic amount of emotion, shouted as he tackled his fellow cloned commentating partner and best friend.  Unfortunately, they collided right into Daffy, sending a few black feathers flying along with them.  

"Hey!  Watch it, Paleface," Daffy complained to the cloned commentators on top of him, commenting on their current skin complexion (Wow, try saying that five times fast).   

"Sorry about that," Daisuke said as he removed himself from the tangled mess. "Hiroshi has a hyper tendency to cause trouble.  Not to mention law suits."  

"Yeah," Hiroshi chuckled nervously.  "I kinda get carried away.  Sorry."  

"Next time," Daffy said as he pushed Hiroshi off of him.  "Get carried away in the opposite direction of me."

"Anyway," J.R. interrupted, desperate to change the subject as April helped the three commentators right themselves.  "Hiroshi and Daisuke, you're both from Japan, correct?"  
  


"That's right J.R.," Hiroshi proudly exclaimed, never one to let current events deter his enthusiasm.  "We proudly hail forth from the Land of the Rising Sun!"

"Right," Daisuke rolled his eyes at his over excited partner.  

"So how come we can understand you?" King piped up with a very important question regarding this eventful evening.

"Interesting fact, King," Daisuke began what was sure to be an educated and informative explanation, but, unfortunately, he was interrupted by Hiroshi. 

"That's right!" The hyper white haired commentator blurted out.  "We have universal translators!  I can speak in any language and you can understand me perfectly!  I can say something in Spanish!  Como dante-o esta- Wait that's not right.  Como donde niner- Uhhh." 

"Did I hear a 'niner' in there?" Daffy wondered out loud.

"Unfortunately," Daisuke interrupted this rather embarrassing display.  "Hiroshi doesn't know how to speak Spanish."  

"Oh," Hiroshi sheepishly sweatdropped.  "Right.  A-heh."      

"But nonetheless, he's right," Daisuke allowed his friend to save some face.  "Tonight, all of the equipment has been fitted with universal translators.  So no matter where tonight's fighters come from, we should always be able to understand them."                            

"Wow," King…'wowed'.  "That's amazing."

"Yeah," Daffy agreed snidely.  "Too bad it can't help Hiroshi's intelligence."

"Or Daffy's lisp," Hiroshi shot back, smiling.

"Hey," Daffy shouted defensively.  "Don't mess with me, Clone Boy." 

"Oh yeah?!?  Just bring it, Duck!"  

As Daisuke attempted to hold his friend back from the taunting Daffy, April took the initiative and ended the interview.  

"We'll see you later tonight," She smiled as she stepped in front of the bickering commentators.  "Back to you, J.R."

* * * * *

"Thank you, April.  We'll see you and Daffy out here for the second match of this evening," J.R. suddenly remembered what he just saw.  "I hope."

"So do I," King happily agreed.  "I want to see April O'Neil as much as possible! Woo hoo!"  

"Calm down, King," J.R. commented.  "We'll see them all again later.  But first, we have to get these exciting matches underway."    

"Yeah J.R., but there's one thing bothering me," King said as he looked off to the side of the ring, not too far beyond J.R.

"What's that King?"

"The time keeper over there," King responded, pointing at the figure sitting next to the ringbell.  "He's creeping me out."

Sure enough, the tall figure sitting next to the ring bell was an imposing one.  Covered completely in black robes, and his face covered in shadow by a hood.  It seemed as if Death itself was going to keep time for this momentous event, except for the fact that he held a small hammer instead of a tall, sharp sickle.  

"I see what you mean, King," J.R. peered at the dark and unsettling figure, not ten feet next to him.  

"Ladies and Gentlemen," A blond mustached man wearing sunglasses and holding a microphone said from the middle of the ring, interrupting King and J.R.'s train of thought. 

"Welcome to the first ever EMW Pay-Per-View extravaganza!!!"  The Tenkaichi Budoukai Announcer continued and crowd roared in excitement, which the seasoned ring announcer was well expecting.  "Are you ready for some non-stop fighting action?!?"

The crowd roared it's positive response.

"Great!!!"  The Announcer continued.  "But first, allow me to explain the ways to win a match here on EMW!"

"A fighter can win a match by pin fall or submission.  A fighter can also win his or her match if they render their opponent unconscious, or their opponent is disqualified due to outside interference.  The final way to win a match is if one fighter completes a special match stipulation.  Like in our first match, which is a 'Nightstick-on-a-Pole Match'!"

            "Wow," King chuckled.  "Talk about a segway!"

A loud heavy metal bass guitar played a repetitive entrance theme as a husky man wearing a black SWAT uniform and "Southern Sheriff" sunglasses made his way out from the backstage and down the entrance ramp.

"Making his way to the ring," The Announcer began his first introduction of the evening.  "From Cobb County, Georgia, weighing in at 315 pounds, the Big Boss Man!"

His goatee and crewcut made him look a lot like a tough Southern cop, and the small gold star on his flank jacket only served to drive the point home.  It looks like the only thing missing was his nightstick, which is currently hanging on the top of a pole in a corner of the ring.   

"It's been a while since we've seen Big Boss Man without his nightstick, isn't it King?"  J.R. asked.

"Yeah," The King agreed.  "It's up on that pole there, and whoever climbs up there and grabs it can use it to win the match."

"I'd hate to be his opponent if Boss Man gets to his favorite weapon of choice first, J.R. commented.  "He must be in a real bad mood without it."

"He's ALWAYS in a bad mood, J.R.," King said.  "Now he's just worse.  Who is his opponent anyway?"   

o/` Ah-Ah!

Here We Go Now! o/`

            Dressed in a uniform that could only be described as a cross between a police officer's and an airline stewardess's, with a very off-center fluffy bunny tail, a very cute, blue-eyed, tan-skinned, buxom blond cheerfully strolled out of the entrance way and down the ramp to the equally bouncy tune of  "Soda Pop" by Britney Spears.  

o/` Mm-hmm!  Soda Pop!  Watch it Fizz and Pop!

The Clock is Tickin' and We Can't Stop!  Can't Stop Now!

Mm-hmm!  Soda Pop!  Bop, Shu-bop!

The Clock is Tickin' and We Can't Stop! o/`

            "And his opponent," The Announcer shouted with slight reservation.  "From Okayama, Japan, Galaxy Police Detective First-class, Mihoshi Kuramitsu!"

            As Mihoshi bounced down the ramp, she cheerfully and innocently waved to the cheering crowd as if she were flagging down a group of friends.  The Big Boss Man just waited in the ring, a predatory smile on his face and an evil glint in his sunglasses.

            "Hi everyone!"  Mihoshi smiled and shouted.  "Gee, there sure is a lot of people.  I wonder what they're here for."

            "What the?!?" King shouted in confusion.  "SHE'S going to fight Big Boss Man in a 'Nightstick-on-a-Pole Match'?!?  This can't be fair!" 

            "Whose god awful idea was this match anyway?"  J.R. angrily wondered.

_-_-_-_-_

            Somewhere in the arena, a dark, caped figure smiles.

* * * * *

As Mihoshi climbed through the ring ropes, her foot caught on the bottom one, and she ended up flat on her face in the ring.  

"Owwie," Mihoshi moaned as she rose to her knees, tears beginning to form in her big blue eyes.  "That hurt."

Boss Man only chuckled cruelly, right before he charged forward to attack.

"Look Out!"  J.R. shouted to Mihoshi.   

To Be Continued…


	2. Police Brutallity!

[NIGHTSTICK-ON-A-POLE MATCH]

[BIG BOSS MAN]

[VS.]

[MIHOSHI  KURAMITSU]

[*DING!*]

            "Huh?"  The crying Galaxy Police detective looked up to see a burly man racing towards her.  However, she only noticed the shiny gold star on his chest.  "Oh! Are you a police officer too?"

            Immediately, Mihoshi shot up and stood at attention, happily saluting her fellow officer as she did so.  

            "Galaxy Police Detective First-class Mihoshi Kuramitsu, at your service sir!"  Unfortunately (Or incredibly fortunate depending on how you look at it), Mihoshi's salute was timed just right, so that it hit Big Boss Man on the chin as he charged forward, neatly turning the show of admiration into a decently devastating uppercut.  

            "UGH!"  Was all Boss Man could manage as he staggered backwards.  

            "And Mihoshi starts off with a devastating uppercut!"  J.R. cheered from ringside.

            "Wow!"  King agreed.  "What a lucky shot!  I just hope she can do it again!"

            Unfortunately (No, this time it really is), Mihoshi's lucky shot only stunned the Big Boss Man.  The burly ex-prison guard quickly recovered and resumed his attack with a vengeance.

            Mihoshi was as clueless as ever.

            "I know I have my I.D. here somewhere," The cute blond said as she dug through her uniform, scattering around miscellaneous items as she did so (Among them a teddy bear, a pair of sun glasses, a Mickey Mantle baseball card, a left foot roller skate, a television remote [Hey!  I've been looking for that!], and a key destined to unlock all of the secrets and mysteries of the universe [She's been using it as a coaster]).  "Wait a minute.  I'll find it.  Hold on." 

            But the Big Boss Man wasn't about to "wait a minute".  He was again charging towards Mihoshi at full speed.  

            "Oh, here it is!"  Mihoshi cheered as she kneeled down to pick up a small pen-like object. 

            "You're going down you little b--WAAOOHH!!!"  Boss Man's shouted in his Southern drawl as he tripped over the kneeling Mihoshi, sending him sailing over the top rope and to the thin padding on the floor outside of the ring.  

            "How'd she do that?"  The King shouted to no one in particular.

            "I don't know, King," J.R. offered.  "What do you even call a move like that?"

            "Weird," King answered with a smirk.

            "Huh?"  Mihoshi said as she stood up with her I.D.  "Where'd he go?" 

At that moment, Big Boss Man was scrambling to climb back into the ring and he was angrier than ever.  In fact, he was down right pissed off, and he would've attacked Mihoshi from behind…That is, if she hadn't turned around and slipped on the teddy bear she dropped earlier.

            "Whoa!!!"  The defective detective shouted as her legs were taken out from under her.  This action caused one of her flailing legs to catch Big Boss Man hard on the chin as he charged towards her. 

            "AGRH!"  Was Boss Man's phrase of choice as he staggered backwards once more.  However, he soon recovered and reached into one of the pockets of his black flak jacket.  "Oh, that is the last straw!"

            From his flak jacket Big Boss Man produced a set of brass knuckles, and discreetly slipped them on his right hand.

            "What are those?"  J.R. pondered over what the Cobb County cop placed on his right hand.  Then he noticed a familiar glint on Boss Man's knuckles.  "It's a God damn pair of brass knux!  The Boss Man has resorted to using brass knux, King!"   

            "I see them this time!"  King admitted.  "This is low even for the Big Boss Man!"

            "'This time'?"  J.R. angrily mocked his partner's habit of turning a blind eye to illegal activity in the ring.  "This time it's really serious!"

"Alright you little bimbo," Boss Man stated menacingly to Mihoshi as she slowly got up.  "Here's where it ends!" 

Big Boss Man rushed forward, hand drawn back and ready to deliver to the knock out blow to an unsuspecting Mihoshi…then he slipped on the roller skate Mihoshi had dropped earlier.  

"Wha-?"  Mihoshi eloquently stated as Big Boss Man's punch missed wide and the momentum of it (and the roller skate) carried him across the ring and into the turnbuckle headfirst.  Oddly enough, it was the same turnbuckle that the pole holding the nightstick was attached to, which fell off and clocked the Big Boss Man on the head.  

With Big Boss Man knocked unconscious, the senior referee, Earl Hebner (Where did he come from?), signaled for the bell, ending the match. Mihoshi had won the match thanks to her amazingly dumb luck.

            At ringside, both veteran commentators sat with their mouths and eyes open wide in complete shock.  

            "That was the freakiest thing I ever saw," King blinked.

            "Yeah, King," J.R. agreed.  "That was amazing.  Either Mihoshi is the most talented and highly trained law enforcement officer ever, or she's a complete idiot."

            "Ladies and gentlemen," The Announcer proclaimed after conferencing with the referee.  "Although, technically, it was Big Boss Man who got the nightstick off the pole, he is the one who's unconscious.  So, your winner, by default, Mihoshi Kuramitsu!!!"

            "Oh!  That's so nice!"  Mihoshi squealed in delight, but then became confused… again.  "Uh, what did I win?"

            "Idiot," J.R. and the King agreed in unison.

            "Oooo!  A camera!" Mihoshi smiled as she waved into the nearby video-broadcasting device.  "Hi Kiyone!"

_-_-_-_-_

In Okayama, Japan…

Mihoshi's partner sat on a couch, in front of a television set, wearing a nearly identical uniform (Sans the bunny tail), rubbing at her temples under her long, blue-green hair.

            "That idiot," Kiyone muttered angrily.  "Why did she have to mention me?"

            "I think it was awfully nice of Mihoshi to mention you, Kiyone!  Now you're famous!" A cute young girl with long sky-blue pigtails interjected from beside Kiyone.  "Anyway, you should be glad she didn't get hurt."

            "I guess you're right, Sasami," Kiyone finally conceded and smiled at the little girl in the apron.  

            "I honestly don't know why either of you are watching this barbaric display," A young woman dressed in elegant pink robes commented, her nose held slightly in the air, and her purple hair tied into two ponytails that reached almost to the floor.  "After all Sasami, you are a crown princess of Jurai.  As am I." 

            "Ayeka," Sasami chided her older sister.  "It's just a show."

            "Yeah," Kiyone addressed the older princess. "If it's so 'barbaric', why are you watching it?"   

            "I am watching it for Lord Tenchi's sake," Ayeka regally stated.  "He is fighting tonight, is he not?"

            "Yep," Kiyone confirmed.  "He's fighting some guy named 'Skywalker'.  Whoever that is."

* * * * *

To Be Continued…


	3. Cat Scratch Fever!

"Well, that was certainly an interesting way to start things off," J.R. said with a smile.  "But, for now, King and I have to make room for our second pair of commentators for the evening."

            "No!"  King whined, knowing full well who is in the next match.  "I wanna stay!  I wanna see the 'puppies'…Uh, I mean the 'kitties'!" 

            "Well, King," J.R. laughed.  "You know, if we get to the back fast enough, we can watch the match on a monitor--King?  King?  Where did he go?"

            It took J.R. only a second before he realized his perverted partner was already halfway up the ramp and making good time on the rest of the way.   

            "Before I join King in the back, earlier today, our very own April O'Neil had the chance to interview a Jedi Master."

* * * * *

            In a segment recorded earlier in the day, April O' Neil is shown in the backstage interview area holding a microphone.  Next to her, standing on some crates, was a familiar form.  Standing three-foot nothing (Five feet if you count the crates), a green, elfish being in an old brown robe, leaned on a small gnarled wooden cane and smiled at the young woman bold enough to ask him for an interview.  He radiates both aged wisdom and adorable playfulness.  He is known far and wide as the most powerful Jedi in the universe.  He is Yoda.  

            "First of all, thank you very much for this interview," April said graciously.  After all, this was her biggest interview since she met four young mutant turtles that study the martial arts.

            "Mine the pleasure is," The nine hundred year old Jedi Master chuckled.  "Many questions you must have."

            "Right," The red haired reporter confirmed.  "Down to business.  First off, do you have any advice or words of wisdom for the fighters tonight?"

            "Yes," Yoda smiled ruefully and looked into the camera.  "Wisdom to share I have.  Do or do not, there is no try."

            "I didn't need Jedi powers to see that one coming," April quipped.  "What do you think about your student, Luke Skywalker's, match against Tenchi Masaki tonight?"

            "Highly skilled both young warriors are," The impish Jedi Master stated.  "Strong with the force Young Skywalker is, but faces a power much different, yet similar, to the Force he does in the Jurai Prince.  An interesting match it should be.  Wish them both luck I do."

"Cool," April enthused (Then thought she's been hanging around teenage turtles too much).  "What else do you think of the unprecedented events that will take place tonight?"

"The Dark Side clouds much," Yoda intoned as he closed his eyes and concentrated.  "Made dark alliances will be.  Forged new friendships are.  Arise new evil will, but never falter the forces of good will.  Hard to see the future is, although much ass-kicking I foresee." 

            As the camera faded out on Yoda, a comforting smile slowly appeared on his face.  

* * * * * 

"Well," Daffy complained as he joined April at the commentating table and adjusted his microphone headset.  "An Apocalyptic vision.  How…discomforting." 

            "I don't think so, Daffy," April calmly amended.  "He seemed more concerned with answering my questions and reassuring us than freaking us out with prophecies of doom."

            "Whatever," The Little Black Duck sarcastically muttered.  "We still don't know what he was talking about."

In case you're wondering, yes, Daffy's illustrious entrance was met with complete and utter silence from the massive audience.  Except for a cricket that somehow got into the fourth row of the nosebleed seats.   

_-_-_-_-_

"I bought a ticket," Jiminy stated matter-of-factly, pulling his ticket stub from underneath his tiny top hat.  "Plus, I like Daffy Duck."

* * * * *

            "I have got to fire my agent," Daffy noted to himself.

o/` Oh I-I-I- I Wanna Be Bad With You Baby.

I-I-I-I- I Wanna Be Bad With You Baby... o/`

            "We may never find out exactly what Yoda meant," April confessed.  "But we WILL find out whose going to win this next match!"

            "Clever," Daffy snidely remarked.  "How long did it take you to come up with that one?"

            "Let's see you do better, Duck."

            As Daffy contemplated a sarcastic reply, Willa Ford's "I Wanna Be Bad" began to play and the crowd roared as a voluptuous figure, clad in skintight purple spandex strode out the entrance way and down the ramp. 

            "Making her way to the ring," The Announcer said to the cheering crowd.  "From Gotham City, weighing 125 pounds, the infamous Catwoman!"

o/` I Wanna Be Bad!

You Make Bad Look So Good!

I Got Things On My Mind,

I Never Thought I Would!

I-I Wanna Be Bad! o/`

            "ME-OW!"  Daffy exclaimed as he observed the cat burglar and accomplished martial artist--Okay, he was perversely leering at the hot babe in skintight spandex with long black boots and clawed gloves.

            April just rolled her eyes.

            The sultry Selina Kyle, a name not known to the assembled masses, gave a quick toss of her long raven tresses from under her cowl and a wink to the fans before she entered the ring and awaited the match's other competitor.  

"o/` I'm Comin' Up, So You Better Get This Party Started! o/`"

            "Wait just one cotton pickin' minute!"  Daffy said as he cocked an ear (Does he even have ears?) towards the speakers all around him.  "I recognize the song, but that's not Pink singing!" 

            "Nope," April confirmed.  "Felicia is an aspiring actress and entertainer, and tonight she has her big chance!"

            As Felicia appeared on the entrance ramp with a microphone, Daffy just couldn't help himself. 

"Oooo!  I tawt I taw a puddy tat!"

"Hey!"  April smiled.  "Daisuke owes me five bucks now!"

True enough, Felicia was indeed a REAL cat-woman.  Unlike the infamous thief in the ring, the cat ears sticking out from her fluffy blue hair were real, as was the long white tail swaggering behind her.  Her white fur formed intricate (And necessary) patterns over her human skin.  Still, this fact didn't stop the fans from cheering (As a matter of fact…Heh-heh), or the young cat-girl from entertaining them!

             "Ladies and gentlemen!"  The aspiring entertainer on the entrance stage shouted into her microphone.  "I am Felicia!  And I'm here to entertain all of you!"

"Sweet, sexy, and singing!"  Daffy crowed.  "What more could you ask for?"   

            "A little more clothing perhaps," Said the reporter in the yellow jump suit.

            Felicia just kept singing as she danced her way to the ring.

"o/` Get This Party Started on a Saturday Night! 

Everybody's Waitin' for Me to Arrive! 

Sendin' Out the Message to All of My Friends! 

We'll Be Lookin' Flashy in My Mercedes Benz! o/`"

            The cheerful cat girl didn't stop singing until she stepped into the ring.  Once inside, she handed her microphone to the exiting Announcer, and settled into an interesting fighting stance.  Despite the relative cuteness of her stance, Felicia still looked at her opponent with a smug, confident expression.

[CATWOMAN]

[VS.]

[FELICIA]

[*DING!*]

"You don't sing half bad," Catwoman taunted.  "But how well can you fight?"

"Pretty well," Felicia smirked.  "Wanna find out?"

"You asked for it, Kitten," Catwoman said as she leaped forward to attack.

"And Catwoman makes the first move!"  Daffy said as Felicia dodged Catwoman's first high kick to her head.  The master thief, in return, artfully dodged Felicia's claw slash.

When Catwoman tried a claw slash of her own, Felicia ducked under it only to be met by Selina's knee to her face.

"Besides being hailed as a talented cat bugler," April informed the crowd watching at home.  "Catwoman is also a highly skilled martial artist."

As true as that is, the Darkstalker cat girl's supernatural agility and strength managed to even the odds quite well.

Catwoman neatly dodged most of the Darkstalker's attacks, and in turn most of the master thief's attacks were simply blocked by Felicia.

"They're pretty evenly matched," April noticed.

"Yeah, this sucks!"  Interrupted Daffy.  "C'mon!  This is supposed to be a catfight!  They're too dang good!  Where's the violent groping?  Where's all the clothes tearing?"

"I don't believe you," April snorted in disgust.  "Felicia isn't even wearing clothes!"

"Even better!"

Back in the ring, the "catfight" took a new turn when Catwoman managed to kick Felicia in the chest.

Felicia quickly rolled back across the ring and into Selina's chest, kicking her in the face as she ricocheted off.  Catwoman staggered back and slumped against the corner turnbuckle.     

"Not bad," Catwoman groaned as she kept an eye on her opponent.  Felicia landed on all fours, poised and ready for the battle to continue.  She was surprised to feel the sting of a bullwhip as it wrapped around her forearm.   

"Not as good as me though," Catwoman smirked and gave a sharp tug on the bullwhip.  

"Yeep!"  Felicia yelped as she was violently yanked across the ring.  Catwoman continued by kicking her in the head as soon as she was close enough.  

"Where did Catwoman get a bullwhip!?!"  Daffy shouted in confusion.

"Didn't she always have it?"  April wondered.

"She did?"

"I...guess so."

On the mat, Felicia rolled back and forth, narrowly avoiding the business end of Catwoman's whip…Most of the time.

"And Catwoman clearly is beginning to dominate this match-up with her bullwhip," April informed as the loud crack of the whip echoed from the ring.

"'Dominate'...'Bullwhip'," Daffy chuckled.  "I get it!"

"You just wish you did," April retorted, much to her partner's chagrin.

The pseudo-game of "Cat and Mouse" continued in the ring.  That is, until the last of Catwoman's strikes missed wide enough for Felicia to roll to her side and kick Catwoman in the stomach.  Selina Kyle grunted in pain as she staggered backwards.  

"It looks like Felicia could take control of the match here," April enthused as Felicia rose to her feet despite the many visible injuries she just suffered.  

The blow didn't faze Catwoman for long though.  Faster than the Darkstalker could dodge, Catwoman once more snapped her bullwhip around Felicia's arm and yanked the hapless cat girl forward.

But this time, Felicia ducked under Catwoman's follow-up strike and used her free hand to deliver a claw swipe to the thief's midsection.  

"Fool me once," Felicia taunted as Catwoman winced in pain.  "Shame on you!"  

Felicia unwrapped the whip from her arm and jumped back a ways.  Once she was half way across the ring, she kneeled down and prepared for her attack. 

"SAND SPLASH!"  Felicia shouted as she kicked forward, sending torrents of sand into Catwoman.

"AHH!"  The cat burglar screamed in pain as the attack assaulted the fresh wounds on her stomach.

"Where the hell did all that sand come from?!?"  The commentator with black feathers shouted in confusion.  "There's no sand in the ring!" 

"Where ever it came from," April offered an excuse.  "It certainly helped Felicia gain control of the match."

Just as April had said, Felicia stood tall in the ring while Catwoman was slumped in against the ropes in pain.  

"You know, we don't have to finish this," Felicia calmly suggested, but remained in a fighting stance none the less.  "We can call it a draw if you feel you need medical attention."

"Thanks for the offer," The weakened thief smiled.  The smile still contained the same smugness as before, but now contained a slight hint of warmth as well.  "But I'd rather lose cleanly than just give up." 

"Okay," Felicia returned the borderline friendly smile.  "Ready when you are."

All at once, in a blur of motion and sound, Catwoman snapped her bullwhip at Felicia, putting her on the defense, then rushed forward in attack.  

But the damage had already been done.  Catwoman was far slower than normal, and was caught off-guard when Felicia whipped her in the face with her tail.  Continuing in one fluid motion, Felicia's high kick caught Selina right on the chin.

Catwoman flew backwards and landed hard on the mat, unconscious.

"Your winner," The Announcer crowed.  "By a Knock-Out, FELICIA!!!"

As her theme song played in celebration, Felicia knelt down, picked up Catwoman, slumped her over her shoulder, and carried her up the ramp towards the waiting EMTs.

"In a touching show of sportsmanship, rarely seen these days," April noted.  "Felicia is helping her fallen opponent receive medical attention."

"Who cares about 'sportsmanship'?  This is sports entertainment," Daffy shouted in disgust.  "All that matters is winning!"

Of course, as soon as Catwoman was attended to, Felicia turned toward the audience and raised her paws in victory.

"Yeah! I am the Excellence in Entertainment!  I'm number one!"  Felicia cheered, to which the crowd responded in kind.  

"That's a little better," Daffy muttered.  

"Come on 'Jealous of Donald'," April said as she got up to leave.  "We have to return to the back for the next match."

"Now that was just plain mean."

_-_-_-_-_ 

Two large humanoid figures stalked the vast corridors of the massive arena.  Their large bat-like wing were kept folded behind their backs, above their thrashing lizard-like tails.  Their sharp claws and powerful muscles were ever at the ready.  Stone by day, warriors by night.  They are defenders of the night.  They are Gargoyles.

And now, they are on security detail.

"I really don't think the cafeteria needs this much security," A reddish colored gargoyle with sharp horns and a beak voiced his concern.  "Besides, Goliath and Angela are waiting for us."

"C'mon Brooklyn.  It's a high traffic area," The larger of the two spoke.  He is a rather husky gargoyle with fin-like ears and light green skin.  "A lot can happen in there." 

"Broadway," Brooklyn said to his unconvincing rookery brother.  "This is the seventh time in the last half hour! What about Angela?"

"She'll understand," Broadway smiled confidently.  "Besides, I'm hungry."

"She'll understand you're always hungry," Brooklyn quipped to himself.  "Makes perfect sense to me."

All of a sudden, a loud crash drew their attention.

"That came from the cafeteria!"  Brooklyn shouted as they raced towards the sound.

"See?  Told you!"  

The two guardians burst into to the cafeteria, breaking through the double doors, with wings unfurled and eyes blazing white.  But what they saw made them freeze in their tracks. 

The only occupants of the room were two young people at a single table stacked high with quadruple orders of everything on the menu.  And they were in the process of eating it all.

"C'mon Lina," The blond haired swordsman said in between bites.  "Save some pizza for me!  After all, I ordered it!"

"No way Gourry!"  A red headed, small chested, short-tempered sorceress snapped as she took the last three slices of said Italian cuisine.

"They're eating all the food!" A stunned Brooklyn managed under his breath.

"Not if I can help it!" Broadway proudly stated as he spread his bat-like wings and marched into the cafeteria/war zone.

"Wait!" Brooklyn called after his rookery brother, expecting the rotund gargoyle to use force on the chaotically chowing sorceress and swordsman.  "Goliath said not to start any--"

Instead of fighting, the light green gargoyle plopped down right next to the pair and joined them in their gorging.  Neither Lina nor Gourry even acknowledged the large gargoyle beyond a random skirmish for a choice piece of food.   

"I'll go tell Angela you'll be a little late," Brooklyn sighed as he turned away from the comically gruesome scene.

* * * * * 

To Be Continued…


	4. Tag Team Action!

"What an exciting way to start EMW's inaugural broadcast!!!"  Hiroshi yelled above the cheering crowd.

"You know, do you have a microphone headset," Daisuke said rubbing his ear.  "And it's on.  Oww."

"Oh, it's 'On' alright!"  Hiroshi hyped.  "Tonight is a night of heart-pounding, pulse-racing, no-holds-barred, go-for-the-throat violence, martial arts mayhem, sports-entertainment edge-of-your-seat action!!!"

"And thanks to the unrelenting usage of catch phrases, I owe April five dollars," Daisuke complained. 

"Yeah!  Money-money-money-money!  Mon-nay!"  The uber-hyper Hiroshi sang as he danced on top of the announce table for the cheering crowd.

"Anyway," Daisuke rolled his eyes.  "Hiroshi and I are the last single pair of commentators tonight.  As chaotic as that will be, all six of us will be actively announcing immediately following this next match."

Pseudo-Chinese techno pop music began to play and colorful spotlights swirled around the entrance stage.

"Which is apparently about to start."

o/` Nothing But Pennies In My Pocket.

Nothing But Faith to Keep Me Warm.

But, Baby, Then I'd Be Broke Without it.

Tell Me, How Much for Your Love? o/`

"Making their way to the ring, from Nermia, Japan," The Announcer said as two teenagers in colorful Chinese silk clothes walked from the entranceway.  "Mousse and Shampoo!"

The serious-looking pair of dangerous Chinese amazons marched down the ramp to the song "In My Pocket" by Mandy Moore.

Mousse, a handsome youth clad in a long-sleeved Chinese silk robe and black silk pants, stood proud and stoic as he marched down the ramp next to his beloved Shampoo.

Mousse then took a right turn, walked right off the side of the ramp, and fell flat on his face.

"Stupid Mousse," Shampoo, a beautiful young warrior in white silk clothes decorated with pastel designs, said as she leaned over her recovering partner.  "Put glasses on."

"Huh?  Oh, right!"  Mousse muttered as he pulled a pair of extremely thick "Coke bottle" frames from his robe and put them on. 

"Now, Mousse get in ring before Shampoo beat Mousse up herself," The Amazon with flowing elegant purple hair said in a belying dainty voice as she continued down the ramp.  Mousse quickly climbed back on the ramp and followed his beloved Shampoo to the ring like a lost puppy.  

It's just a shame Shampoo doesn't return Mousse's affection.  

"As a matter of fact," Hiroshi piped up.  "According to Chinese Amazonian law, she's engaged to Ranma, who will be in action a later tonight!  Man, that guy has more fiancés than he knows what to do with!"

Who asked you anyway?    

"No one," Hiroshi said sheepishly.  "But I thought it was important for the audience to know."

"Hiroshi!?"  Daisuke yelled.  "Are you talking to the narrator?"

"Uhh...yes."

"Well stop it.  We have a match to announce."

"Sorry."

A gothic organ played a few cords before the peel of an electric guitar took over and loud, fast rock music filled the speakers.  

"And their opponents," It was announced.  "From Sunnydale, California, Buffy Summers and Spike!"

A couple appearing to be only slightly older than Mousse and Shampoo arrived from the entrance.  

One, a striking young woman with long dusty blond hair, had just as serious a face on as her opponents (Although it dropped for a moment when she smiled and gave a wave into the camera as she walked by).   

_-_-_-_-_

In Sunnydale...

"Hey!"  Buffy's young sister, Dawn, cheered as she sat in front of the TV with the rest of Buffy's friends.  "She waved to us!"

"Cool!"  Buffy's friend Xander exclaimed from the couch.

"I hope Buffy's going to be okay," Buffy's best friend Willow expressed her concern from beside Xander.  "Amazons are dangerous."

"Those two?"  Xander asked.  "They look about as tough as porcelain dolls."

"Yes, well," Buffy's Watcher, Rupert Giles, scoffed in a British accent from behind Xander.  "As delicate as they look, Chinese Amazons, or Amazons of any kind, are extremely dangerous fighters and must be treated with extreme caution.  I just wish Buffy had chosen a better partner."

"Why?"  Xander asked.

"Because they're human.  Spike won't be able to hurt them."

_-_-_-_-_

Yes, walking towards the ring next to Buffy was the notorious vampire, William the Bloody, or as he is now known, Spike.  Wearing a long black leather overcoat with short, slicked-back bleached blond hair he definitely looked badass.

"Buffy," The fearsome vampire almost whined in a cockney British accent.  "How the bloody hell is this supposed to work?  I can't hurt humans, you know."

"I know," Buffy simply stated.

"I got that whole mind-numbing-pain-brain-chip thing going on,"  

"I know," Buffy said again, never taking her eyes off their opponents in the ring. 

"I'm going to get beaten eight ways from bloody Sunday!!!"

Buffy turned to Spike with a sly smile, "I know."

"This is for trying to kill you and your friends all those times isn't it?"  

"Yep."

From the ring, the two Chinese amazons watched their opponents as they approached ringside.

"Beware!"  An aged and wizened warning sounded from behind the two young warriors.  They both turned to find Shampoo's great-grandmother, Cologne in the ring.

"AHH!  MONKEY MUMMY!"  Mousse reacted to the diminutive shriveled crone perched upon her knarled staff.

"Quiet," Cologne snapped as she beaned Mousse over the head.  

"What you say Great-Grandmother?"  Shampoo asked the aged Amazon with long white hair. 

"Your opponents are ones to be both feared and respected," The aged warrior warned.  "Despite her delicate appearance, that young girl is the Slayer, the one blessed with superior strength and abilities chosen to defend our world against the forces of evil."

"And the other?"  Mousse adjusted his glasses to better look at the pale blond man in the long leather jacket.

"He is a vampire," Cologne answered coldly.  "A vampire that has dishonored our tribe in the past."

"How dishonored?"  Shampoo asked.

"Our tribe was once blessed with a Slayer many years ago," Cologne seethed as she stared a hole into the vampire climbing onto the ring apron.  "But like most Slayers, her life was tragically cut short by the demon you now face."

"I really don't like the way they're looking at me," Spike muttered as he and Buffy stood outside the ring.

"Fine," Buffy stated with a confident smirk.  "If you're going to chicken out, I'll fight first." 

"I can't fight at all!"  Spike exclaimed as Buffy climbed into the ring.  "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into."

As Spike's partner climbed into the ring, Shampoo threw her's out.

"Oof!"  Mousse landed with a thud on the outside of the ring.  "I'll just wait out here then--Gahh!"

Cologne's staff impacted on Mousse's back with the aged Amazon perched on top.

"Get up boy," Cologne commanded the bi-optic Amazon.

"Old bag," Mousse muttered, but complied and crawled up the steel steps to his team's corner.

In the ring, the two female warriors prepared for combat.

[SHAMPOO & MOUSSE]

[VS.]

[BUFFY SUMMERS & SPIKE]

[*DING!*]

"Shampoo not want to fight Slayer," The purple haired girl stated.  "Slayer good.  Give Shampoo vampire so Shampoo can take head."

In his corner, Spike audibly gulped.

"Sorry," The Slayer stated back getting into a ready stance.  "But we're a team.  You want him, you're going to have to fight me first." 

"That's right!"  Spike cheered.  "You tell that purple haired bint!"

"Shut up Spike," Buffy snapped.

"Right.  I'll just wait here then."

"Fine," The young Amazon warrior said.  "But no say Shampoo not warn you."

"Bring it on."

Without any further warning, Shampoo launched a furious attack of punches and kicks.  Still, Buffy was able to either dodge or block all of them.

When Shampoo paused her attack, however, Buffy took a moment to rub her forearms, which were sore from the punishment they absorbed.

"Ouch," Buffy winced.  "That smarts."

"Shampoo strong Amazon warrior," The young girl snorted smugly.  "You no stand chance."

"Yeah, you're tough," Buffy agreed with her haughty opponent.  "But I've faced tougher."

With that the Slayer rushed forward with her own offensive strikes.  Even though Shampoo tried valiantly to block and dodge Buffy's own powerful strikes, she just wasn't able to avoid them all.  A strong kick to her side left the Amazon kneeling on the mat.  

"SHAMPOO!!!"  A distraught Mousse shouted from his corner.

"Had enough?"  Buffy shot at the recovering Shampoo.

"You may be more strong than Shampoo," The purple haired beauty gasped as she rose from the mat.  "But you still no win!!!"

Shampoo lunged at Buffy with furious speed and a ferocious flurry of kicks and punches.  

Buffy was still able to block and dodge most of her shots and soon put Shampoo on the defensive with attacks of her own.  With her skill and slightly superior strength the Slayer was backing Shampoo into a corner.  

Unfortunately, it was the corner Mousse was standing in.

"Buffy!  Watch out!"  Spike's warning came too late.  As soon as the dueling divas were in range, Mousse lashed out with a kick that caught Buffy directly in the side of her head.  

The Slayer went down to the mat and was knocked for a loop, but quickly tried to recover fearing Shampoo would take advantage of her mistake.  Instead, she looked up to see Shampoo glaring at her own partner. 

"Yes!"  Mousse shouted excitedly and held out his hand to his beloved Shampoo.  "See Shampoo?  We make a great team!"

Disgusted, Shampoo knocked away Mousse's affectionate gesture with an audible slap.

"Tag!"  The referee shouted.  "Mousse in!  Shampoo, you're out!"

"Ai-yaa!!"  Shampoo shouted in confusion.  "What you saying?"

"And Shampoo makes the first tag of the match!"  Hiroshi shouted from ringside.  "That brings Mousse into the game!"

"Even though it looks like Shampoo apparently forgot this was a tag match," Daisuke smiled.  "After, Mousse's sneak attack, Buffy can capitalize and use this confusion to recover or make a tag of her own."

Buffy chose the former, and stood ready as Shampoo reluctantly left the ring and was replaced by the male Chinese Amazon Mousse. 

"You may be the Slayer," Mousse seethed.  "But I cannot even allow the Chosen One to hurt my precious Shampoo and get away with it!"

"Well, okay," Buffy quipped.  "But you do know this is a fight, right?"

Instead of answering, Mousse simply attacked.  Although he wasn't as strong as his tag team partner, Mousse is at least as skilled as Shampoo, if not more so.

Every time Buffy tried a kick, Mousse countered with one of his own, but only his longer legs fully connected.  The same thing happened when Buffy tried a punch.  The factor Mousse didn't consider, however, was what little of Buffy's strikes that did get through were made equal to his by her superior strength.  

"Time to change strategies," Mousse muttered as they both staggered backwards from another simultaneous kick.  

The next of Mousse's kicks connected with Buffy's right arm and sent a sharp pain through it.

"BUFFY!!!"  Spike shouted as he watched in horror from his corner.

"AHH!"  Buffy shouted in pain and grabbed her arm, only to fell a sticky warm substance on her sleeve.  Buffy looked down to see her arm soaked in blood. When she looked at Mousse's foot she found a sharp blade protruding from the toe of his martial arts slipper.

"Now you see..." Buffy heard as she looked up to see Mousse adjust his glasses using his middle finger.  "...Why I am called a Master of Hidden Weapons."

Buffy's cold stare met Mousse's confident smirk, and she knew she was in trouble.  

"OH MY GOD!!!"  Hiroshi shouted from ringside.  "Mousse has drawn first blood and Buffy is in a bad, bad way!  Uh...can he even do that?"

"Technically," Daisuke calmly stated.  "EMW never formally made a 'No Weapons' stipulations for their matches."

"Uh oh," Hiroshi gulped.

"Yeah," Daisuke agreed.

Back in the ring, Buffy was on serious defense.  With each of Mousse's quick strikes, she could see a glint of metal in the long sleeves of his robe.  

Favoring her bleeding right arm, Buffy had no choice but to dodge and back away, or risk being sliced to ribbons.  

Luckily, this time she was making her way towards her own corner.

Spike's mind raced as the fight was being brought his way.

"What the bloody hell does she want me to do?"  He asked himself.  "I can't even hit him!"

As soon as Buffy was within arm's length, Spike did the only thing he could think of, he reached out and tagged her on the shoulder.

"And a blind tag by Spike may have very well saved Buffy from a very edgy ending!"  Hiroshi violated the laws of good taste with a horrific pun.

"But still," Daisuke reminded his partner.  "Due to a microchip implanted by a top-secret Psuedo-military organization in Spike's brain, he can't hurt humans in anyway without suffering intense neurological pain.  What's he going to do?"

"What the hell am I gonna do?"  Spike panicked.  "Keep dodging and hope that he wears himself out?"

"Pathetic," Mousse scoffed.   "A demon opponent that can't even defend himself.  Out of mercy, I'll end this quickly.  BLOW OF THE SWAN-FIST!!!"  

Mousse's arms blurred with speed as they delivered a massive clubbing blow to Spike's face.

"Ugh!"  The vampire grunted in pain as fell to the mat.  Spike quickly recovered and got to his feet in time to see Mousse come at him again.

"BLOW OF THE SWAN-FIST!!!"  Mousse's arms again moved faster than most eyes could see.  Most eyes.

"Ha!"  Spike shouted triumphantly as he blocked Mousse's attack, grabbing the hidden object the Chinese boy used in his attack.  "Well, 'Swan-Fist', looks like you're just an ugly duckli--WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?!?"  

Spike now noticed the object he and Mousse held as a duck shaped training potty.  

"And Spike discovers the secret of the 'Blow of the Swan-Fist'," Daisuke smirked.  "Mousse uses his speed to disguise the fact that he bludgeons his opponent with a child's training potty." 

"How embarrassing!"  Hiroshi gasped.

Leaning over the ring post, Buffy could be heard roaring with laughter, along with most of the fans in attendance.  

"Oh that's it!"  Spike growled as his face twisted and contorted into its vampire form.  His forehead wrinkled, his eyes turned yellow, and his teeth became sharp fangs. 

With a feral growl, Spike used his free hand and punched Mousse in the face, sending him sprawling to the mat.  Spike then grabbed his head and screamed in pain, even before he noticed there was no pain.

"What?  Why the bloody hell am I not in mind numbing pain?"  Realization dawned on Spike almost as quickly as the sinister smile appeared on his face.  "The chip's deactivated!"

"Well," Daisuke muttered.  "It appears as if Spike's safety chip is deactivated inside the confines of the ring." 

_-_-_-_-_

Watching from somewhere in the arena, a caped figure continues to smile (Yeah, he does that a lot).

_-_-_-_-_

"This can't be good," Buffy realized with dread.  If Spike gets out of hand now, it'll be up to her to step in and bring him down.

"So, there's some bite in you after all, Demon," Mouse said as he rose up adjusting his glasses.  "This should make it a lot more interesting."

"Count on it," Spike sneered wickedly. 

"Stupid Mousse!"  Shampoo shouted from the ring apron.   "Tag out!  Shampoo want fight vampire!"

"Fear not, my dearest Shampoo," Mousse confused Shampoo's demand with concern.  "I'll be fine!"  

"No you--WHOA!!"  Spike ducked just in time to miss having his head cleaved by a sharp blade on the end of a chain.  The other end of the chain was found protruding from the long sleeve of Mousse's robe.

"Don't take me lightly," The Master of Hidden Weapons snarled.  "You will regret challenging me, vampire." 

Mousse launched another volley of pointy implements on chains towards the vampire formerly known as William the Bloody.

"That's a neat trick," Spike said as he snagged an iron claw attached to another chain as it sped towards his heart (It surprised him a little to then see a yo-yo then go whizzing past).  "But so's this!!!"

Spike yanked hard on the chain, pulling Mousse off his feet and towards the angry vampire.  A well-aimed kick sent Mousse flying across the ring, subsequently knocking off his glasses.  

"You'll pay for that, foul creature!"  Mousse yelled and pointed an accusing finger at a helpless ring post.

"Mousse stupid," Shampoo muttered from her adjacent ring post.  "He no see without glasses."

"Don't have anything to say?"  Mousse snickered.  "You must be frozen with fear!"

"Yeah," Spike rolled his eyes.  "That MUST be it."

Mousse released another volley of chain weapons that where not only aimed away from Spike, but also missed the ring post completely.

Audience members screamed as sharp objects on chains impacted with the audience barricade.   

"Someone had better stop Mousse before someone gets hurt!"  Hiroshi shouted.

"Yeah," Daisuke paled even further as a knife impaled the notes on the commentating table right in front of him.  "Like us."

To everyone's surprise Spike threw himself in front of the next round of sharp weapons accidentally thrown at the terrified crowd.  He was able to deflect most of them so they harmlessly landed on the mat, but he still took one sharp claw directly in the arm.

"AARGH!!"  Spike roared in pain.

"What?"  A bewildered Cologne wondered from beside her great-granddaughter.  "Why would a soulless vampire do such a thing?"

"Right!"  Spike looked at his arm and shouted with rage.  "I'll do you for that!"  

Spike charged forward and clobbered the visually impaired young Amazon with a vicious right hook.  Spike continued his relentless attack until Mousse was against the ropes.  Spike prepared to deliver the final blow when he felt something grab his arm.

"Spike," The vampire turned to see Buffy holding back his injured right arm with her own.  "Enough."

"Buffy?"  Spike's face returned to its human guise, and he stared in bewilderment at his tag-team partner.

Buffy answered with a swift kick to the stomach that sent Spike reeling to a corner of the mat.

"Huh?"  Mousse asked as Shampoo slapped his glasses back on his face.  "Shampoo?  Wha--" Then he say Spike laying in the corner and Buffy in the ring.  His teeth clenched in anger and he started towards his opponents.  "You!  I'll--"

"Mousse done enough!"  Shampoo said right before she delivered a roundhouse kick to the side of his head, knocking him to the ground.  Then, she too turned towards the prone Spike.  "Now for evil vampire..."

"Shampoo!  Leave him be!"  Cologne commanded as she bounded into the ring.  "The Slayer is our first priority now.  You should get some medical attention for the cut that fool boy gave you." 

"Yes," Shampoo smiled as she immediately obeyed her great-grandmother and helped The Slayer out of the ring.  "We get you to doctor now."

"Thanks," Buffy said.  "But I've had worse.  I heal pretty fast anyway."

"You should still see to that wound none the less," Cologne suggested as they made their way up the ramp.  "That is a most...interesting partner you have chosen Slayer."

"Yeah.  Spike's not all bad," Buffy reluctantly agreed.  "Anymore...I think.  What about Mousse?"

"Mousse not bad," Shampoo admitted as Cologne stayed quiet.  "He just get carried away at times.  Shampoo rather team with Ranma, but he have own tag-team match later."

As the three females disappeared into the back, the two male figures in the ring began to stir.

"This is all your fault," Mousse grumbled as he and Spike stumbled out of the ring.  

Spike just slapped him upside the head.

"Oww!"

"ARGH!!!"  Spike screamed and grabbed his head as the anti-violence chip reactivated outside the ring.

"Well," Daisuke sighed in relief as Mousse and Spike left the ring and hobbled up the ramp.  "As close as that was, it appears our audience is willing to stick around for more...and hopefully not sue us." 

"Yeah!  They want more action and entertainment!"  Hiroshi shouted in excitement.  "o/` Everybody Have Fun Tonight!  Everybody Wang Chung Tonight! o/`"

"Oh well," Daisuke sighed in frustration.  "We now take you live backstage where April is standing by with another interview."

* * * * *

"Thanks, Daisuke," April smiled into the camera.  Standing next to her was a man in a manly bright pink karate gi, with his light brown hair in a manly ponytail and a trying-to-be-dashing manly smile on his face.  "I'm here with self-styled Saikyo Master, Dan Hibiki.  Dan, tonight you face Olympic gold medallist Kurt Angle in a unique match, where the loser with be crowned the 'Biggest Dork in the Universe'.  Your thoughts?"

"Yes!  No doubt you are wondering what manly thoughts are running through the mighty brain of Dan," The pink clad Master of Saikyo proudly stated.  "Although the opportunity to fight for any title is a tremendous honor I, Dan Hibiki, shall defeat my worthy Olympic opponent and then I shall become the Biggest Dork in the Universe!!!"

April looked at Dan as if to say, "He doesn't have a clue."

"...No wait," A confused Dan scratched his head.  "That's not right.  How's that supposed to work again?"

"Anyway," April sweatdropped.  "The match between Dan Hibiki and Kurt Angle for the Dork Title will take place right after--"

"Uh, Miss O'Neal?" Dan interrupted.

"Call me April," The yellow jump-suited journalist smiled.

"April," Dan said with a sly smile as he pointed down the shirt of his pink gi.  "Would you like to try some of Dan's Twinkie?"

"WHAT?!?"  A very offended April screamed.  "NO WAY YOU PERVERTED PSYCHO!!!"

"Are you sure?"  Dan said as he reached into his shirt and produced a plastic wrapped Hostess treat.  "It's still fresh!"

"Uhh, no thanks Dan," April forced a polite smile as she pushed the cream-filled sponge cake offering away from her face.  "You go right ahead."

"Suit yourself," Dan shrugged before he began his mighty struggle to open the Twinkies package.

"We now take you back to ringside," April said to the camera.  "Where I will be rejoining the commentating team for the Dork Title Fight right after this next match."

"Wait a minute!"  Dan paused in his strenuous exercise.  "Why did you call me a perverted psycho?"

"Oh, no reason," April blanched.  "I just don't like Twinkies."

"Hmm," Dan shrugged and returned to his mighty task.  Manly tears began to flow in his fantastic struggle.  "Stupid plastic!"

* * * * *

To Be Continued…


	5. Swordplay and Secrets!

"Thank you, April," J.R. said as he, Daffy and The King joined Hiroshi and Daisuke at the commentating table.  "And we look forward to you joining us down here after this next match."

"No April!"  King whined.

"Speaking of which, this next match holds special interest for us, doesn't it Daisuke?"  Hiroshi said with a sneaky smile.

"Yes," J.R. pondered.  "I understand you two know one of our next competitors."

"Yeah," Daisuke told him.  "Kuno was an upperclassman at our school...You know, before we became clones."

"How the heck did that happen anyway?"  Daffy asked.

"It's a long story..." Daisuke started.  

"I had a caffeine induced heart-attack and died, then came back as a freaky android/clone and killed Daisuke, so he was cloned too!"  Hiroshi proudly reported.

"'Android/clone'?"  Daffy blanched.

"Well, I got better."

"When did all this happen?"  King asked, worried about his new commentating partners.

"It was--" Daisuke began, but trailed off.  "I--I don't remember.  'Roshi?"

"I don't remember either," Hiroshi said. 

The uneasy silence that settled over the commentating table was interrupted by the sound of traditional Japanese music.  On the entrance stage, petals of lotus blossoms floated in the air and gently fell to the ground.  A young man holding a wooden bokken sword appeared on the stage and paused a moment to pose dramatically.

As if by magic, the mood of the commentating table lifted with the tense silence.

_-_-_-_-_

Watching from somewhere in the arena, a dark caped figure--well, you know

_-_-_-_-_

"Didn't you say that you used to go to the same school as this guy?"  King asked the cloned commentators about the young man in the loose fitting white samurai gi with matching sky blue pants.  

"Yeah," Daisuke replied as Kuno started his proud march to the ring.  "Unfortunately."

"Making his way to the ring," The Announcer began.  "From Nermia, Japan, The Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, Takewaki Kuno!!!"

"That egotistical creep was the bane of our high school existence Hiroshi added.  "But he's gonna get his right here, right now!"

Kuno climbed into the ring, placed his bokken on his shoulder in a superior pose, and flipped the front of his froofy hair for the mildly cheering crowd.  A couple of girls actually swooned.

"I do not blame you for your blind adoration," Kuno proudly smiled.  "I, Takewaki Kuno, do truly deserve it after all.  You may all continue to humbly praise me."

When the cheering went from mild to wild, Kuno had no idea it was because a giant "Z" was slashed onto the huge screen behind him.

"Listen to that ovation!"  J.R. shouted above the massive din.  "Looks like business is about to pick up!"

"There's another catch phrase," Daisuke muttered.

o/` Oh Maria, Maria,

She Remind Me of a West Side Story.

Growin' Up in Spanish Harlem,

She Livin' the Life Just Like a Movie Star. o/`

A masked man all dressed in black appeared from the entrance and waved to the cheering crowd before heading to the ring.

"And his opponent," The Announcer pulled his weight.  "From Spanish California, the legendary swordsman, The Fox, EL ZORRO!!!"

As black leather boots marched down the ramp, his black-gloved hand waved to the appreciative crowd, and his black cape whipped behind him (No, he's not the smiling dark figure).  Zorro's black swashbuckler outfit and black mariachi hat may sound weird, but it fit him perfectly as a fighter and protector of the people.  A bullwhip strapped to one side and his ornate fencing sword sheathed on the other only strengthened his image as a noble warrior.

"What's with the bullwhip?"  Daffy complained.  "Haven't we seen enough bullwhips tonight?" 

The acclaimed buccaneer continued down to the ring to "Maria, Maria" by Santana.

o/` Stop the Looting, Stop the Shooting, 

Pick-Pocking on the Corner.

See, as the Rich is Getting Richer, 

The Poorer's Getting Poorer! o/`

Zorro stepped into the ring and again waved to his cheering fans.

"Ah," Kuno sighed to himself with undue pride.  "Listen to how much the common people adore me!  It seems like I'm the only thing to light up their petty, dreary little lives."

"Is he always this bad?"  J.R. asked.

"No," Daisuke admitted.  "He's unusually subdued today."

Then Kuno noticed the other man in the ring.

"What ho?"  Kuno pointed his bokken at the famous masked figure.  "Are you the miserable varlet who has come to challenge me?  I can see by your black dress and concealing mask that you are nothing more than a common thief, and therefore, on my honor as a noble warrior, I must defeat you!  Prepare for justice, foul criminal!"

Zorro took a moment to look his opponent over, and a wide smile appeared under his thin mustache.  He unhooked his bullwhip from his side, held it up for the crowd to see, and casually tossed it out of the ring with a dramatic fling of his arm.

"Ooooo!"  The audience responded to the bold challenge.

"Ha!  What folly!"  Kuno mused.  "As slight as it might have been, you very well may have thrown away your only advantage against me!  Do you truly believe you can defeat one as great as I?  Foolish thief!"

Zorro prepared himself and placed a hand on the hilt of his sword.

"I won't need more than this to defeat a pompous fool like yourself," The infamous bandit proclaimed. 

"How dare you insult me in such a manner!"  Kuno gasped at the sheer audacity.

"Very well Señor," Zorro replied with a charming smile.  "In which manner would you like me to insult you?"

Kuno answered by raising his bokken above his head and attacking.

"It begins.  EN GUARD!"

[TATEWAKI KUNO]

[VS.]

[EL ZORRO]

[*DING!*]

With one easy movement and, very little effort, Zorro unsheathed his sword and blocked the young kendoist's attack to his head, and the subsequent attacks to his right and left.

Although Kuno's arrogant demeanor was now replaced with righteous annoyance, Zorro's dashing smile remained fixed in place.

"Touché, Señor?"

"So," Kuno sneered.  "You posses a small amount of proficiency with the sword, but you cannot possibly be as good as I."

"You are really full of yourself," Zorro shook his head in amusement.  "You know that don't you?"  

"Die, Foul Thief!"  Kuno growled and again raised his wooden sword in attack. 

"And Kuno has put Zorro on the defensive!"  J.R. stated.

Surprisingly, Kuno's attacks actually did manage to push the masked swordsman backwards.

"He's pushing Zorro to the ropes!"  Hiroshi yelled in shock.  "If he gets cornered, Zorro could be done for!"

"And yet," Daisuke calmly observed.  "Zorro doesn't look too worried."

True to Daisuke's words, Zorro looked perfectly calm even while being backed towards the ropes. 

As soon as the masked swordsman felt his back touch the ropes, he simply ducked under Kuno's next strike and, with a leg sweep, kicked the legs out from under the arrogant kendoist.

"Whoa!"  J.R. shouted.  "And Zorro turns the tables on the young upstart, Tatewaki Kuno!"

"You mean Zorro was just playing with him the whole time?"  King asked. 

"Looks like," Daisuke noted.

"Isn't that a foul or something?"  Daffy wondered.

"Not in this fight," The clone smirked.

Hiroshi just giggled with glee.

Back in the ring, Kuno was leaning on his bokken to help lift himself up.

"So," Kuno growled.  "Not only are you a thief, you do not adhere to the proud traditions of swordplay.  I should have expected no better from a foul criminal."

"You forget," Zorro corrected.  "This isn't a fencing match.  It is a fight."

With a single blur of movement Zorro thrust his sword forward and made three cuts in Kuno's billowy shirt.

"And my name is not, 'Foul Thief'.  It is Zorro."  

"There it is!  Zorro finally performs his trademark taunt!"  Hiroshi cheered.  "You go Zorro!"

Tatewaki looked down at the "Z" cut into his shirt.

"You dare to sully my traditional garb by inscribing your insidious insignia?!?"  He shouted.

"Sí."

"Then face my righteous fury!!!"  The young kendoist yelled as he thrust his bokken forward with blinding speed.  "KUNO THUNDER STRIKE-STRIKE-STRIKE-STRIKE-STRIKE!!!"

Zorro's smirk remained as he ducked, weaved, dodged, or merely parried around all of Kuno's lightning fast attacks.

"Uhh...Wow," Daffy remained the only commentator capable of speech for Kuno's entire flurry of attacks.

Standing among the blur of wooden sword strikes, Zorro remained calm and used three simple movements with his own sword to deflect, block, and totally disarmed the younger man.

Using his own speed against him, Zorro knocked the bokken out of Kuno's hand, and sent the weapon sailing out of the ring and skidding along the padded ground outside.

In a show of sportsmanship, Zorro quickly threw his sword without looking, which neatly embedded itself in a turnbuckle pad, and used the momentary distraction to attack.

In a movement that looked like the a flash of black, Zorro lunged forward and cracked Kuno across the face with a left hook and a right uppercut that put the kendoist down for the count.

"AND ZORRO WINS!"  Hiroshi shouted, jumping up and down in his seat.  "ZORRO WINS!"

"That he does," Daisuke snickered.

A ten count later and it was official.

"Your winner," The Announcer shouted among the screaming crowd.  "By Knock-Out, EL ZORRO!!!"

Zorro pulled his sword out of the turnbuckle and sheathed his favored weapon.  He then climbed tat very same turnbuckle and basked in the celebration of his victory.  Zorro then pulled back his cape and was more than a little surprised to find light shining through several slash marks. 

"Hmm," He chuckled in spite of himself.  "Not bad."

Regardless, the masked romantic pulled a single red rose from behind his cape, sniffed it, and tossed it amongst a small crowd of screaming girls who fought for the prize souvenir.  

Zorro then let out a sharp whistle, and, much to everyone's surprise, a sleek black horse raced down the ramp.

"Hey!"  King shouted cheerfully.  "It's Zorro's horse.  What's his name?  Blackie?  Thunder?  Typhoon?"

"Tornado," Daisuke corrected.

Without even having Tornado slow down, Zorro leaped from the turnbuckle and landed right on the ornate black saddle and rode the Black Andalusian around the ring. 

On his way around, Zorro leaned down and scooped his whip from the floor, then raced up the ramp, only stopping for a moment at the very top.

With one last dramatic wave to the wild crowd, Tornado reared up, and the masked hero rode proudly into the backstage area.

"That was..." Daffy began in an annoyed tone.

"SO VERY COOL!!!"  Hiroshi shouted.

"I was going to say 'Awfully one-sided'," Daffy corrected.

"I dunno about that," Daisuke interjected.  "I enjoyed it."

"The boy's got guts and an ego," J.R. referred to Kuno as the recently schooled teen began to get up and out of the ring.  "But not a whole lot upstairs."

"And he's got a long way to go before he can even think about challenging Zorro again!"  King laughed.  "Hey, do you think I can get chicks if I put on a mask and cape like Zorro?"

"In your case a mask wouldn't hurt," Daffy remarked.  

"Watch it duck," The former "King of Memphis Wrestling" warned.

"Moi?"  

"Well folks," J.R. announced to the audience.  "We'll be back with April O' Neil and our very first EMW title match, right after this."

"Woo-Hoo!"  King cheered.   "April!"

_-_-_-_-_

"Are you boys enjoying the show?"  

A young woman with a ponytail and an apron entered the Tendo Family living room carrying a large bowl of popcorn.  Her warm smile and friendly demeanor made her the picture of innocent beauty.

"Yes Kasumi," The two boys said in unison as she set the bowl down between them.  "Thank you." 

"I'm having a good time too," A girl with short hair and dressed in the latest fashion of casual wear said from the couch.  "Now that I've won ¥20,000 betting against Kuno-Baby."

"Nabiki!"  Kasumi lightly scolded her younger sister.

"Hey, don't knock it," Nabiki chuckled as she took a sip of soda.  "I turned Kuno's constant losing into a good thing."

"There's just one thing that bothers me," The black haired boy said.

"What's that Daisuke?"  The boy with light brown hair said from beside him.

"Who the heck are those two pale commentators?"  Daisuke asked rhetorically.

"I don't know," Hiroshi answered.  "'But they sure are handsome!"

"That's just because it's you, Hiroshi!"  Nabiki rolled her eyes.

"Why thank you Nabiki!  Wanna go on a date?"  Hiroshi smiled broadly, but got a pop can to the forehead for his trouble.

"It is us," Daisuke responded thoughtfully.  "Or clones of us anyway, but they're claiming we died."

"Oh my!"  Kasumi gasped.

"You're right," Nabiki stated a note of worry in her usually confident tone.  "Something strange is going on.  I hope Akane is going to be okay over there with Ranma and Ryoga."

"Those two are such good friends," Kasumi cheerily spoke of the two boys.  "I'm sure she'll be just fine."

Nabiki still had her doubts.

And so did Daisuke.

Hiroshi was unconscious on the floor, covered in soda.

* * * * *

To Be Continued…


	6. The Biggest Dork in the Universe!

"April," J.R. nodded politely as the female commentator sat down at the table.  "Thank you for joining us."

"My pleasure J.R.," April responded as she placed her headset over her short red hair.

"We missed you April!"  King cried.

"Yeah, yeah," A yawn sounded from Daffy.  "How ya been?"

"The gang's all here!"  

"Hiroshi," His fellow clone warned.  "Sit down before I put you down."

"The following match is for the EMW Dork Title!"  The Announcer proclaimed.  "The loser of this next match will henceforth be known as 'The Universe's Biggest Dork'!  But here's the catch folks!  The title can be passed on to anyone at anytime!  That's right, 24-7!  Through pin-fall, knockout, or submission, ANYONE can become the Biggest Dork in the Universe!  So watch out!"

"Well that's certainly unique," April said.

"That's the neatest idea for a title I've ever heard of!"  King agreed.

"COOL!"  Hiroshi cheered.

"How much did they pay you to say that?"  Daisuke asked.

"Yeah," Daffy snorted.  "This is the lamest idea I've ever heard of!"

"Well," J.R. said.  "We'll just have to wait and see how this title does over time."

A majestic theme, similar to the workout montage from the "Rocky" movies, heralded the arrival of the first competitor.

A bald man with an impressively physique began walking down the entrance ramp wearing a red, white, and blue amateur wrestling unitard designed to look like a misguided tribute to the American flag.  Even his boots and kneepads had the stars and stripes of Old Glory as he headed toward the ring, patriotic colored pyro flaring on the stage behind him.  

"Making his way to the ring, from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, weighing in at 220 pounds, Kurt Angle!!!"

"YOU SUCK!"  The fans cheerfully chanted in time to Kurt's theme music.  "YOU SUCK!  YOU SUCK!"

"YOU SUCK!"  Hiroshi cheerfully chanted along with the fans.

"How can you say that?!?"  Daffy yelled.  "He's the best there is!!!"  

"Yeah," Hiroshi said.  "But there's no way he can beat Dan!  Go Dan!"

"Oh yeah?"  Daffy pondered.  "How about a little wager?  Fifty bucks says Kurt Angle can beat your boy!"

"You're on, Duck!"  Hiroshi said.

At that moment, Kurt entered the ring and immediately motioned for a microphone. 

"First of all," Kurt addressed the crowd of cheering fans.  "I don't suck!  I'm an Olympic gold medallist!"

"That's true," April reported.  "Kurt brought home the gold for Free-Style Wrestling in the 1996 Olympic Games."

"As if he didn't tell us that enough already," J.R. complained about the arrogant wrestler.

But Kurt had more to say.

"What is the big freakin' deal here?!?"  Kurt ranted.  "All of you must be just as angry as I am that your Olympic Hero has to fight some guy in a pink karate outfit and has a ponytail!  Not only that, we're in a match where the loser gets called the 'Biggest Dork in the Universe'!  Who the heck came up with this idea anyway?"

"Why doesn't he just quite complaining and fight?"  J.R. said.

"I don't deserve to be in this match!  I am not a dork!"  Kurt continued to rant.  "The real dorks are those people who spend all their money on Japanese cartoons and time wasting video games, then devote web sites to them!  The only thing even dorkier is to spend time on message boards talking about them!  Come on!  Get a life people!"

"I think Kurt's taking this a little too far," J.R. said.

"Yeah!"  Hiroshi shouted.  "I'm not a dork!"

"That's a matter of opinion, Cloney," Daffy smirked.

"If anything should have a web site devoted to it," Kurt continued to continue to rant.  "It should be your Olympic Hero!  Oh, it's true!  It's true!"

Then the lights dimmed and took on a pink tint as a dramatic fanfare blasted from the speakers.

"Who is this superhero?"

"Is it [Ryu]?"

"No?"

"Is it [Ken Masters]?"

"No?"

"Is it [Dan Hibiki], mild-mannered [Master of Saikyo]?"

"Could be!"

o/` [Dan Hi-biki]!  Number One Super Guy!

[Dan Hi-biki]!  Quicker Than the Human Eye!

He's Got Style, a Groovy Smile, and a Bod That Just Won't Stop!

When the Going Gets Rough, He's Super Tough, With a [Saikyo] Chop!  Hyaa! o/`

Dan appeared on the entrance stage and flexed his forearm at the crowd in own his classic taunt.

"OSHAA!!!"

"Dan's dubbed over the theme to 'Hong Kong Phooey' by Scatman Crothers," Daisuke observed.  "Somehow, that doesn't surprise me."

"And it fits!"  Hiroshi cheered before he started to sing along.

"I swear I'm going to hurt him," Daffy grumbled.

"Get in line," Daisuke agreed.

"And his opponent," The Announcer said.  "Weighing 163 pounds, the master of his own self-taught Saikyo style of martial arts, Dan Hibiki!!!"

The man in the salmon pink gi, with the sleeves torn off in a manly way, marched to the ring.

"Kurt has an advantage in height, weight, skill, experience, and, unfortunately, intelligence," April sighed.  "Even with his very own fighting style, I don't think Dan has much of a chance."

"As always, it's not the size of the dog in the fight," J.R. mused.   "But the size of the fight in the dog that counts!" 

The pink-clad underdog climbed into the ring, tucked into a ball, and rolled to his opponent.  Dan popped up right in front of Kurt, taunting with one arm and holding a custom pink microphone in the other (Even though the microphone clearly said "Barbie" on the side).

"I, in my mighty wisdom, know why you are complaining like a woman of aged stature," Dan confronted the "American Hero".  "It is because you know you cannot possibly fathom the awesome manly power of my Saikyo style!"  

"Is that so?"  Kurt asked.

"That and you have no friends.  OSHAA!!!"

While Dan taunted, Kurt threw down the microphone and clotheslined him.

[BIGGEST DORK TITLE MATCH]

[KURT ANGLE]

[VS.]

[DAN HIBIKI]

[*DING!*]

"Angle starts off by flooring Dan with a vicious Clothesline!"  J.R. yelled.

Dan Hibiki quickly recovered and, in a kneeling position, lashed out and kicked Kurt's legs out from under him. 

"And Dan responds by taking Kurt down with an awesomely devastating Leg Sweep!"  Hiroshi cheered.

"An 'awesomely devastating'...Leg Sweep?" Daisuke asked.  "...Right."

"YAHOOIE!!!"  Of course, Dan took this time to taunt instead of capitalizing on his opponent's temporary weakness.

That was a bad move.

The expert grappler shot up and locked his arms around Dan's waist from behind.

"Whoa!  Hello!"  The Saikyo Master misinterpreted.  "I am truly flattered, but the mighty manly Dan does not swing that Waaaaaaaahhh!!!"

Dan was interrupted when the Olympian Hero bent over backwards, lifting Dan into the air and causing his head and neck to impact on the mat...HARD!

"German Suplex!"  J.R. yelled.  "Kurt Angle delivers a devastating German Suplex on Dan Hibiki!"

"And he hasn't let go!"  Hiroshi observed.

"He's hanging on like a pit bull!"  Jim Ross said as Kurt lifted Dan into the air and slammed him into the mat yet again.

"Another one!"  King yelped.

"Dan can't possibly take more than that!"  Daffy vehemently hoped.

But Kurt didn't stop there.  No, he held on delivered three more gut-wrenching German Suplexes before finally letting the battered Saikyo Master go.

"Five German Suplexes in a row," Daisuke counted.  "Impressive."

"Oh my God," April gasped in shock.  "How can someone survive that?"

The man in salmon pink was left lying on his back, and writhing in pain only a moment before Kurt delivered a sick stomping kick to Dan's forehead.  

Dan grasped his face in pain and instinctively rolled over onto his stomach.

Another, but much more common, big mistake.

"WOOOOO!!!"  Kurt yelled.  "WHO'S TAUNTING NOW, HUH?!?"

Kurt kneeled down, grabbed Dan's left leg, and began twisting his foot in a way not intended for normal human anatomy.

"Angle has the Ankle Lock locked in!"  J.R. announced the crippling submission move.

Dan screamed in pain. It was an ear-piercing sound that could be heard from even the top row of the stadium's seating.

"This is Kurt's favorite submission hold!"  Hiroshi yelled.  "Will Dan tap out?  Will he give up to stop the pain?!?"

"I would," Daffy said.  "Ouch."

"TAP!!!"  Angle demanded, savoring his opponent's screams of absolute anguish.

With a grunt of pain, Dan managed to flip over onto his back and kicked Kurt in the face until he let go of the hold. 

Kurt staggered backwards and felt his face for any tentative damage.

Using this momentary advantage, Dan made his way to the corner ring post.

"And Dan's favoring that left foot," J.R. said in surprise as Dan began to limp up the turnbuckles.  "But he's goin' up top!"

"What amazing, high-flying move could he have planned for the Olympic gold medallist?"  Hiroshi shouted.

"I bet he's going up there just to taunt," Daisuke monotoned.

"Dan-Super-High-Ultra-Special-Secret..." The Saikyo Master boldly announced while perched on the top of the ring post.  "TAUNT!!!"

"See?"  

"Bad move there, Dan," King laughed.

In a split second, Kurt noticed Dan's position, he raced across the ring, literally ran up the ring post, grabbed a surprised Dan, and vaunted off the top, plucking the Pink Wonder from his perch and sending him flying.

"Woo-Hoo!"  Daffy laughed as Dan's body landed hard and skidded across the ring.  "Enjoy your flight Danny-Boy?"

"Well," Daisuke began.  "Kurt may be a dork..."

"Dweeb," Hiroshi added.

"Olympic Hero," King objected.

"Nerd," J.R. agreed.

"Success Obsessed Neurotic," April observed.

"Money in the bank," Daffy cackled gleefully.

"Call him what you will," Daisuke continued.  "You have to admit, Kurt's a pretty good fighter."

"He's a World Class athlete, that's for sure," J.R. admitted.

Despite the pain, Dan stumbled to his feet as Kurt Angle stood ready for his next move.

"Certain Victory Trusting In Nobody But Myself Fist!!!"  Dan yelled as he lunged forward pummeled his Olympian opponent with a series of martial arts punches that ended in a spinning uppercut.

At least, that's what was supposed to happen.

Instead, during his very first punch, Angle grabbed his arm, using Pink Wonder's own momentum to pull him across the ring, sending him into the ropes (This basic move is known as an Irish Whip).

Dan bounced off the elastic-like ropes and into the waiting arms of Angle, who again quickly grabbed him around the waist and flung him completely overhead and back down to the mat.

"An amazing Belly-to-Belly Overhead Suplex!"  J.R. said.  "As predicted, Kurt Angle is solidly in control of the match."

"And he's whooping ass too!"  Daffy added, laughing.

"This environment is clearly made to favor the technical wrestling style of Kurt Angle," April admitted.

"How is Dan able to take this kind of punishment?"  King wondered.

"The strongest things about Dan are his determination...and his skull," Daisuke answered.

"He's got heart," J.R. praised Dan's effort.  "That's for sure." 

"Yeah, Dan!!!"  Hiroshi cheered.  "Never give up!!!"

"DAN DAN BOOT TO THE HEAD!!!"  Dan Hibiki rebounded with his self-named flying kick, which sailed clear over Kurt's head as the American grappler simply ducked.

Dan landed and turned to find his adversary at the opposite end of the ring, waiting for him to make another costly mistake. 

Instead, Dan made an unexpected move.

"GADOKEN!!!"  The Master of Saikyo thrust his arm forward and released a baseball-sized ball of blue energy.

"A ki projectile attack!"  April shouted.

"This could be the attack that gives Dan the upper hand!"  J.R. guessed.

"I seriously doubt it," Daisuke said.

Kurt watched in horror...awe...confusion...utter boredom (Trust me, it had time to change), as the blue projectile floated about three feet, then fizzled out completely. 

Angle wasted no time in racing to Dan, grabbing his left arm and leg, and hoisting him up on his shoulders.  If the sadistic Olympian were to drop backwards now it would mean...

"The Angle Slam!"  J.R. yelled.  

"If Kurt manages to hit his finishing maneuver, it could be all over!"

In a last ditch effort, Dan struggled out of Angle's grasp and landed in front of him.  Instantly, Dan locked his arms around the waist of the Olympic Hero.

"Is Dan going for a Suplex?"  King pondered.

"I don't think so," Daisuke knowingly said.

"OTOKO MICHI!!!"  Dan yelled right before he exploded in a brilliant flash of pink light.

"OH MY GOD!!!"  A shocked J.R., Hiroshi, and April screamed in horror.

"Oh relax," Daisuke rolled his eyes.

When the smoke literally cleared, the battered and slightly singed fighters teetered on their feet in their torn and tattered costumes.

Kurt fell backwards and collapsed onto the mat.

The Well-done Wonder soon followed and unconsciously landed on top of Kurt Angle, effectively pinning the WWE Superstar.

"That's not fair!!!"  Daffy objected.  "He cheated!!!"

"1...2...3!!!"

"Your winner," The Announcer proclaimed.  "By a very unusual pin fall, Dan Hibiki!!!"

The crowd cheered for the Saikyo Master's underdog victory. 

"Which makes Kurt Angle the Universe's Biggest Dork!!!"

In a flash of white light, a brown pleather weight belt appeared on Kurt Angle's waist.  The Dork Title had a bronze plaque with a goofy face and the word "LOSER" clearly engraved on it. 

"You have to admit," Daisuke as the EMTs ran down the ramp with stretchers for the charred competitors.  "Dan took a gamble and got lucky.  Kurt Angle seriously looked like he was going to win."

"I don't _have_ to admit that", Daffy argued.

"I thought you liked Kurt," April commented.   

"That's before I knew he was going to lose to a guy with a ponytail dressed in pink," Daffy said as he slumped in his seat.

"Yeah!" Hiroshi cheered.  "Go Dan!  Now where's my money?"

Daffy muttered something unintelligible as he handed Hiroshi his cash, but it would've been censored anyway, so it doesn't really matter. 

"I would like to take this opportunity to state that neither EMW nor any of its affiliates condone gambling in any way," Daisuke stated.

"Nice try," April smirked.  "But you still owe me five bucks."

"Fine," Daisuke muttered as he fished the fin out of his pocket.

All of a sudden, an image appeared on the gigantic screen above the entrance stage.

"What's going on?"  Hiroshi asked.

* * * * *

To Be Continued…


	7. Welcome to the New World Order!

In one of the well-lit corridors of the backstage area, a female figure in a tattered white tunic was shown walking with her back to the camera.  The unique thing about her was that she had light purple skin, bat-like wings, and a tail.  Her wings were wrapped around her shoulders, making them look like a cape, and her long brown hair flowed down her back.  

"Who's that?" King inquired, obviously really wanting to know.  

"Her name is Angela," Daisuke provided.

"Who?" 

"She's a gargoyle, King," Daisuke responded.  "A member of the Manhattan Clan, if my sources are correct."

"Where do you and J.R. get these 'sources'?" King asked.

"That's for us to know," Daisuke answered.  "And you...to not."

"Awww," The King whined.  "Work with me, Daisuke." 

"Don't you start," Daisuke snapped.  "Anyway, gargoyles are a rare race of noble warriors, living to protect the innocent and their home.  Tonight a couple members of the Manhattan Clan are serving as security tonight in this odd environment, along with their human friend, NYPD detective, Elisa Maza."  

"I wonder how she feels about inter-species dating," King wondered.

"Don't you ever stop?" April demanded to know.

"Nope," King responded proudly.

"Hey Angela!"  A voice called from behind the female gargoyle.

"Yes?" Angela said as she turned around, only to be punched in the face by a seven foot tall, 300-pound man with long dusty blond hair in black pants and a black and white "nWo" T-shirt.  

"What the hell?!?" J.R. shouted in surprise.  "Kevin Nash just attacked Angela!  What in the hell is he doing?!?"

J.R.'s unexpected, and unwanted answer came when two more figures appeared on the scene.  A sly looking man with slicked back black hair tied back in a familiar pigtail style, and a smaller man (Comparatively only.  He is six damn feet tall!) with a black goatee and straggly hair in a black bandanna, both dressed similarly to Nash, attacked the slightly dazed gargoyle.  

"And there's Scott Hall and X-Pac to complete this sick ambush by the nWo," J.R. voiced his disdain for the self-serving trio.  "They have no business being in the building, let alone attacking someone."

"Maybe so J.R.," Hiroshi excitedly agreed.  "But I don't think even the nWo can take on a gargoyle.  Not without some kind of weapons at least."

As if to prove Hiroshi's point, Angela pushed back all three of her attackers, unfurled her wings, and unleashed her shrieking battle cry, her eyes glowing blood red.  

Hall, Nash, and X-Pac seemed unaffected by Angela's display, and smiled as they prepared to resume their attack.  This, of course, left her back wide open to be rushed by two other hulking figures also wearing "nWo" T-shirts.  The weird thing about them was the fact that they where animals.  Not figuratively, literally!  One had the head of a rhinoceros, the other had the head of a wild boar with a purple Mohawk and sunglasses.

"It's Bebop and Rocksteady!" April gasped upon recognizing the mutated thugs.  "What are they doing here?!?"                 

"Well, there would be the 'weapons' Hiroshi was talking about," Daisuke stated, strangely unfazed by the amazing development. 

"Oh my God!"  J.R. exclaimed.  "The two mutants known as Bebop and Rocksteady, have apparently joined the nWo, and are now helping them beat down a defenseless Angela!"

"With claws like that, I wouldn't call her defenseless."  Daffy took notice of Angela's natural defenses.  "Getting the crap beat out of her, maybe, but definitely not defenseless."  Just as Daffy had said, Angela was indeed getting beat down by the five strong men.  Not once did she get a chance to fight back.  

When it seemed as if they finally reached the point of "too far", Scott Hall lead the way of taking it even farther.  After a devastating gut punch, he lifted her over his head, and held her, back-to-back, with her arms held out in a semi-crucified position.  

"Oh No!"  J.R. shouted, dreading the conclusion of the devastating finishing move.  "Not the Razor's Edge!  This is sick!"  Sure enough, it was Scott Hall's signature move "The Razor's Edge", and he completed it by slamming Angela to the concrete ground, head first.  With that done, Scott Hall started taunting the female gargoyle, who responded by writhing in pain.     

"Hey guys," Hall said to his cohorts while holding a toothpick in between his vicious smile.  "I have an idea!  Hold her!"

With that Nash and Bebop each grabbed an arm and became the only thing holding the barely conscious Angela vertical.  Scott Hall draped an arm over Rocksteady's shoulder and whispered into his flapping ear as he led him down the hallway.  

Meanwhile, X-Pac took the opportunity to take a few more cheap shots on the prone gargoyle, using his limited martial arts skill to deliver kicks into Angela's head and chest. 

"This is just sick," J.R. continued to rant about the beating taking place, yet helpless to do anything about it.

"What in the world could the nWo have planned?" Hiroshi ranted along the same lines as J.R.  "What could they possibly gain by this heinous assault?"   

Offering no answer to Hiroshi's question, X-Pac stopped kicking the unfortunate Angela only moments before Rocksteady came charging down the hallway at full force.  Angela barely had the time, or strength, to lift her head and see the oncoming mutant freight train.  

"Oh God No!!!" Hiroshi and J.R. shouted in unison as they sat witness to the charging force of carnage heading towards the prone female gargoyle.  "NO!!!"

Rocksteady hit Angela full on tackling her to the ground and sending her into blissful unconsciousness.  

"WHY, DAMMIT?!?  WHY?!?" An appalled Jim Ross begged for an unseen answer to the hideous act just committed by the five powerful thugs now laughing at the damage they've done.

The other commentators were too shocked to even offer a suggestion.  Well, almost. 

"I have no idea J.R." Daisuke responded, still able to remain calm.  "I just hope they have a plan for when Goliath finds out."

Daisuke made reference to Angela's father, and leader of the Manhattan Clan, who is known to be very protective of his daughter, very big, very, very strong, and liable to be come very, very, VERY angry.  

"Come on, guys," Nash said to his still laughing partners-in-crime.  "We still have more business to take care of...in the ring." 

And with that they headed for the ring, a broken and unconscious female gargoyle left sprawled on the ground.

* * * * *   

"God dammit!" J.R. swore.  "What the hell could they possibly want out here?" 

"Looks like we are, sadly, about to find out," Daisuke said.     

"NEW-N-NEW-NEW-NEW WORLD ORDER!"

No sooner than Daisuke finished his sentence, static disrupted the video feed and the world turned black-and-white as the repetitive opening guitar strains of the New World Order theme announced their arrival on the entrance ramp.      

"And now these bastards have the audacity to come out here after what they've just done," J.R. was just as disgusted as the crowd, who loudly voiced their disapproval of the nWo's actions.  

"After what they just did," Daffy said, minimally appalled, but greatly impressed by the nWo's show of strength.  "I'm not going to be the one to tell them 'No'."   

As they posed on the entrance ramp, the vicious gang of fighters soaked up the audience's hatred like it was the golden rays of the sun.  X-Pac was now carrying his pair of black nunchakus.  A fact that didn't go unnoticed, but oddly, uncommented on, by Miss O'Neil.   

"And now, making their way to the ring," The blond ring announcer said, lacking in his usual enthusiasm.  "Being accompanied by Bebop and Rocksteady, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, and X-Pac, the New World Order."  

Now that the crowd knew exactly who they were booing at, they had no problem doing so even louder as the crew of thugs sauntered down the ramp.  Rocksteady's camouflaged army pants where the only thing standing out from the others' nWo "uniforms" (You know, besides the fact he was part rhino).  

Finally, when they entered the ring, the static flashed and the world returned to normal hues.  

Unfortunately, the nWo still remained, as big and as bad as ever.  They called for a microphone (Actually they just took the ring announcer's and threw him out of the ring), as Bebop and Rocksteady walked to the side of the ring and gave their "old friend", April, a friendly wave.

"Hey April!" Bebop snorted as he waved to the news reporter.  "Nice to see you again!"

"Yeah," Rocksteady snickered.  "We look forward to working with you and your little green pals!"

April merely slid down in her seat, keeping an eye on her old enemies and wondering if her "green pals" were going to make it out here before the two powerful mutants and their new friends get violent again.    

Then her attention was drawn to Scott Hall, as he raised the mike to his mouth.  

"Hey yo!" Hall began, smiling at the negative crowd reaction.  "Say hello to the 'Shin nWo'!"  

Hall made a sweeping motion with his arm, taking in the entire rind and indicating all of his teammates, including the nWo's newest members, Bebop and Rocksteady.  

The crowd's jeers appropriately grew louder.

"The 'New' New World Order?" Daisuke repeated out loud.  "Isn't that kinda redundant?"

"Yes," Daffy sarcastically responded.  "And I'd like to see you go up there and tell them that."

"Uh, no thanks," Daisuke sarcastically replied.  "I'm not in any real hurry to die again."

Scott Hall continued. 

"I suppose you're all wondering why we just attacked poor little Angela backstage," He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm and disdain for all other life.  "Well Kevin Nash has the answer."

Hall passed the microphone over to his best friend, and the nWo's tallest member, Kevin Nash.

"You wanna know why we brutally beat Angela backstage?" Kevin Nash rhetorically asked the booing crowd and television audience.

"Hell yes!" J.R. finally said to no one in particular.

"It's because she was THERE!"  Nash snarled into the microphone.

"What?!?" Both J.R. and Hiroshi shouted in disbelief.

"We attacked her because she was the first person we saw when we walked into the building!"  The 300-pound Kevin Nash continued.  "We attacked Angela and left her a broken mess simply because we could!  And to send the message that anyone of you pathetic losers in the back can be next!"  

Kevin Nash then handed the microphone to X-Pac.  Immediately, chants of "X-Pac Sucks!" began in the crowd.

"That's right, Kevin," X-Pac said, totally ignoring the disrespect he was receiving from the filled to capacity crowd.  "Anyone can be next!  Stone Cold Steve Austin, Ranma Saotome..." 

The crowd cheered as the two fan favorite fighters appeared on the nWo's potential hit list.  X-Pac continued to list potential victims, while the crowd continued to cheer their names in the hopes that some of them would come out and beat the living hell out of the nWo monsters standing tall in the ring.

"The Ninja Turtles, Terry Bogard, Ryu--" X-Pac was cut off by bluesy guitar strains and flashing red and yellow lights.

The entire nWo turned to the entrance ramp as the opening to Jimi Hendrix' "Voodoo Child" played barely as loud as the fans cheered.  Everyone knew exactly who was interrupting the nWo's tirade, and the crowd couldn't be happier.

o/` Well, I Stand Up Next to a Mountain

And I Chop It Down With the Edge of My Hand

Well, I Stand Up Next to a Mountain 

Chop it Down With the Edge of My Hand 

Well, I Pick Up All the Pieces and Make an Island 

Might Even Raise a Little Sand o/`

"What the--?" Was all Daffy could get out over the excited screams of both the crowd and Hiroshi.  

The cheers grew even louder as a huge man, colorfully dressed in red and yellow wrestling tights and tank top, appeared at the top of the entrance ramp.

"It's Hollywood Hulk Hogan!" Good Ol' Jim Ross cheered as the biggest name in professional wrestling history stood at the top of the ramp, microphone in hand.

Before he spoke, Hogan took a moment to pose for the thousands of "Hulkamaniacs" in attendance.  

The man with bleached blond hair covered by a red and yellow bandana, even played a little classic air guitar in tune to his theme music as the audience cheered there hearts out over his mere presence. 

Hulk Hogan smiled knowingly underneath his bleached blond handlebar mustache then raised the microphone as the cheering crowd lowered to a dull roar.

"Well Brothers," Hogan began, looking down upon his former partners-in-crime standing in the ring.  "What you did tonight has got to be one of the lowest things I've ever seen anybody do in my life."  

The assembled crowd cheered in agreement.  

"I mean," Hogan continued. "When I was in the nWo, sure, I did some crazy stuff, but that was just plain mean."  

"What are you gonna do about it, Old Man?" X-Pac shouted from the safety of the ring.     

"Well," Hogan said.  "First, I'm gonna kick your ass, X-Punk.  Then the millions of Hulkamaniacs watching worldwide will see me do the same to Hall and Nash."

The Shin nWo took only a second to process this.  Then they burst out laughing.  

"Really?" Kevin Nash asked after he took the mike from X-Pac.  "What are you going to do to do about our new pals, Rocksteady and Bebop?"  

The two mutant animal/human hybrids smiled and stepped forward at the mention of their names.

"Well, there's not much I can do," The Immortal One confessed with a sly smile.  "But that's what these guys are here for...Brother!"

With roaring battle cries, two massive forms raced out of the entrance and down the ramp as soon as The Hulkster finished his taunt, bat-like wings unfurled and eyes blazing white.  

"It's Broadway and Brooklyn!"  Hiroshi screamed in excitement.  

"Ow!"  Daisuke rubbed his ear closest to Hiroshi.

"More gargoyles from Angela's clan have come out to help Hogan take out the Shin nWo trash!"  J.R. cheered.

As the two gargoyles and seasoned grappler charged the ring, the Shin nWo prepared for battle.  

Except for Kevin Nash.  

The sly smile that appeared on his face went completely unnoticed; as did the small electronic device he pulled from his pocket.  Nash pressed a button on the device and a blue flash covered the ring.

The crowd cheered in delight as Hogan, Brooklyn, and Broadway raced into...an empty ring.  

"Wha--" King stuttered.  "What happened?!?"

"They teleported!" April noticed.  "They've escaped via teleportation!"

"New name, new members," An angry J.R. noted.  "But the same old bullying tactics!"

Hogan and the two gargoyles stood in the ring for a few tense moments, until one of them remembered more important matters.

"Angela!"  Broadway shouted, then leapt out of the ring and landed halfway up the ramp, in a full sprint toward the back.

As Brooklyn and the Hulkster watched Broadway disappear into the back, they suddenly found themselves surrounded by a wildly cheering crowd.  A fact that thoroughly confused the brick colored gargoyle.

"Are they cheering...for ME?" 

"You bet man!"  Hogan responded proudly, as always feeling energized by the cheering of his "Hulkamaniacs".  "When you fight on the side of righteousness, you always get cheered for!" 

"That hasn't always been my experience," Brooklyn responded bitterly, but he had to admit, he was receiving a lot of applause, and he was enjoying it.  Brooklyn tentatively raised his arm in victory, and the crowd's cheering nearly doubled!  "I could get used to this."

"Welcome to my world, Brother!"  With that, Brooklyn and the Immortal One began to flex and pose for cheering fans. 

"But we won't have to worry about the Shin nWo as long as we have the likes of the Gargoyles and Hollywood Hulk Hogan!" 

"Call me crazy," Daisuke pondered.

"You're crazy," Hiroshi, King, and Daffy claimed in unison.  

"I asked for that," Daisuke sighed.  "Anyway, I don't think guys like the 'Shin' nWo are going to be that easy to scare off." 

_-_-_-_-_

Among the amazingly bright showing of flashbulbs in the crowd, one shutterbug at least was working. 

"Wow!"  A young man said from behind shuttering lens of a camera.  "And here I thought gargoyles were just for sitting on top of and sulking.  These pictures of real live gargoyles are going to make J.J.'s bad haircut stand on end!"

A sudden tingling in the back of his head caused the freelance photographer to stop taking pictures and search the crowd for signs of danger.

"Uh-oh Petey," He said to himself.  "And here you thought this would be just another boring night of madness, mayhem, and men in tights beating the stuffing out of each other all in the name of good old family fun."

His search for danger came to an end just a few rows behind him.  Two over-coated figures clearly stood out from the crowd.  Not only was it the odd amount of covering in the adequately warmed arena, but their visible hands seemed to be covered in golden armored claws, and one of them was aiming said claws at the ring.

"Ahem," One of the figures with long brown hair coughed as he calmly reached over and lowered his sibling's arm with claws of his own.  "Now-now, Sis.  Patience." 

"Oh c'mon!"  The spiky brown haired woman with long sideburns argued.  "You wanna kill them just as much as I do."  

The red optic sensor that replaced the male's right eye began to release a furious glow.

"I know," He growled.  "But we're not here to kill them.  Not yet anyway.  We're waiting for the big one."

"...Okay fine."  The woman reluctantly agreed. She then proceeded to console herself by imagining using the posing gargoyle and popular, yet aged, wrestler in the ring for target practice.

_-_-_-_-_

By this time, the freelance photographer from earlier had already left his seat and was searching for a secluded place to change clothes, and identities.  

"I knew I recognized those two from television.  The bathroom?  Nah.  If what I hear about them is true, they're here to cause trouble.  Where's a phone booth when you need it?  Thank you 'Spider-sense'!  Now where can I--Ah-ha!  Perfect!"

* * * * *

To Be Continued…


	8. The Wonders of Science!

"We will, of course, keep you updated on Angela's condition as soon as it becomes available," J.R. announced.  "But right now, we have to move on with our very first 'Off-Site' match of the evening!"

"The show must go on," April sighed regrettably.

"'Off-Site Match'?"  Daffy pondered.  "What the heck is that?"

"Good question Daffy," J.R. opened.  "Daisuke?"

"Thank you, J.R." Daisuke prepared to explain, but as soon as he began the camera feed was interrupted by loud static.

* * * * *

The image that appeared on the giant screen in the stadium, as well as the millions of television sets across the globe, was that of an average blackboard.  In front of the educational tool stood a little girl, approximately 12 years old, with very long, spiky pink hair and bangs that loosely resembled the limbs of a crab.  

"Pardon me guys!"  The young girl said with a prideful smile.  "Why don't you let me, Washu 'The Greatest Genius in the Whole Universe', answer your question!"

Two small Washu dolls appeared on the genius's shoulders.

"Do it Washu!"  Shoulderbot "A" cheered.  "You know everything!"

"That's right!"  Shoulderbot "B" agreed.  "You're the smartest Washu!" 

"Of course!"  Washu crowed, her hands placed on her hips in a superior pose.  "But all of you in T.V. Land can just call me 'Little Washu'!  Okay?"

The shoulderbots disappeared as Washu then reached up to the blackboard and flipped it over.  The other side revealed hundreds of highly advanced chalk equations, designs for massive science fiction-type weapons, and a couple games of Hangman and Tic-Tac-Toe.

"Now to business!"  Washu announced, her mode of dress now reflecting that of a college professor.  "An Off-Site Match means exactly that; a match that must be held outside of the EMW Arena.  The reason for this is that at least one of the participants in said match has powers, abilities, or weapons that can't be safely exhibited in the confines of the average ring (Like my genius for example!).  And as we all know, it's all about safety isn't it folks?"

With that Little Washu pulled a laser blaster twice her own size out of nowhere and decimated the blackboard, leaving only burning ashes behind her.

"Now, where's this little punk I'm supposed to fight?"

"No one is a match for your genius Washu!"  Shoulderbot "A" cheered.

"You'll win for sure Washu!"  Shoulderbot "B" agreed.

* * * * *

With that the camera feed returned to the six confused commentators.

"That is what you were going to say, right?"  Daffy asked dryly.

"Something like that, yeah," Daisuke signed and fished a Game Boy Advance out of his pocket.  "If anybody needs me I'll just be playing 'Mega Man.EXE'."

"Anyway," J.R. said, trying to save face.  "We now take you live to Dexter's Laboratory, where our very first Off-Site Match is about to get underway!" 

* * * * *

[DEXTER]

[VS.]

[WASHU HAKUBI]

[*DING!*]

Deep underneath his parent's home in mainstream suburbia, Dexter, Boy Genius, worked diligently on the highly technical, ultimately advanced, and terribly delicate aspects of his latest invention.  

Okay, so the little red haired boy in the lab coat and thick glasses was just continuously tightening a bolt on a piece of metal.

"At last!"  He shouted in triumph, holding his device up to the heavens.  "My greatest invention is completed!"

"Ahem," A female voice behind him coughed.

Almost on instinct, Dexter whirled around and shouted at the intruder in a thick Eastern European accent, shaking his purple-gloved fist.

"Dee Dee!  How many times must I tell you--"  

He stopped when he realized he wasn't yelling at his "stupid sister".

Instead, he found Washu, dressed more conventionally, yet somehow more formally, in a green and navy blue long-tailed jacket, with her long hair tucked into a cap of the same color.  Her crab-like bangs the only part of her pink hair protruding from under of her hat. 

"Who the heck are you?"  Dexter asked the intruder.

"What?"  The pink-haired girl crowed.  "You don't know?  I am the great Washu!  I'm only the greatest genius in the entire universe!  But you can call me, 'Professor'."

"Oh, well," Dexter absently responded.  "In that case--Hey!  Wait just a minute!  You cannot be the greatest genius in the entire universe!  I am the greatest genius in the entire universe!"

"Is that so?  Well, why don't you put your science where your mouth is?"

"LET'S GET IT ON!"

"And the match begins!"  Hiroshi hyped as the two geniuses leapt into the air.   

Following a brief, faster-than-the-eye-can-see, martial arts exchange in mid-air, Washu landed in an odd traditional stance.  

Dexter, however, landed flat on his face with a loud thud.

*THUD!*

"And Washu lands in the traditional stance of the Sacred Genius Fist!"  Hiroshi cheered.

"How could you possibly know that?"  Daisuke blanched in amazement.

"Oh come on now," Washu sneered.  "I know you can do better than that."

"You're the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be Washu!"  Shoulderbot "A" popped up to cheer.

"Yeah!"  Shoulderbot "B" appeared to agree.  "To be the man, you gotta beat Washu!  You're going to win for sure, Washu!"

"So true," Washu laughed smugly.

"You think you are so smart?"  Dexter scoffed as he got to his feet.  "I too have creations made solely to praise my genius!"

With a grinding of gears, a fat robot parrot fought through the air and landed in Dexter's nest of red hair.

"Now you will see true genius!"  Dexter proclaimed and snapped his fingers at the green robot bird atop his head.

"Dexter's a cookie!"  It squawked.

"I am not a cookie!"

"Coooookie!"

With a growl of frustration, Dexter grabbed the robo-recorder and smashed it on the ground.

When he looked up from the fresh pile of scrap, his opponent was nowhere to be found.

"Where did she go?"

"Where's Washu?"  King pondered.

Suddenly, Washu strolled out from behind a large computer made of blue tinted metal, eyeing the machinery as she went.  

"Hmmm.  This is a nice little set up you got here," The galactic scientist said as she studied several blue-toned devices in the vast laboratory.  "...Even if it is a bit primitive."

"'Primitive'?!?"  Dexter shouted.  "Did you just call my lab PRIMITIVE?!?"

"Mm-hmm," Washu answered with a smug affirmative.

"NOW YOU HAVE GONE TOO FAR WOMAN!!!"  Dexter bellowed in his high-pitched Psuedo-German accent.

"Uh oh!"  Hiroshi .  "Never mess with a little boy's lab, right guys?"

"To be honest," J.R. said with a touch of doubt.  "I'm not too used to calling this sort of match."

"Don't worry J.R.!"  Hiroshi cheered.  "We are!  Right Dai?"

"Yeah.  Sure.  Whatever," Daisuke muttered never looking up from his video game.

"And I'm just not interested," King admitted.  "Washu's too young for me."

"King!"  April snapped.

"What?"  He replied.

"Washu may look young, but she actually has 20,000 of experience on Dexter," April stated.  "But Dexter still has the home field advantage.  What do you think Daffy?"

"I'm gonna get a soda" Daffy said getting up from his seat.  "Anybody else want one?"

Back in the lab, Dexter made a dramatic show pressing a button on his watch, which sent a pulse of brilliant white light across the massive laboratory.

"Oooo," Washu said mockingly as the light harmlessly passed over her.  "Nice light show."

With a rush of air and a thunderous quake, a giant shadow was cast over the lab, much to the surprise of the diminutive space scientist.  

Washu slowly turned around to find a giant black and white robot looming over her that looked oddly like her opponent.

"THERE IT IS!!!"  Hiroshi plotzed.  "OUR FIRST MECHA OF THE NIGHT!!!"

"And Dexter takes this fight to the next level!"  J.R. followed suit.

"You're getting the hang of it J.R."  Daisuke casually noted.  "Good for you (Take that Guts Man)."

"So 'Professor'," Dexter said from the cockpit located in the head, his voice amplified by speakers mounted on the outside of the giant mecha.  "How do you like my DEXTER-ROBO?"

"Eh," Washu scoffed.  "It's not so great."

A massive purple hand reached out to the small space scientist and the familiar whine of plasma cannons powering up began to echo loudly in her ears.

"Good luck Washu," Shoulderbot "A" said before it disappeared behind her back.

"You're on your own Washu," Shoulderbot "B" announced before it joined it's partner.

"WHAT?!?"  Washu shrieked.  "YOU TRAITORS!!!  JUST WAIT UNTIL I--"

Washu wasn't given anymore time to complain as a large yellow blast of plasma energy obliterated the small piece of the lab she currently occupied.

"Can you say 'Overkill'?"  Daisuke smirked.  "I knew you could."

"Oops," Dexter said meekly, looking down at the charred black area that used to be part of the laboratory floor.  "Maybe that was a bit too much.  A-heh."

"I'd say it's not enough really."

The boy genius spun his pilot's chair around to find Washu, completely unharmed, standing behind him in the rather roomy cockpit.

Washu then noticed the outfit Dexter had changed into.  A spandex black and white mech pilot's uniform, complete with purple gloves and visored helmet.

"Cute outfit," Washu said before she covered her mouth and pretended to cough. "*Rip-off!*  *Rip-off!*  Oh, excuse me!  I must be getting a cold!"

"Is that so?"  Dexter smiled while reaching for a button on the panel behind him.  "Perhaps you just need some...FRESH AIR!"

The ejection fail-safe expelled Washu from the head of the giant mecha.  

As Washu flew through the air of the amazingly high ceilinged lab, Dexter took aim at his impromptu clay pigeon. 

"TAKE THIS, 'PROFESSOR!!!"  Dexter shouted before firing off another plasma blast.

"WHAT KIND OF STUPID TAUNT IS THA--?!?"  Washu retorted before exploding in mid-air.

"YES!"  Dexter pumped his fist as smoke and large chunks of lab ceiling fell to the ground.  The Dexter-Robo followed its pilot's movements in a comical fashion.

"You've got to work on your aim!" Washu called from beside a massive machine of some sort.

"WHAT?!?"  Dexter blanched and acted to rectify his previous mistake.  

*BOOM! * The machine was destroyed in a shower of flame and shrapnel.

"Over here!"

*BLAM!*  There goes the super computer.

"No, over here!"

*KA-BOOM! *  And the quantum accelerator.

"Or am I here?"

*KA-PLOOWIE!*  Bye-bye time machine.

"WOO-HOO!!!"  Hiroshi cheered.  "LOOKIT ALL THE EXPLOSIONS!!!"

"Simple minds..."  Daisuke sighed.

"Dexter appears to be having trouble getting a lock on the wily Washu,"  J.R. observed.

"Dexter hasn't landed a hit yet!"  King laughed.

"At least, we think so," April added.

By the time the smoke began to clear, Dexter's laboratory looked more like a post-apocalyptic war zone than a blue-toned research facility, and Washu was no where to be found.

"Where did she go?"  Dexter asked, frantically aiming at everything in sight.  "Did I get her?"

A massive footstep shook the ground in answer to his question.

Wading through the smoke and debris, Washu piloted her mecha towards her waiting opponent.

"Washu decides to step up to the plate with her own self-styled mecha!!!"  Hiroshi cheered.

"'Steps up to the plate'?"  Daisuke groaned.  "Hiroshi, that was sad."

"Even I have to admit that was kinda cheesy," King agreed. 

Washu's moved her giant robot right up to her opponent and stopped to shoot off a superior pose.  It really did look like a robot version of her, right down to the crab-bangs and the long shock of pink hair running down the back.  Although they were the same size, the sleek look and smooth grace of Giant Mecha-Washu stood in great contrast to the massive bulk and sharp angles of the Dexter-Robo.  

"Yoo-hoo!"  Washu's voice called from the other mecha's external speakers.  "Can I play too?"

"Oh, you want to play, huh?"  Dexter smiled.  "Fine.  TAG!!!  YOU ARE IT!!!"

Dexter-Robo lunged forward to deliver a massive right hook, but the Giant Mecha-Washu easily 

"Apparently, Washu's mecha possesses superior maneuverability," April noted.

"But the Dexter-Robo has the edge in fire power!"  Hiroshi responded.

As the Giant Mecha-Washu ran around the lab, explosions following her every step, she tried in vain to get close enough to strike her opponent.

"No good," Washu angrily observed.  "I can't get close enough to hit him.  He's too well armed."

True, the plasma blasts Dexter fired kept Washu at bay, but he wasn't having any better luck hitting the giant Washu than he was earlier with the real one.

"I missed again!" Dexter pounded his fist on the dashboard in frustration.  "I am only hitting where she was!" 

All of a sudden, the boy genius was struck by a clarifying Epiphany. 

"Which means, I have to aim..."  The Robo-Dexter's massive purple fists flew from the wrists like rockets (Exactly like rockets actually).  "...Where she will be!"

The Giant Mecha-Washu turned its head just in time to see the incoming fist rockets.

*KRAK-OOM!!!*

"AAUGH!"  Washu shouted as her mecha slammed into the lab's unforgiving metal wall.

"WASHU IS DOWN!!!"  J.R. shouted.  "DEXTER SCORES A DIRECT HIT!"

"It kinda makes you wonder why Washu didn't add weapons to her mecha," Daisuke mentioned, still not turning his attention from his GBA.

"Why _didn't_ Washu add weapons to her mecha?"  April asked.

"See?" 

"Ah-Ha!"  Dexter laughed triumphantly.  "This proves you are no match for me, Dexter, Boy Genius!"

"Lucky shot," Washu groaned as she lifted her mecha out of the dent it created.

"'Lucky'?" Dexter asked.  "Girl, that was skill!"

"Oh yeah?"  Washu taunted.  "Why don't you get over here and let me show you some of my skillz!"

"You want some?"  Dexter's Eastern European accent asked as new hands grew from his mecha's wrists.  "YOU GOT IT!"

The Dexter-Robo again flew forward in a punch.  This time, however, Washu caught the fist in her own mecha's hand and held on tight.  Now it was Giant Mecha-Washu's turn to try and punch its opponent, only to have its fist caught in a massive purple mitt.  The two mecha stood locked in this pose, neither one giving or gaining an inch.

"AND THE TWO MASSIVE MECHA ARE LOCKED IN A DEATH GRIP!!!"  Hiroshi screamed.  "WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!?"

"They'll stay like that until one of them weakens or makes a mistake," Daisuke explained.  "Right, King?"

"That's the way it usually goes, yeah."

While their mechas remained in a stalemate death grip, Dexter had another startling revelation.  He pressed another button on his watch, and he instantly vanished.  He allowed himself a small smirk now that he proved his personal cloaking device worked, and moved on to Phase two of his plan.

After setting the Dexter-Robo on autopilot, he silently escaped through a hatch on the side of the cockpit and climbed down to the shoulder.  

He then ran up the stubby arm of his giant robot and slid down the long, slender arm of Washu's.  Using a scanner built into his watch, he suddenly  realized he was virtually invisible and couldn't see the read-out.

"Grumble, grumble, gripe, grumble," Dexter grumbled as he turned off the cloaking device and tried again.  When he found the secret entrance behind the ear, he picked the lock and snuck into the cockpit.

Once inside, Dexter found Washu pounding away at the control console, her full attention focused on the opposing mecha in front of her.

"Ha ha!  Got you now!"  She crowed, failing to notice Dexter sneaking up behind her. 

"Who has got who now, Little Washu?"  Dexter asked as he pulled an odd-looking ray gun out from the holster on his belt.

Washu allowed herself a small smile before a jagged blue light shot from the gun and froze her and the controls in a block of ice.

"DEXTER HAS FROZEN WASHU!"  Hiroshi shouted.

"I've gotten the cold shoulder before," King laughed.  "But this is ridiculous!"

"Oh King," Daisuke groaned in disgust.

"I'd say that's the match," April concluded.

"YES!"  Dexter cheered.  "Looks like we have proven who is the greatest genius in the entire universe, didn't we?"

"Yup," Washu agreed from behind him.  "We sure did!"

Dexter turned around to find his opponent, wearing a wide smile and surprisingly not frozen.

"Miss me?"  

"What the--?"  Dexter stuttered as he raced to check on his previously captured opponent, only to find a life-size Washu doll encased in the block of ice.

Before Dexter could even react, Washu cracked him over the head with a simple blackjack, rendering the upstart unconscious.

"True, it's not very scientific," Washu confessed.  "But hey, it's effective."

* * * * *

"There you have it!"  J.R. reported.  "With an impressive turn around, Washu has defeated Dexter and cemented her place as the Greatest Scientific Genius in the Universe!"

"What an amazing match!"  Hiroshi cheered.

"I'm back," Daffy said as he sipped his soda.  "Did I miss anything good?"

"Nope," King said.  "No puppies."

_-_-_-_-_

Back in the lab, Dexter was beginning to wake up with one whopper of a headache.  Which had gotten even worse when a young girl with spiky pink hair appeared over him.

"Congratulations!" Washu smiled.  "You passed the test!"

"Test?" Dexter pondered as he rubbed his aching head.  "What test?  What are you talking about you crazy girl?" 

"Why, a test of intellect, of course!"  Washu said matter-of-factly.  "You passed with flying colors (Even though it took longer than I anticipated)!  After all, I can't have a dunderhead as my new pupil now can I?"  

"'Pupil'?" The boy snapped .  "Why should I, Dexter Boy Genius, be the pupil of some stupid girl?"

"You got a bit of an attitude problem," The galactic genius noted.  "But we'll work on that.  I've had worse students.  Let's go!"

"Go?  Where?  What about my lab?"

"What about it?"

It was then that Dexter noticed his precious laboratory.  Instead of the smoldering ruins he expected, his entire laboratory had apparently been completely rebuilt.  The super computer, quantum accelerator, the time machine; all of the devices in his lab where fully repaired.  In fact, many of them looked to be running better than they ever have before.

"H-how long was I out?" He asked as he stared in wonder at his surroundings.

"About three minutes," Washu answered.  "It's amazing what medical science can do."

"WHAT?!?"  Three minutes?  Dexter thought.  If this girl could rebuild his entire lab in record time, then maybe, just maybe, he could learn a thing or two from her after all.  

"Why me?"  Was all Dexter could think of asking.

"That's easy.  You remind me of me when I was young," Washu said in a reminiscent tone. 

"Of course, I'm still cuter!"  She quickly added.  "We've wasted enough time!  Let's get a move on!"

"Where?"

"To my lab of course (And you have got to move beyond these one syllable questions)!"  With that, a laptop that seemed to be made of shadow appeared in the air before Washu.  She tapped in a few keys and a portal opened in front of Dexter, revealing a laboratory that amazed even him. 

It appeared to be in a dimension all its own; a pocket dimension filled with massive machines and amazing technology covered with thousands of colorful lights.  Yet, another portion of the lab seemed to be devoted to cultivating a single plant bathed in artificial sunlight.  Beyond all of that, Dexter could still see a massive tank holding an aquatic creature larger than anything seen living on Earth for millions of years.  And it extended even farther than the young genius's field of vision. 

He had to admit, it was pretty impressive.  It seemed to possess the greatest collection of technology in the known universe.  It seemed to be the most sophisticated research facility in the history of science.  It seemed...alive. 

"C'mon Dex," Washu said cheerfully as she grabbed her new student's arm and lead him into the scientific tesseract.  "I'll show you my patented neurotomic protocore."

It wasn't the serene perfection of his own cold and sterile lab of course, but Dexter had a feeling he would be able to adjust.

_-_-_-_-_

Dozens of fighters stalked the hallways and corridors of the backstage area.  Martial  artists and maniacs, super heroes and psychos, monsters and men; they all have different reasons for being here tonight, they all have different reasons for fighting, but not all of them chose to act openly.

In a darkened corridor protruding from the main hallway, a lean figure in a primary colored costume crawled across the ceiling towards the busy well-lit main hall.  

Completely covered from head to toe in a red and blue costume with a web pattern on it, the figure paused when he saw the sheer number of garbed costumed beings scattered throughout the area.

"Well, Parker," The masked man said as he gazed out at the crowd.  "You're knee deep in it now."

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the amazing Spider-Man is in the building!

Spider-Man dropped from he ceiling, flipped through the air, and landed in a crouch on the cement floor.

"Wow," Spider-Man whispered as he stood up and hid himself against the wall.  "I can't believe how many super powered psychos and manic martial artists there are back here.  I better stick to the shadows.  Pun intended.  Even in this get-up I'd have a hard time blending in."

"Ahem."

Spider-Man whirled around to find himself face-to-face with a living shadow towering over him.    Cloaked in black, it stepped forward into the light, revealing two sharp "horns" on the top of his head. 

"GAHHH!!!"  Spider-Man jumped back and prepared to fight the frightening figure staring down at him, a human muzzle is the only part of its body not covered in darkness.

Luckily (For who?), the young hero recognized the yellow symbol on the "shadow's" chest before he attempted to cover it in web fluid.

"Batman!  Geez!"  Spider-Man shouted.   "Give a guy a heart attack why don't you?"

"I have," The grim figure said.  He wasn't kidding.

"Riiight," Spidey blanched.   "How the heck are you even able to sneak up on me like that?"

"Your...'Spider-sense' only reacts to something that intends to harm you in some way," The Dark Knight explained.   "I had no intention of attacking you, but even if I did, you still wouldn't have picked it up."

"And how do you know that, Mr. Tall, Dark, and Menacing?"

"I make it my business to know," Batman stated simply, showing little patience for the colorful hero's sense of humor.   "Why are you here?"

"Well," Spider-Man began.  "I'm new in town and there are a lot of swell guys here.  I thought you could show me around, introduce me to a couple of the fellas, get me a date with Catwoman..."

Batman glared at the web slinger.

"Is that a 'No'?"

The fearsome vigilante's pupil-less eyes burned a hole strait through both of their masks to the young hero's very soul.

"Okay!  Fine! Just stop staring at me like that!  Geez!"  Spider-Man snapped.  "There are a couple of bad guys out there in the crowd just itching to attack those gargoyles.  I followed them back here and hoped someone like you could give me a hand."

Batman continued to stare at him a moment longer then turned his attention out to the main hallway, as if keeping a look out for some unseen danger.

"There are a lot of 'Bad Guys' around here tonight," He finally relented.  "Keep a sharp eye out.  You won't have to worry about blending in.  Trust me."

With that, the Dark Knight turned and started back down the darkened hallway, ready to lose himself in the shadows yet again.

"Did you...just accept my help?"  Spider-Man mocked astonishment as the dynamic figure marched past.  "Well, wonders never cease!"

"Don't push it," Batman stated flatly as he seemingly disappeared into the darkness.  However, he was fairly confident in the fact that not even "Spider-sense" would be able to detect the small smirk on his face.

* * * * *

To Be Continued…


	9. Lightsaber Duel!

"Batman," A voice snarled as a fist impacted with a punching bag.  "Batman!"

The crowd erupted at the mention of the mysterious vigilante's name.

Suddenly, with a slash of purple flame, the punching bag exploded in a shower of sand and simulated leather.

The enthusiastic crowd gasped in shock and fell silent (Or at least a little quieter).

"BATMAN!!!"  Iori Yagami fumed as the flames covering his hands died down.  "Why am I fighting some masked vigilante?  It's a complete waste of my skills!" 

A Gothic attired Iori of the Yagami Clan seethed in anger at the very idea of wasting his precious time in such a manner.  

"Calm down Iori," Terry Bogard laughed.  "I never knew you to be such a whiner."

Sitting on a bench in the workout room, the young fighter dressed in street clothes and a red baseball cap with a long ponytail of blond hair tightened the laces on his tennis shoes and stood to face the angry Orochi-blooded fighter.  

"And look what you've done," The leather creaked on Terry's black fingerless biker gloves as he cracked his knuckles and jokingly chuckled.  "Now we're gonna need a new punching bag."

"Shut it Bogard!" Iori snapped, glaring at the other fighter from underneath the long bangs of his flame red hair.  "When I'm through with Batman I'm coming after you two."

"And what makes you think you can beat Batman?" Ryu, the fighter in the tattered white gi and red headband said without any hint of sarcasm.

"You're joking, right?"  Iori laughed.  

"Not at all," Ryu said.  "After all, he's Batman."

"Oh please!"  Yagami scoffed.

"No, really," Terry agreed.  "He's one of the world's best martial artists, a detective of the highest caliber, and is in peak mental and physical condition for...anybody really.  And now you're facing him in one of the most brutal, sadistic, and dangerous matches ever used in sports entertainment."

"Hell in a Cell," Ryu simply stated.

The crowd's roaring approval could be heard even in the training room, deep within the bowels of the massive arena.  Having two great fighters like Iori and Batman go at it is one thing, but this startling announcement brought the anticipation to a whole new level.

"I envy you Iroi," Terry said.  "It's going to be one great fight."

"Indeed," Ryu calmly agreed.

"Big deal," Yagami snapped.  "He may be a decent fighter, but he's never faced anything like me.  As for 'dangerous sports entertainment matches', I have that covered as well."

With that, Iori turned to the door and headed out of the large exercise room.  

"See you two later," Iori snarled without looking back.  "That's a promise."  

"So," Terry smirked as smiled as soon as Iori disappeared from view.  "How do you think he'll do?"

"Fair," Ryu answered plainly.  "He might win, he might not."

Terry stared quizzically at Ryu for only a moment before busting out in a loud chortle.

"You're a very bland guy, you know that?"

"I find that actions speak louder than words."

"Let's see how loud your actions get in our match tonight," Terry said offering a handshake in the spirit goodwill and sportsmanship.

"Yeah," Ryu agreed taking his hand and returning the gesture.  "I think we'll make some noise."

* * * * *

"There you have it!"  Jim Ross cheered.  "The opponents are all fired up for two of this evening's four main events!"

"First up," April said.  "Ryu and Terry Bogard go one-on-one to fight for the honor of seeing which school of martial arts is the superior and to see who is top dog in the world of street fighting!"

"It's Shotokan vs. Hakioku Saken!"  Hiroshi hyped.  "Tonight in the ring!"

"Then, it's Iori of the Yagami Clan against the one and only Dark Knight, Batman!" J.R. proudly announced.  "And this confrontation will take place within the ominous steel structure suspended above the ring."

"Hell In a Cell!"  King chimed in.  "This one's gonna get brutal!"

"And we wouldn't have it any other way!"  Daffy chuckled maniacally.

Poised high above the ring, a twenty-foot tall steel cell hung ominously in the air.  Supported by cables and guidelines, the steel mesh structure looked like it could cover the entire ring, including a couple of feet on the outside.

"You think we would've noticed a thing like that sooner," Daisuke stated blandly.

"Yeah!" Hiroshi absently agreed.  "As good as Iori is, all those things Terry and Ryu said about Batman are absolutely true.  Iori has got his work cut out for him,"

"Looks like," Daffy yawned.

"Hey," Hiroshi pondered.  "What did Iori mean by he's 'Got it covered'?"

"Well," J.R. admitted.  "I have no idea." 

"But before we get to those," April cheered.  "We have a lot of other action packed matches to get through first!"

"Like the Bra and Panties Match!!!"  King squealed.  "I can't wait!!!  It's next!"

"You said it!"  Daffy drooled.  "Woo hoo!"

"But first," April interjected.  "We have another match to get through." 

"That's right April," J.R. assisted in changing the subject.  "This next fight is the highly anticipated duel between Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker and the young Tenchi Masaki!"

"Wait just one cotton picking minute!"  Daffy said.  "Didn't we already have a sword fight?"

"Not like this one!"  Hiroshi shouted.  "Instead of metal and wood, these two use unique swords with blades of pure energy!  Is that cool or what?"

"Sounds dangerous," April argued. 

"Must be," Daisuke said.  "This match is also being held 'Off-Site'."

"Luckily," J.R. stated.  "I've been told we are going to be joined by an expert on light and energy swords for this next match."

"An expert?"  April asked.  "Who?"

A bouncy, adventurous tune filled the arena and the crowd cheered as the lull in the action ended.  Several of them raced back to their seats, wishing they had gotten up earlier, and decided to hold it.

"This must be our expert now," Daisuke said, unenthused.

A young swordsman, last seen fighting over food in the cafeteria, appeared in the entranceway on the stage and started down ramp.  His long bishonen blond hair flowed behind him as he walked towards the ring with a wide and confident smile on his face; which caused several young girls in the audience to swoon as he passed.

"Ladies and gentlemen," The Announcer cheered, finally having something to say. "Please welcome Gourry Gabriev!"

The pieces of black metal armor covering his light blue shirt and darker blue pants clanked slightly as he marched down the ramp to the ring.  The unusual black armor on his shoulders and chest vaguely resembled football shoulder pads. 

"_Gourry_?"  Daisuke blanched.  "We throw the word 'expert' around way too loosely these days."

Nonetheless, the expert made his way to the ring and climbed through the ropes.  Once inside, he grabbed the ornate black hilt of his broadsword and pulled it out from its brown leather scabbard.  Just as casually, Gourry pulled a small pin from the sword's hilt, causing the metal blade to fall to the mat.

"What's he doing?"  King asked, laughing slightly now that Gourry has apparently disabled his own weapon.

But then Gourry struck a dramatic pose, as if to lunged forward with his blade-less sword.

"LIGHT COME FORTH!!!"  Gourry suddenly shouted.

There was a collective gasp among those who watched as, with a blast of power, a bright blue blade of jagged light extended from the hilt, creating an impressive sword made of energy.  Gourry stood in a ready pose and waited for his opponent to appear. 

"Uhh...Gourry!"  Hiroshi called into the ring.  

"Huh?"  Gourry deftly responded, looking around for the source of the voice.

"You're not here to fight someone!"

"I'm not?"  

"No," Daisuke said calmly.  "You're here to do guest commentary."

"I am?"

"_Yes!_"  All the commentators answered as one.

"...Oh!"  Gourry replied sheepishly as he sweatdropped, retracted his energy sword and replaced the metal blade.  "Right! Sorry about that!"

Unphased, Gourry stepped out if the ring and walked to the commentating table.

"Welcome Gourry!"  April said cheerfully as Gourry put on his headset and pulled out his chair.  "Are you ready for this?"

"You bet!"  The swordsman smiled as he sat down.  "I've been studying all kinds of sports trivia to get ready for this!"

"Really?"  Daisuke asked in amazement.  "You _studied_?"

"Yeah!  I know lots of interesting stuff now!"  Gourry said proudly.  "Like, did you know Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig's disease?" 

"Wow," Hiroshi responded in awe.  "Talk about ironic!"

After a beat, Daisuke spared a look at Gourry and Hiroshi then turned off his Game Boy.

"Alright, now I'm getting something to drink."

"Bring me back an extra large Mountain Dew!"  Hiroshi called after his departing partner.

"Forget it," Daisuke yelled back.

"The Bra and Panties match is the one after this one right?"  King asked, looking back and forth from Hiroshi and Gourry.

"Yes," J.R. answered.  "Why?"

"Hang on Dai!  I'm coming too!"  

"King!"  April shouted.

"Oh well," J.R. sighed, much more used to King's antics.  "We now take you to a random abandoned space station where Tenchi Masaki is waiting to face-off against Jedi Knight Luke Skywalker in our second Off-Site match of the night!"

* * * * * 

[TENCHI MASAKI]

[VS.]

[LUKE SKYWALKER]

[*DING!*]

Thousands of light-years away, the afore mentioned abandon space station floated in orbit around a strange planet.  The dark interior of the station was a vast collection of hallways and corridors of abandoned alien technology.  The only life onboard the station was two men standing in the grandiose main hall.  

One, a young man with dusty blond hair in black tunic, pants and boots.  He held the high tech hilt of his famed lightsaber.

"Now I understand Luke Skywalker is one of the few remaining members in the order Jedi Knights that once policed a galaxy far, far away," April narrated.

"I guess so," Gourry told her.  "His impressive skill comes from his mastery over the Force, which partially guides his movements and grants him many other abilities."

The only other person on the station, a Japanese teenager of seventeen with short black hair and a rat tail, stood facing Skywalker wearing an outfit that looked like a cross between Japanese ceremonial garments and something from a Shakespeare play...with a headband and puffballs.  In his hand he held the ornate ivory hilt of his sword.

"I heard Tenchi Masaki is descended from the royal family of an intergalactic empire," April said.  "How good is he?"

"His skill with the sword comes from extensive training," Gourry replied.  "But his true powers are a mystery even to him."

"This is so cool!"  Hiroshi drooled.

"Weird costume though," Daffy uttered.

"We don't have to do this," Luke Skywalker said and slowly waved his hand in front of Tenchi.

"I know we don't," Tenchi replied.

"We can end this peacefully," Luke suggested and waved his hand again.

"Yeah," Tenchi agreed.  "I'd like to think we can."

"All you have to do is forfeit," Luke stated.

Tenchi took only a moment to process Luke's proposal.

"Not a chance," Tenchi said.  "What are you doing with your hand anyway?"

"Hmm,"  Skywalker chuckled and lowered his hand.  "Nothing.  I just don't want you to get hurt."

"Skywalker was trying a Jedi mind trick!" Hiroshi exclaimed.  "It's designed to manipulate and control the weak minded!"  

"So you're saying it'd work well on you then?"  Daffy smirked.

"The determined young Tenchi is many things," J.R. said.  "But I wouldn't call him weak minded."

"Just really indecisive from what I hear," April smiled.

"I don't really want to hurt you either," Tenchi confessed.

"That's not what I said," Luke corrected.  "Do you still want to go through with this?"

"You bet!"  When Tenchi switched to a ready stance, the blue blade of his ornate ivory sword ignited and extended to its full length.

"Alright then," Luke matched his rival's stance and the green blade of his lightsaber lit into existence.

"Since we don't really want to hurt each other," Tenchi suggested.  "First one to disarm the other is the winner, agreed?"

Luke Skywalker spared a look at his cybernetic right hand, the original having been lost to his own father.

"Sounds fair," Luke said.

"Let's go!!"  Tenchi shouted and charged forward to meet Luke's first attack.  

As the energy blades of their weapons struck one another, a shower of sparks flew from the bright flash of light created at the point they touched.

Luke then returned the attack, creating another brilliant sparkle of energy. 

Both combatants began to trade parries with ever increasing speed, until they where in full combat with dangerous weapons of pure energy.

"Both weapons are dangerous, there's no disputing that," April admitted.  "But what differences are there between the lightsaber and Tenchi's sword?"

"As weird as it sounds," Gourry stated.  "Tenchi's sword is actually named the Tenchiken!"

"What're the odds of that?"  Hiroshi asked.

"Augh!"  Daffy yelled.

"While Luke's lightsaber is a technological wonder built by Skywalker himself, it is just a weapon that has been used by all Jedi Knights," Gourry expounded.  "But the Tenchiken is a totally unique magic sword, like mine!  Tenchi has a bond with his sword on a lot of different levels.  In fact, no one outside of his family can try to use it without receiving a nasty shock."

"Hold on Professor," Daffy blurted.  "Just how do you know all of this, anyway?"

"The Internet," Gourry said.

"Hmm, is that right?"  Daffy muttered in response.  "Go figure."

Blue flashed against green.  Green against blue.  Sparks flared and electricity cracked each time the beams of solid energy clashed against one another.  As the two noble combatants fought across the grand hall, neither Tenchi nor Luke paused in their trading of offensive and defensive maneuvers.

Knowing his opponent would eventually use his special powers to gain an advantage on such even ground, Tenchi used the first chance he got to break away from the fight and head up the nearest set of stairs.

However, Skywalker knew his young rival's plan to gain some high ground and raced to closely follow him up the steps.

As soon as Tenchi reached the top step, he turned to take a warning slash at his pursuer, and sliced through the steel stairs in one clean swipe.

Skywalker leaped as the stairs collapsed from beneath him, falling dozens of feet to the floor with a thunderous crash.  The momentum of Luke's jump carried him as he flipped over the head of the Juraian prince, and landed on the catwalk behind him.

"Very good," Luke smirked.  "You're learning."

"Actually," Tenchi confessed.  "That was an accident."

Suddenly, Tenchi Masaki leaped onto the thin railing of the catwalk and deftly ran passed the Jedi on the narrow beam.  Tenchi leaped off after a dozen more feet and faced Luke Skywalker from the other side, now leaving the Jedi Knight trapped between his opponent and a rather nasty fall.

"Now I'm learning."

"And Tenchi turns the tables on the veteran Skywalker not once, but twice!"  Jim Ross shouted.

"He's certainly impressing us here tonight, J.R.," April stated.

"Tenchi's got some mad skillz alright," Hiroshi said. "But Luke's still got the force backing him up!"

"Did you just say 'mad skillz'?"  Daffy asked.

"Yes?"  

"You are pathetic."

Meanwhile, the fight continued across the heights of the catwalks in the random abandoned space station.  The crisscrossing metal pathways served as a perilous battlefield as Luke and Tenchi fought across them.  Every so often a support pole would be sliced through and the entire walkway would dip to the side.  

Despite nearly toppling over the side several times, Tenchi and Luke, to their credit and the amazement of the millions watching at home, never stopped the action! 

(_Shameless plug:  Read more EMW!_)

Luke kept Tenchi on the defensive for the most part and pushed the younger man backwards through the maze of heightened steel.  

Eventually, Tenchi maneuvered his way to a narrow hallway off to the side and was followed closely by Skywalker, who continued to lay down the offensive as he stepped from the grating to a solid metal floor.

Immediately after Luke stepped off, a loud creaking preceded the entire network of catwalks falling to the floor in a hail of grating and twisted metal.

"These two are going all out!"  J.R. shouted.

"Things are getting really dangerous!"  Hiroshi screamed.

"And that's the way we like it!"  Daffy cheered.

Despite the narrow confines of their new surroundings, neither fighter slowed their pace as both swords burned through the steel walls on both sides like butter.

Not wanting to be trapped with his back against a wall, Tenchi ducked into the first door he came to.  It was a maintenance room with just enough room to maneuver and fight. 

Steam hissed inside the countless pipes running up and along the walls of the room as Luke stepped in, only to barely block the blade of the Tenchiken as it came down upon him.

"And Tenchi finally puts Luke back on the defensive!"  J.R. stated.

Tenchi and Luke made their way further into the room, the crackling of lightsabers and the hissing of steam pipes echoing loudly. 

Suddenly, Luke purposely swung wide, missing Tenchi and slicing through one of the many steam pipes, sending a blast of scalding vapors between the two.

As steam filled the room, the Juraian prince and Jedi Knight separated and waited.  Soon, separate blue and green glows made each young hero's silhouette the only thing visible among the haze.

The crackle of water vapor burning against heated energy blades over took the hissing of steam until, suddenly, the green glow disappeared.

"Luke turned off his lightsaber!"  Hiroshi stated the obvious.

"He's using his mastery of the Force to give him a huge advantage in the steam," Gourry observed. 

"Oooo...Stealthy," Daffy sarcastically slurred.

As seen through the steam, Tenchi's silhouette turned back and forth as if trying to determine which side Luke's attack would come from.  

As spontaneously as it had vanished, the green glow returned behind Masaki and swung downwards.  

A loud crackle and bright flash preceded the steam instantly evaporating to reveal the Tenchiken held behind Masaki's head, blocking Luke's attack.

"Amazing!"  April vociferated (Pretty fancy word, ain't it?).  "Tenchi managed to scout and block Luke's attack even through the fog!"

Tenchi bolted for the door, slashing another pipe as he ran past, halting Skywalker's advance and once again filling the room and hall with a thick cloud of steam.

"Tenchi seems to be doing a lot of running in this match," April observed.  "What do you make of it Gourry?"

"He's defiantly changing his normal tactic," Gourry said coolly.  "But it has nothing to do with his bravery.  Against an opponent who has an advantage like the Force, it's pretty smart of Tenchi to bait Luke into his attacks and keep him guessing."

"And it's pretty smart of you to even notice things like that," Daffy sneered.

"Thanks!"  Gourry smiled.

Daffy Duck, for the first time ever, sweatdropped.

As Tenchi raced out of the fog, he found himself in a large empty room with reflective tiles and a picture window filled with stars, replaced the far wall.  Masaki would have recognized it as a ballroom if he hadn't quickly turned and faced the obscuring mist.

As soon as he saw the familiar green glow, Tenchi released a high kick into the fog, but found his kick blocked by the hilt of Skywalker's saber as he stepped from the haze.

Tenchi leaped up and simultaneously kicked Luke's hands with his other foot and used the Tenchiken to strike the lightsaber, nearly knocking the weapon from Luke's grip.

"And Tenchi goes for the win, but just couldn't get it done!!!"  J.R. shouted.

"Kid's smarter than he looks," Daffy said.

Wasting no more words, Luke regained his grip and lunged forward, forcing Tenchi to the middle of the room.

With a renewed vigor, both combatants attacked with a controlled fury and disciplined intensity.

Sparks flew and lights flashed in rapid succession as Masaki and Skywalker ceased playing around and truly got down to business.

"Looks like lessons are over!!!"  Hiroshi shouted.  "Now Luke's trying to take Tenchi to school!!!"

"That was, without a doubt, the stupidest thing I have ever heard," Daffy declared.

In the blink of an eye, Luke managed to strike a bare part on the hilt of the Tenchiken.  A bright flash engulfed the sword and forced the two combatants back as both the lightsaber and Tenchiken flew from their hands to opposite sides of the room.

"Whoa!"  J.R. exclaimed.  "_Both_ Tenchi and Luke have been disarmed!"

"So who wins?!?"  Hiroshi asked.  "Does anybody?"

"I don't know," Gourry comically pouted in frustration.

"Does that count?"  Tenchi pondered, secretly wanting the match to continue.

"No," Luke simply replied.

"Good," Tenchi said.

Without missing a beat, both men held their right hands out to their weapons, which raised off the ground and flew through the air, activating instantly in their hands and allowing each young hero to block the other's attack with a brilliant burst of clashing energies. 

"And the match continues!!!"  Hiroshi shouted.  "Just when it looked like a stalemate, both Tenchi and Luke used telepathy to call their swords back into their hands just in time!!!"

"Now I didn't think Tenchi even had telekinesis," April confessed.

"He does, but it's pretty limited," Gourry said.  "He has other powers that are a lot cooler and really amazing!" 

"Like what?"  J.R. asked.

"I...don't know really." 

(Wow, that's the first mass commentator face fault I've ever seen!)

Back in the midst of the action, both warriors held their position, neither giving nor gaining any ground.  Sparks flew from their weapons at intermediate intervals, but both refused to budge.

Finally, as if on cue, both men jumped back and eyed each other as they began to pace in a circle, like tigers in the wild. 

"For what it's worth," Luke said, his voice ragged from heavy breathing.  "You'd make a good Jedi."

"Thanks," Tenchi smirked, also physically worn down.  "You're pretty good yourself."

Luke took this lull in the action as an opportunity to close his eyes and reach out with the Force to find an advantage.

Tenchi refused to attack his opponent, believing Luke to be unprepared, but didn't lower any of his defenses either.

"It looks like a stalemate after all," April said.

"Luke is using the Force again," Gourry explained.  "If Tenchi doesn't attack soon, Luke just might find the advantage he's looking for."

"Oh goody," Daffy drawled.

Luke reached out with the Force, using his mystical ally to see the world through his mind's eye.  Luke saw his opponent, the young Tenchi Masaki, standing ready and brimming with power, only a portion of it from the Tenchiken.  He saw the room they were in, all the angles and surfaces laid out before him in perfect detail, the last of the steam dissipating in the doorway.  

Try as he might, Luke found it exceedingly difficult to remained focused.  Something had caught his attention, a nagging sensation from elsewhere in the abandoned space station.

He switched focus and was lead to the main hall where they began the match.  Among the rubble, a medium-sized metal box with something red flashing on the front.  They where numbers.

[00:06...00:05...00:04...00:03...]

They where numbers counting down.

"Wait!"  Luke shouted as his eyes snapped open in horror.  "There's a bomb!"

"A wha--?!?"  Tenchi's query was cut-off as the entire space station became a blinding inferno.

*_KAAAAA-BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!!!_*

The camera feed cut out, leaving millions of horrified viewers watching only static.

_-_-_-_-_

"TENCHI!!!"  Sasami cried as loud as her little lungs would allow; tears already beginning to stream down her young innocent face.  

"WHAT HAPPENED?!?"  Galaxy Police Detective Kiyone Makibi tried to comprehend the horror she had just witnessed.

Princess Ayeka sat in stunned silence.  The tears welled in her eyes and threatened to mar her beauty as they already where doing to her little sister.  Ayeka tried valiantly to hold it back, but soon released a scream that conveyed every known emotion of pain and sorrow, and could be heard throughout the forests of Okayama. 

"_NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_"

* * * * *

"WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?!?"  J.R. demanded in frustration at this terrible and unexplainable turn of events.

"I don't know!!!"  Hiroshi cried, finding it difficult to do anything but stare at the horrible static that filled the giant screen.  

"I thought I heard something about a bomb," Daffy observed. 

"A bomb?!?"  Gourry asked, wishing there was something, _anything_, he could be doing to help.  "Who would do that?!?"

"You'd be surprised," April said, seemingly managing to remain calm, but still holding her notes in a furious viselike grip.  Her training as a television reporter was now in high gear.  "A better question is who _could_?"

_-_-_-_-_

Somewhere in the shadows, wild and insane laughter echoed in triumph; chorused by the very peculiar sound of a..._rubber duck_?

*SQUEAK!*

*  *  *  *  *

Back in the arena, the audience began to stir and whisper as they began to suspect the explosion may not have been a planned part of the show.

Seeing this, Gourry took off his headset and got from the commentating table.

"Where are you going?"  J.R. asked.

"What can you possibly do?"  April quickly inquired.

"Anything I can," Gourry said, then turned to race up the ramp and to the backstage.

"Here's hoping," Daffy offered, honestly hoping there was something that could be done.

"Wait!" Hiroshi shouted.  "The screen's back on!"

_-_-_-_-_

"_TENCHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_"

That is the sound of ultimate suffering.  It came from the heart and soul of a young woman with a mane of spiky silver hair in the main backstage hallway she stood at a monitor screen.

"RRRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!"  She screamed as her fist impacted with the television screen, easily shattering the device to bits.

"Please Ryoko!"  Mihoshi pleaded with her friend, already sobbing uncontrollably herself. "Calm down!  There's gotta be something we can do!  We have to think of something!"

"CALM DOWN?" The former space pirate raged.   "_CALM DOWN_?!?  I'LL SHOW YOU CALM!!!"

"EEEKKKKK!!!"  The Galaxy Police Officer screamed and ducked for cover as orange energy blasts blew apart the area around her.  Mihoshi ran down the hall followed closely by a hail of explosions and debris.

Soon, Ryoko tired of blowing things up and used the orange energy to form an energy blade in her bare hands and started to blindly slash at anything within reach.  Coffee tables, cameras, wires, and even the brick wall fell victim to Ryoko's fury.

"Ryoko!!!"  Mihoshi tried again to reach her friend.  "You should stop before someone gets hurt!  Please!  Stop!"

However, in her rage, Ryoko couldn't hear the screams of the frightened technicians and staff as they ran for their lives.  She couldn't see the young woman who tripped and fell in her path, couldn't read the nametag that read "Erin Langstrom".  Mihoshi's warning had fallen on deaf ears, and, as Ryoko's orange blade fell, it appeared as if an innocent would now pay the price.

"LIGHT COME FORTH!!!"

Jagged blue energy blocked the orange blade, and Gourry stepped in-between the fallen girl and Ryoko's unbridled rage.

Without taking his eyes off Ryoko, Gourry spoke to the fallen girl.

"You should move," He said.  "Get to safety."

The girl followed Gourry's advice and high-tailed it to safety.  

"I know how you feel lady," Gourry said to Ryoko.  "But you need to settle down."

"WHAT DO YOU KNOW?!?"  Ryoko shouted.  "HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY KNOW WHAT I FEEL?!?"

"Uhhh..."  Gourry pondered.  "Good question."

With their blades still locked in combat, Ryoko released the blade of energy with her right hand in order to form a ball of orange energy, one that Gourry would be unable to avoid.

"FIREBALL!"

Instantly, Ryoko was enveloped in flames.  

Gourry took this chance to leap backward  and hop around wildly screaming and trying to put out his left leg.  

"Not exactly the best way to cool you down," Lina Inverse smiled.  "But it got you to stop."

The bantam sorceress watched as the fire around Ryoko dissipated in an unexpected burst of energy.  The ex-space pirate emerged completely unscathed, but with a look in her eyes that pierced Lina's well-placed bravado. 

Lina knew that look.  She saw that look in the mirror the time she thought Gourry was dead.  Not that she's in love with Gourry or anything like that!  No, of course not!  She...uhh...she just really wanted his Sword of Light!  Yeah!  That's the ticket!

"You want a piece of me?"  Ryoko seethed.

"Now before you go all hack 'n' slash on us again," Lina said calmly and rolled a new monitor into view.  "I suggest you take another look at what's happening out there."

"What?"  Ryoko snapped.

The screen of the new monitor revealed a field of stars where the tragic space station was once floating.  It was just millions of stars and what was left after the massive explosion that claimed the lives of two good men.  Nothing but stars, especially that weird looking round one floating among the debris.  Wait.  That's not a star.  It's...

"Tenchi?"  

* * * * *

In the dead of space, two men floated safely inside a sphere of pure white energy.

The Crown Prince of Jurai, Tenchi Masaki, stood with his arms outstretched before him.  Three blades of blue light levitated in front of him like the giant propeller of an old-fashioned airplane.   

Tenchi himself was now draped in a samurai costume of brilliant white and sky blue with two whit sashes that seemed to flow from his shoulders.

The Jedi Knight, Luke Skywalker, stood next to the boy in the ivory costume.  He looked out into the depths of space, then back to the young man controlling the three-pronged formation of the Lighthawk Wings keeping them alive.  He only had one thing to say.

"I guess this means you win." 

"Yeah," Tenchi smiled.   "I guess it does."

* * * * *

"We saw what happened," Daisuke said as he rushed back to his seat.  "Well, _I_ saw what happened, King was hanging around outside of the women's bathroom." 

"What?!?"  King squeaked in self-defense.  "I saw no one got hurt!  I'm glad!" 

"Well," April sighed.  "That was sure exciting."

"And what excitement!" Hiroshi cheered.  "Tenchi wins in an explosive victory!!!" 

"He just doesn't get it, does he?"  Daffy asked.

"Nope," Daisuke answered.

"But regardless," J.R. announced.  "We'll have much more action when we come back!"

"Stay tuned!"  Hiroshi cheered...again.

"Bra and Panties!"  King shrieked in anticipation.  "Bra and Panties!"

_-_-_-_-_

"C'mon Mihoshi!"  Ryoko said, grabbing the detective by the arm and dragging her down the hall.  "Tenchi's in trouble!  Ryo-Oh-Ki's back home so we'll need to use your ship!" 

"B-but Yagami isn't ready!"  Mihoshi stuttered.

"Then you better make it re--" Ryoko began, but suddenly found herself frozen in place.  She remained held in place an unseen force as a figure no more than three feet tall walked into view.

"Patience you need," Yoda said, easily containing Ryoko with his considerable control over the force.  "Wait you must."

"But they're floating out in space!"  Ryoko argued, still unable to move.

"A friend we have out there," Yoda calmly stated.  "Safe they will be.  Retrieve them he will."

"Okay..." Ryoko reluctantly agreed.  "But what am I supposed to do until then?"

"Uhh...Ryoko?"  Mihoshi whimpered.  "Could you let go of my arm now?  Oww..."

"Prepare for your own match, you should.  Hmm?"  Yoda suggested as he released his hold over Ryoko, who, in turn, released the hapless Mihoshi.

"Yeah," Lina agreed.  "And don't think I'll take it so easy on you next time around!"

"Just bring it Sabrina!"  Ryoko taunted back.  "I'm here to fight and not you or any mutant rain dancer or trumped-up Amazon..._princess_ is gonna stop me!"

"Yes.  Quite powerful you are," Yoda chuckled as he regarded the ruined hallway.  "Quite a mess you have made." 

"Oh right," Ryoko said sheepishly.  "Sorry about that.  Uhh...how's that girl?"

"She's fine," Gourry said.  "A little shaken, but fine."

"And just what is _that_ supposed to mean Gourry?"  Lina teased.

"N-nothing, Lina!"  Gourry stammered.  "I didn't say see has cuter than you or anything...even if it is true."

"FIREBALL!!!"

"Worry you should not.  Taken care of this mess will be," Yoda said.  "Brought here young Masaki and Skywalker will be."

"Fine," Ryoko consented.  "Just one question though."

"Hmm?"

"Who the hell are you anyway?  Kermit the Frog?"

_-_-_-_-_

The Return to Okayama...

"Oh!"  Ayeka sighed in relief.  "Thank goodness Lord Tenchi is alive and well!"

"Better than that, he has won!"  An old man with a long gray hair and a mustache said as he suddenly appeared.  Tenchi's grandfather wore the attire of a Shinto priest, although his true identity is that of Yosho, the eldest child of the Jurai Royal Family.

"That's my boy!" Tenchi's father, Nobayuki, a middle aged Japanese man also with a mustache, cheered.  "He's a hero!"

"Can you believe that old man's really your brother?"  Kiyone asked the purple-haired woman sitting next to her.

"No," The eldest Juraian princess sweatdropped.  "I can't." 

Just then, underneath the household stairwell, a perpetually pre-pubescent pink-haired mad scientist stuck her head out from the doorway of the broom closet turned dimensional portal.

"Hey," Washu called from her lab.  "Who won?"

A small furry creature that looked much like a longhaired rabbit scampered out from Washu's lab and into the living room.

"Tenchi did!"  Sasami said as she reached down to pick up the cabbit and giggled as Ryo-Oh-Ki climbed up her arm to perch herself in between the sky blue pigtails of the little princess. 

"All right!"  Washu cheered, then turned to yell back into her laboratory.  "Dexter my man, looks like you owe me a new flux capacitor!"

"It was great!"  Sasami smiled.  "Tenchi used the Lighthawk Wings and saved them!"

"WHAT?!?"  Washu blanched.  "And I missed it?  What happened?"

"There was a bomb on the space station," Ayeka informed the scientist.  "It exploded but Lord Tenchi was able to save himself and Mr. Skywalker."

"They're fine," Kiyone said.  "But it looks like they can use a pick-up."

"Normally I would," Washu said as she read the info off her shadow laptop.  "But it appears a ship is already en route.  The 'Maltese Falcon' or something like that." 

* * * * *

To Be Continued…


	10. Bra and Panties! Bra and Panties!

In the sanitary confines of the arena infirmary, an unusual crowd of gargoyles and humans stood gathered around the bed containing the still unconscious Angela.  The multi-colored menagerie stood out in great contrast to the pristine white of the rest of the room.

"How is she Dr. Tofu?"  An olive-skinned beauty asked the young medic.  Her long raven tresses framed her beautiful face, but her rather plain mode of dress seemed to both contrast and accentuate her beauty all at the same time.  Blue jeans and a red leather jacket over a plain black T-shirt.  Such is the style of New York Police Detective Elisa Maza.

"Well," A young man with a dark brown ponytail said, examining the unconscious gargoyle beauty through his thick glasses.  "She has several broken ribs, bruises, cuts, a concussion--"

"Never mind that," Elisa said, having heard it all before.  "We she be all right until sunrise?"

The young doctor in dark blue training gi finished his examination and sighed in relief. 

"Yes, Detective Maza," Dr. Ono Tofu replied soothingly.  "She'll be out for the rest of the night, but she'll be one-hundred percent by sunset tomorrow."

"How's that work?"  Hogan pondered, not knowing much about gargoyle lore, and even less about their physiology.

"It's a long story," Brooklyn attempted to explain.

"Gargoyles turn to stone in the day," Dr. Tofu succeeded.  "It serves as their natural rest cycle and heals any injuries suffered the previous night."

"Which is apparently not that long," Brooklyn conceded.

"_Monsters!_" Broadway suddenly snarled, clenching his claws, eyes burning with righteous white fire at seeing his love in such a prone state.  "Why do people still hate us?  Why do they keep doing these things?!?"

"Because they're after something," The brick colored gargoyle second-in-command concluded.  "I don't care what those creeps said.  They targeted Angela for a reason."

"I agree with Brooklyn," Ono said, shaking his head in disgust.  "I hate to say this, but I've seen it all too often.  They're obviously trying to send a message."

"To who?" Broadway demanded.  "And why did it have to be her?"

"Don't worry, Brother," The Hulkster promised.  "We'll find that out and get the Shin nWo for what they've done!"

"Thanks, Hogan," Brooklyn said, then began to contemplate something.  "But what about those mutants with them, Bebop and Rocksteady?  Where'd they come from?  Do you think they're more of Sevarius' work?" 

"I don't know," Elisa admitted.  "We'll have to find that out later.  All we can do right now is watch over Angela."

"I assure you, Detective," Dr. Tofu said.  "All she really needs now is rest.  By the way, does her father know what happened?"

The ground nearly shook beneath their feet as a deafening roar echoed throughout the arena.

"_THEY DID WHAT?!?!?!  RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!_"

"Yeah," Brooklyn sighed.  "I'd say he knows."

* * * * *

"Welcome back to East Meets West!"  Good Ol' J.R. announced.  "For those of you just joining us, you've missed a lot of awesome action!"

"But you can just always flip through the back chapters and read about it," Miss O'Neil suggested.

"What was that April?"  Jim Ross asked.

"Nothing."

"Forget about the past you two," Jerry "The King" Lawler.  "It's time for the Bra and Panties Match!!!  I can't wait!!!"

"Say Dai," Hiroshi pondered while perking up his pale ears.  "Did you hear that weird sound a moment ago?"

"You mean the loud bellow of rage that resonated throughout the entire building?"  Daisuke asked.

"Yeah," Hiroshi clarified.

"Nope."

"Oh," Hiroshi sighed in confusion and began to clean his ears.

"You really didn't hear that?"  Daffy leaned over to discreetly ask the bland commentator.

"Of course I did," Daisuke responded, ignoring Hiroshi's panicked checking of his ears.  "I just like messing with his head."

"Ohhh," The devious duck smirked and nodded in comprehension.  "Nice."

"Puppiespuppiespuppiespuppiespuppies...!"  Jerry "The [Pervert] King" Lawler just chanted in anticipation.

"For those of you who are unfamiliar with the idea of a Bra and Panties Match--" J.R. began.

"I feel sorry for you!"  King laughed.

"The idea," J.R. ignored his partner's interruption.  "Is for two women to enter in normal ring attire, and, during combat, the first woman to strip her opponent down to her unmentionables is the winner!  Besides that, all other rules are out the window!"

Suddenly, a fast-paced dance beat vibed from the stadium speakers.

o/` Go, Go, Go!

All Girls Stand Up and Fight!

Go, Go, Go!

Girls Who Fight For Their Right!

Go, Go, Go!

Women Power Tonight!

Go, Go, Go! 

I Got Great Power Inside! o/`

"This next match is EMW's very first Bra and Panties Match!"  The blond haired announcer of the Tenkaichi Budoukai hyped into his mike.  "Making her way to the ring, at a weight of 133 pounds, from the United States Special Forces, Lt. Sonya Blade!!!"

Sonya Blade's personalized theme, performed by the Lords of Acid, played as the woman with shoulder length blond hair appeared on the stage and started towards the ring. 

"And here's the first lovely lay-day!  Sonya!"

"Hiroshi," Daisuke groaned, tugging on the tuxedo of the man standing on the announce table.  "Sit down."

Her navy green bomber jacket with rolled up sleeves was covered in patches awarded to her in the line of duty.  The jacket was worn over a white tank top that appeared to be a full size too small, much to the delight of the King and many other male (and some female) audience members. 

"This is gonna be GREAT!"  King squealed.  "She's got real nice puppies!"

"Where?"  Hiroshi asked.  "I don't see any dogs."

"She sure ain't no dog, Brother!"  Daffy added.

The other three commentators turned their heads and pretended not to know these idiots.

Skintight dark green spandex pants, black boots with matching fingerless biker gloves and choker completed her hopefully soon-to-be-removed outfit.  The assets of which were made very apparent as she walked up the steel steps to the ring. 

_I can't believe I agreed to this,_ Sonya thought to herself as she climbed into the ring.  _I'm just going to strip this bitch, then I'm out of here and back on Kano's trail._

Despite the circumstances of the match, Sonya stood stoically in the ring and waited for her opponent.

An electric guitar played a traditional Oriental tune and was replaced by the sweet music of a Chinese violin playing over a fast techno-dance beat.

"And here's our second lovely lay--"

"HIROSHI!  GET DOWN!"  All of the commentators yelled as they yanked Hiroshi off the top of the table.

A young Chinese woman in the sleeveless, dark blue spandex bodysuit, a two small yellow stripes running up the sides, walked out from the back and posed for the cheering crowd.  After giving a few high practice kicks, she then began to walk down the ramp to the ring.

"And her opponent," The Announcer continued.  "Weighing in at 'I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill you', hailing from Hong Kong, Interpol agent Chun-Li!!!" 

Chun-Li also wore a sky blue, gold trimmed Psuedo-Oriental vest over the top of the form fitting bodysuit.  Her long, brown hair was tied short into two tight braided buns with yellow silk ribbon that trailed behind her as she walked to the ring.   The silver studded black wristbands and yellow and blue sneakers were minor details of the outfit, overshadowed by more distinguishing features.

"Like those fine ass legs!"  Daffy cheered.  "Woo-hoo!"

(You damn skippy, Duck!)

"Both of you better watch it," April warned.

(Sorry.)

"Yeah, yeah," Daffy idly dismissed his partner's threat.

_I can't believe I agreed to this,_ Chun-Li thought to herself.  _But I had to get in here somehow.  Bison and his Shadowloo cronies are here somewhere and I have a job to do.  I have to win this match quick and find them before something big goes down._

"Ooo!"  King squealed.  "I love this girl already!  She kicks high!"

"I love spandex," Daffy drooled as Chun-Li climbed the steal steps and stepped through the ropes into the ring. 

April just groaned.

"I hope you wore some nice underwear," Sonya confidently laughed.  "Because the whole world is about to see it!"

"Why?  Are you wearing the same thing?"  Came Chun-Li's retort.

"Although I find this whole thing degrading and unnecessary," April complained.  "It's my job to remain here and commentate this match."

"That's very professional of you," Jim Ross said.

"Thank you J.R."

"SHOW ME THE PUPPIES!!!"  King shouted.

[BRA AND PANTIES MATCH]

[CHUN-LI]

[VS.]

[SONYA BLADE]

[*DING!*]

At the sound of the bell, the two formidable female fighters flew into furious action.

Sonya's punch was dodged before she ducked under a roundhouse kick from Chun-Li, to which Sonya replied with a strait kick of her own which was simply blocked.

"Tonight, Sonya Blade is fighting with her usual Tae Kwon Do style of martial arts," Daisuke informed.

"While Chun-Li remains true to her mastery over the art of Chinese Kenpo," April replied.

"Who cares?!?" King asked.

"Yeah!"  Daffy agreed, the yelled into the ring.  "Get to the slapping!"

A punch from Sonya finally got through Chun-Li's defenses, striking the Chinese fighter in the face.  

Chun-Li staggered back for only a moment, she'd suffered a lot worse in the past and was now determined to dish out much better.  

With a battle cry, Chun-Li lashed out with a series of six lightning quick kicks, all connecting with Sonya Blade's head and chest.

During Sonya's dazed moment after the attack, Chun-Li raced forward and grabbed the collar of the green bomber jacket and yanked it down Sonya's arms.  Then, with a twist, Chun-Li pulled Sonya to the mat, at the same time removing and tossing the coat out of the ring in one fluid motion, now revealing all of Sonya's oh-so-tight tank top.

"That's more like it!"  Daffy shouted.

"Chun-Li has removed her opponent's jacket!"  J.R. stated.  "Chun-Li takes the lead following some seriously fast kicks!"

"Yes indeedy!"  Hiroshi cheered.  "Chun-Li is well known for her kicking ability!"

"No wonder," King drooled.  "Look at those legs!  Oooo!  I hope we see some puppies next!"

"Why do you keep calling them that?"  Daisuke asked.

"It keeps the censors off our ass," J.R. answered.

"Oh," Daisuke agreed.  "Gotcha."

"Is that the best you can do?"  Sonya snarled as she got up from the mat. 

"It's better than you've done so far," The still fully clothed Chun-Li smiled and stood in a ready stance, confident in the fact that she'd be ready for Sonya's next attack.

She was wrong.

Sonya threw her right hand forward and shot out a row of green rings of energy directly at her opponent.

The Sonic Rings hit Chun-Li right in the chest, tearing through her silken vest, and not stopping until it shredded the spandex underneath as well.  

"Sonya's Sonic Rings ripped open Chun-Li's top!!!"  Hiroshi yelled as every man in the audience simultaneously leaned forward for a better look and cheered.

"We can see her bra!!!"  King cheered.  "I see skin!  I can see some skin!  Puppies!!!  Woo-Hoo!!!"

"Funny," Daisuke observed.  "Ki attacks, don't normally just tear clothes."

"Are you complaining?"  Daffy asked.

Daisuke looked into the ring and took notice of the color of the newly revealed satin garment; a lovely pastel yellow.

"...Nope," Daisuke replied as a small amount of blood trickled out of his nose.

"Good man.  Here's a Kleenex."

With impressive speed, Sonya moved in and quickly ripped off the remains of her foe's tattered vest.  Then Sonya grabbed the wide hole in Chun-Li's bodysuit and pulled until the spandex rags fell to the woman's sides, fully baring the young Chinese woman's brassiered breasts. 

"I love this job," King said, wiping a tear from his eye.

"If I had to hazard a guess," April said with no small amount of sarcasm.  "I'd say Sonya just took the lead in this chauvinistic display."

"Yup," J.R. answered.  "Trust me April, you'll like some of the other matches a lot better.  We have a ladder match coming up, as well as four huge main events and your friends in a Survivor Series Elimination match!"

"You're right J.R.," April said as her spirits began to rise.  "I think--"

April was interrupted by the loudly cheering and whistling duck sitting next to her waving a dollar bill.

"I think I'll just try to ignore the rest of this match," April grumbled as her spirits crashed and burned.  "Otherwise, someone could get hurt."

"Good plan," J.R. agreed.

Without even bothering to cover herself up, Chun-Li thrust her hands forward and released her own ki blast.

"Kikoken!"  Chun-Li yelled as a massive ball of blue fire shot out at her opponent.  The ki attack blasted Sonya directly in the chest and knocked her into the ropes.   

Chun-Li bolted forward and grabbed the bottom of Sonya Blade's tank top, and gained her revenge by yanking it over Sonya's head and off her arms. 

Now stripped of her top as well, Sonya stood up to fully reveal the white lace support undergarment covering her ample chest.  Sonya immediately snapped into a ready stance, eager to continue the fight.

"Is anybody else thinking of Jell-O Jigglers?"  King asked.  "Mmm-Mm!"

The two shirtless women in the ring then went back to their fight with an outrageous vengeance.  

Chun-Li's three punch combo was simply blocked.  

Sonya went for a right hook, which was ducked under, then leapt over Chun-Li's attempted leg sweep. 

Chun-Li went for a high kick, but when Sonya caught her foot, she flipped backwards and used her other foot to catch Sonya on the chin.

"And Chun-Li gains the upper hand after that impressive exchange of martial arts prowess!"  J.R. said.

"Now go for the pants!"  King hooted.

Before either could carry out The King's wishes, Sonya kissed the palm of her hand and blew the kiss at her opponent.  Instead of a lovely term of affection, however, a lethal ball of fire hurled toward Sonya's target.

Luckily said target, namely Chun-Li, was able to dive out of way just in the nick of time.  Unfortunately, the corner ring post behind her wasn't so luck as it was quickly incinerated by Sonya's Fatality attack.

"Chun-Li barely misses receiving the Kiss of Death from Sonya!!!"  Hiroshi shouted.

"This match is really heating up!"  Daffy punned.

"You just had to say it, didn't you?"  Daisuke asked.

"You bettcha," Daffy proudly proclaimed.

"Oh well," Daisuke conceded.  "Let's just make sure someone gets out here to replace that ring post."

Chun-Li couldn't allow Sonya to repeat her deadly attack, so she leaped forward on her hand and balanced herself upside-down.  A bold move, considering she no longer wore a shirt.

"Spinning Bird Kick!"  Chun-Li yelled as she spun across the ring as a tornado kicking fury.   She managed at least three hits on Sonya, knocking her foe into a ring post on the opposite side of the one charred just moments earlier.

"And Chun-Li has Sonya trapped in a corner!"  J.R. shouted.  "This could be the chance she needs to finish stripping Sonya and win the match!"

"Oh, I hope so J.R.!"  King bounced with joy.

Instead, Chun-Li pressed her attack by delivering a powerful series of lightning fast kicks too numerous to count.

"And Chun-Li uses her most famous kicking maneuver, the Hyakuretsuskyaku, to pummel Sonya in the corner!!!"  Hiroshi shouted.

"Are you sure you pronounced that correctly?" Daisuke asked before a strange sound echoed from the stage speakers.

"Does anybody else hear that melodic tone?"  Hiroshi asked, unsure of his auditory (And mental) faculties.

"Yeah, actually," Daffy pondered.  "What the heck is that?" 

The music then started to play full blast with a drum roll and vocals.

o/` All the Things You Said,

All the Things You Said,

Running Through My Head,

Running Through My Head,

Running Through My Head.

All the Things You Said,

All the Things You Said,

Running Through My Head,

Running Through My Head,

All the Things You Said.

This is Not Enough.

This is Not Enough!!! o/`

"It's 'All the Things She Said' by t.A.T.u.," Daisuke noted.

"But why is it playing?"  Daffy asked.

"BANZAI!!!"  A young woman, with a voluptuous Amazonian build and long blond pigtails, cried as she ran down the entrance to the ramp. 

"_Rainbow Mika?!?"  _Hiroshi shouted when he noticed the wrestling warrior in a bold pink wrestling costume, as oppose to her normal blue.

"Rainbow who?"  Daffy asked.

"Mika," Daisuke answered.  "She's a new fighter on the Street Fighter circuit.  She fights with a professional wrestling style, which would obviously give her a decent advantage in the ring."

Rainbow Mika's odd costume consisted of a pink wrestling unitard stretching from the white frilly laced cuffs at her wrists and neck to just above the kneepads connected to her laced white wrestling boots.  The costume had white-lined holes at the outer part of her upper thighs, waist, elbows, and shoulders, with more white frills at her waist going down both sides.  

"Kinky costume though," King added.  "I like it!  I _really _like hearts!"

By far, the kinkiest part of Mika's costume is the visible white spandex bra, which bared a moderate amount of cleavage, with a pink heart on each breast.  The pink wrestling mask across her upper face completed the kinky ensemble.

"I'll bet you do," April snorted.

"Think she's her to join in the fun?"  Daffy asked hopefully.  

"Ooo!"  King squealed with delight.  "I hope so!"

Instead of granting the wish of every man watching, Rainbow Mika slid into the ring, spread her arms, and immediately plowed down the topless competitors.

"And a double clothesline takes down both Sonya and Chun-Li!"  J.R. yelled in surprise.

"Oh no!"  King yelled in dismay.

As the two official fighters in this match got up, Mika alternated slapping across their bare upper chests several with painful hand chops.  First to Sonya, then Chun-Li and back again.

"And devastating Knife-Edge Chops to both Chun-Li and Sonya Blade," J.R. winched as heard the sickening meaty slaps of each attack.

"Oh!!!"  King whined.  "Don't hurt the puppies!!!"

As Chun-Li turned away, clutching her sore chest, Mika crouched down then leaped backwards, attacking Sonya Blade by plowing into her with muscular buttocks.

"The Flying Peach!"  Hiroshi shouted.  "The Flying Peach takes down Sonya!"

"I like that move," Daffy chuckled.

Rainbow Mika quickly got up and raced forward, wrapping her arms around the back of Chun-Li's neck in a headlock and leaped forward, taking Chun-Li down to the mat at breakneck speed.

"Rainbow Mika's modified bulldog," Daisuke noted.  "The Daydream Headlock, takes down Chun-Li."

"Looks like she's out cold!"  J.R. said as Rainbow Mika left Chun-Li's motionless form on the mat.

As Sonya groggily raised to her feet, Rainbow immediately took notice and ran forward, placing her hands on the mat to do a front flip in front of Sonya and wrap her legs around her target's neck.  

Mika then reversed her flip, pulling Sonya forward and throwing her across the ring and into the burned ring post to the sound of the DQ bell.

"This is horrible!!!"  King shouted as Sonya's unconscious body fell to the mat.  "What is she doing?!?" 

"She's interfering in the match," April smiled.

"Well, stop her!"  Daffy boldly suggested.  "April, how's about you go up there with a can of whip cream, fuzzy little handcuffs, and--"

Daffy soon found his beak ripped from his face and flung sixteen rows into the crowd of rabid fans.  The little black duck quickly leapt over the safety barrier after his missing mouth.

"Well," Daisuke sighed.  "That was...odd."

"Go April!"  Hiroshi cheered.

Jim Ross just laughed.

"Ladies and gentlemen," The Ring Announcer pronounced.  "Due to excessive interference, this match has been declared a No Contest!"

Although this news generated a negative response from the crowd, their reaction did a polar flip when the pretty powerhouse in pink perched on a ring post and motioned for a microphone.

"Power, technique, and beauty!  I've mastered the basics!"  Rainbow Mika proclaimed to the crowd.  "I know what you all wanted to see guys, but I promise you, your desire for sex shall soon be replaced by a need for action!  And you'll get action from the one and only Rainbow Mika!"

"Not likely," King scoffed.

"Well," Daisuke observed.  "This was unexpected, and yet, not very surprising."

Meanwhile, Rainbow Mika still stood on the turnbuckle, basking in her attention from the crowd.  That is, until she looked down at the commentating table and saw something that made her jaw to drop in utter shock.

"Oh my god!  It's really you!"  Mika suddenly gushed, leaping off the turnbuckle and onto the padding in front of the commentating table.

Rainbow reached into her skintight wrestling costume and produced a portrait of the legendary "King of Memphis Wrestling" at his peak.  

"Jerry 'The King' Lawler!  Can I have your autograph?!?"  Mika pleaded, clutching the photo to her breast like a regular teenie-bopper in front of their pop idol. 

"Huh!?!"  King stammered while fighting an anime nosebleed.  "S-sure!"

"Oh thankyouthankyouthankyou!!!"  Mika continued to gush as she placed the photo on the table and handed King a pen.  "I love you so much!  You're my hero!"

"Uh...N-no problem," King said as he quickly signed the picture and handed back to the frantic fighting fangirl.

"I gotta go," Rainbow said as she headed to the back, holding the picture close to her heart.  "But I'll be back!  Nothing can stop the Rainbow!"

Mika cheered and waved to the wild fans all the way to the back, clutching her new autographed swag like a holy treasure.

"So," Daisuke pondered with a satisfied smirk.  "What do you think of Rainbow Mika now, King?"

"She's great!"  King cheered.  "That girl's got real talent!  She's really going places!  But I think Chun-Li and Sonya could use some help.  Maybe a message, or someone to rub salve on their wounds.  I'll be back in a few hours!"

"Yeah," April scoffed, grabbing the King's jacket.  "Right.  Sit down horn dog."

At that time, a rather ruffled Daffy Duck climbed over the audience barricade and sat back in his seat at the commentator's table, his beak now back in its rightful place.  

"Geez!  What happened to you?"  Hiroshi asked the duck in the tattered sports jacket.  "Did you jump in a mosh pit or something?"

"You are _all_ absolutely despicable."

* * * * *


	11. Big Bad Battle Royale!

[SECRET MATCH] 

In the main area of the back, several fighters cogitated and moved through the populated area, but in a far corner, one man was largely ignored (And I mean _large_).  

The man who calls himself the Big Show stood seven feet tall and weighed approximately 500 pounds.  Wearing only a wrestling unitard and black boots gave him the appearance of a massive cave man with a buzz cut and handlebar moustache. 

The barrel-chested Big Show chuckled as he watched a viewing monitor and hoped they'd show just one more instant replay of the previous Bra and Panties Match.  Big Show had been greatly enjoying himself until a meaty hand clapped down on his shoulder.

Big Show turned around to find a man slightly shorter than him, yet no less well muscled.  Indeed, the man looked as if he definitely had more muscles than brains (Or the entire state of Georgia for that matter).  A grizzled beard and mohawk adorned his head while red wrestling trunks, boots, and armbands, lined with yellow adorned the rest of him.

''Are you being the one they are calling 'Big Show'?''  The enormous, hairy, scar-covered man asked in a thick Russian accent.

''Yeah,'' Big Show yawned.  ''What about it?''

''I am Zangief!''  The Russian announced.  ''The Red Cyclone!  The Russian Czar of Wrestling!  And no one is to be a bigger wrestling star!''

''Listen, little fella,'' Big Show condescended.  ''You better settle down before I decide to put you down.''

''Oh-ho!''  Zangief laughed, flexing his enormous arms.  ''You want to get some roughsy-toughsy?''

''No,'' Big Show snapped.  ''I want you to go away.''

''That is being too bad,'' Zangief said before connecting to Big Show's jaw with whopping right hand.  ''I wanting to fight!''

''You--!''  Big Show growled before retaliating with a clothesline.  ''GGGRRRAAAHHHH!!!''

Zangief recovered and charged into the other giant, carrying their substantial mass into a pile of crates.  The crates exploded, but the two colossal combatants continued to fight throughout the backstage.   As the Gargantuan grapplers battled further on, the other fighters did all they could to get out of the way of the titanic tussle.

* * * * *

''What was that all about?''  Daffy asked no one in particular (Which was good, because no one answered).

''This next match is gonna be another one held Off-Site!''  Hiroshi cheered.  ''And not just because these four guys are powerful.''

''Yeah,'' Daffy added.  ''It's also because we don't even want these guys in the building!''

''That's right,'' J. R. agreed.  ''The fighters in this next match are four of the biggest bad guys you'd never want to meet in a dark alley!''

''Definite naughty list types,'' April agreed.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the ring, three maintenance men were busy replacing the charred ring post.

A man with a crew cut and a large potbelly was busy taking the smoldering metal out of its post, failing to notice it sizzle in his grasp.

''Hey!  What's cookin'?''  He asked while sniffing the air, taking a few seconds to realize it was actually him.  ''Owww!!!  Ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-ow-owoo!!!''

''Hey, Numbskull!  Quit clownin' and gimme that ring post!''  The angry man with the dark bowl cut standing at ringside got his wish, only to feel his own hands burning as well before he dropped the heavy ring post... ''Wooooo!!!  Hot-hot-hot-hot-hot!!!''

...Right onto his foot.

''Yahhh!!!''  He yelled while hopping on one foot, holding the injured one in his burned hands.

''Hey!''  A third man with a balding mess of tangled orange hair asked his friend.  ''Are you okay?'' 

''What'da you think?''  The other snapped before slapping him in the face.

''Hopefully we'll have the ring fixed before we need it for the next match,'' Daisuke drawled, watching the idiots on the other side of the ring carelessly injure each other.

''We now take you to deepest, darkest Africa, to a remote location in the Congo for our next exciting match-up!''  J.R. said.

* * * * *

[DR. DOOM]

[VS.]

[M. BISON]

[VS.]

[PROMETHEUS]

[VS.]

[SEPHIROTH]

[*DING!*]

The lush jungle surrounded the crumbling stone temple like a blanket of living green.  Vines crept around the pillars, walls, and pedestals that were long ago abandoned by an ancient and forgotten civilization.

Outside the temple, the sounds of life echoed throughout the dense foliage.  Beautiful birds sang with voices as bright as their colors.  Monkeys called to each other in a silly chattering tone.  Insects buzzed through the air in a busy dance.  But overall, the noises of unseen predators filled the air.  Savage beasts, that ruled a land where the average man rightfully feared to tread, growled and proclaimed dominance over their territory.

In an instant, it all fell silent. 

In the center of the ancient temple, the air itself rippled with power and a single black feather floated to the ground. 

A tall, black-clad figure landed delicately on the stone ground and folded his single black wing behind his right shoulder.

''Sephiroth,'' Daisuke introduced the powerful being.  ''This former SOLDIER commander is a powerful magic user, a military and strategic genius, an excellent fighter, and a master swordsman wielding the impressive Masamune sword.''

''That's right!''  Hiroshi sang.  ''He's a bad mamma-jamma!''

''Suuure he is,'' Daffy sarcastically slurred then turned to April and spun his index finger around the side of his head. 

The long, silver-haired bishounen, wearing an open-chested black leather overcoat with blood red trim, placed his hand on the hilt of his ridiculously long sword and surveyed the battleground.

''I know you are there,'' Sephiroth stated seemingly to no one.  ''Why don't you come out so we may end this farce.''

''My, my, my,'' Another fearsome figure said as he stepped out from behind a stone pillar.  ''Aren't you the drama queen?''

''Who's that freak?'' Daffy asked rudely.

''Prometheus may be a new face on the villain's scene,'' April explained.  ''But he's already made a big waves by, single-handedly, nearly taking out the entire Justice League in their own Watchtower on the moon!''

The man known only as Prometheus wore a black body suit with  brass-colored metal gauntlets, foot guards with large studs, a metal belt, and shoulder armor. He also wore a flashy white cape that draped around his chest and down his back.   In his purple-gloved hands, he held a technological marvel disguised as a heavy nightstick.

But one object stood out even from the rest of Prometheus' outlandish costume.   An odd purple helmet that seemed like a mix between a one worn by a medieval knight and a futuristic football player, with a slitted silver visor over clear blue Plexiglas shielding and sparking electronic exhaust pipes and a multiple variety of lights on each side.

Suddenly an explosion of plasma energy tore through a once mighty stone wall on the far side of the temple clearing drew the attention of the other two fighters.  

''Posture all you wish, Fools,'' A new challenger said as he marched proudly through the dust and debris of the former stonewall.  ''For neither of you shall prove yourselves worthy of fighting DOOM!''

''It isn't--!''  J.R. stammered.  ''It can't be!''

''It is,'' Daisuke said flatly.  ''Victor Von Doom; Evil monarch of the small European nation of Latveria.''

''Dr. Doom is a malevolent dictator with aspirations of total world domination, an ego larger than his dreams, and the brains and power to back it up!''  Hiroshi exclaimed.

Dr. Doom wore his classic powerful suit of faux-medieval silver armor, shrouded by a green hooded tunic and flowing green cape.  A large gold ''D'' adorned the black leather belt around his waist.  He also wore a fearsome metal mask to cover his hideously scarred face.  His piercing blue eyes were the only human thing visible, and even they did not appear very humane.  Although the armor appeared simple, it was laced with some of the most powerful technology and weaponry imaginable.

''Face facts, gentlemen,'' The fourth and final evil fighter said as he dramatically floated down from the sky, his massive arms crossed over his even bigger chest.  ''None of you are a match for my Psycho Power!''

''_BISON!_''  Hiroshi shouted with a rage he wasn't aware he had.

''M. Bison,'' April also stated with some measure of disgust.  ''Head of the terrorist organization, Shadaloo.'' 

''Even I've heard of this guy,'' King admitted.  ''This guy's so evil he ruins lives as a hobby!  He can't rest easy at night unless he knows someone else is miserable.''

The black cape of the Shadaloo boss fluttered around his blood red false military officer uniform as he floated to the ground in front of his enemies.  Bison's cold dead eyes gleamed from under his red officer's cap, almost as bright as his wide false smile.  Metal pads guarded his wrists, shins, feet, and shoulders as the only armor on his uniform.

''Preposterous!''  The armored Monarch of Latveria scoffed.  ''None shall defeat the power of DOOM!''

''How do you do that?''  Prometheus questioned the bad Doctor.

''Do what?''  Doom responded.

''Talk in all capitols like that?''

''Silence, worm!''

''Make me, Mama's Boy!''

''You are not fit to speak of Doom's mother!''

''Enough!''  Sephiroth shouted as he drew his extensive sword and swiped at all three of his foes in one smooth motion.  He missed, and three pieces of cloth fluttered to the ground, colored black, green, and white.

''And the fight officially starts with Sephiroth taking a swipe at all three of his opponents!''  April shouted.

''Too bad he missed,'' Hiroshi drawled.  ''The world could be down three big bad super-bullies.''

With the fight officially underway, the insults and barbs had ended and the real fighting began.  Bison attacked Sephiroth head on, ducking under another swing from Masamune and delivering a devastating uppercut, while Prometheus squared-off with Dr. Doom.

''I want you to know I'm a big fan,'' Prometheus said to the evil despot.  ''But it's still going to be fun kicking your ass!''

''Enjoy your delusions,'' Doom said to the crooked super criminal.  ''You cannot defeat the brilliance of Doom!''

''I'm sure I can think of something,'' Prometheus said as he took a heavy swing at Doom's head with his nightstick.

''Pathetic,'' Scoffed as he grabbed the attacking weapon without even flinching.

''Yes,'' Prometheus smiled.  ''You are.''

Massive amounts of electricity burst from the nightstick a surprised Doom held in his hand and coursed into his armor, instantly rendering him as stiff as a board.  

''Whoa!''  King asked.  ''What happened to Dr. Doom?''

''What'd Prometheus just do?!?''  Daffy shouted.

''Prometheus' power is not his strength,'' Daisuke explained.  ''But his brilliant ability to take advantage of his opponent's weakness.''

''In case you're wondering,'' Prometheus gloated as he yanked his nightstick out of Doom's frozen grip.  ''My nightstick was programmed to release a virus to take control of  your armor and leave you little more than an occupied museum piece.  Who's the genius now, Euro-trash?''

The sounds of battle drew Prometheus' attention skyward, where Bison and Sephiroth were still engaged in combat. 

''Of course,'' Prometheus mentioned casually as Doom unwillingly lifted his hands toward the sky bound fighters.  ''I can always make you do something else to benefit me in this little melee.''

Twin plasma blasts shot from Doom's hands and struck Sephiroth directly in the back.

The unsuspecting Son of Jenova grunted in pain as the sudden sneak attack burned his back and sent him tumbling through the air.  When he regained his balance, he turned to the ground to find Doom's evil glare and smoking hands.

''He did it!''  Prometheus tattled and pointed to the helplessly inanimate despot.

Sephiroth aimed his Masamune and began a power dive toward his grounded attacker.

Prometheus silently slipped a CD into the side of his helmet, which began to whir and spark.  As Sephiroth approached, he swung the Masamune at both of his enemies on the ground.  However, the sword of the One Winged Angel struck only air as Prometheus disappeared in a purple flash, and then was blocked by a light blue barrier surrounding the inert, chanting Dr. Doom. 

M. Bison watched from above as the scene played out before him.  His amused smile remained even after Prometheus reappeared beside him.

''An interesting trick,'' Bison snickered without even moving his head.  ''Considering my preliminary scans showed that you have no actual power.''

''Looks can be deceiving,'' Prometheus quipped.  ''I can do a lot more than just teleport.''

''Indeed?''  Bison pondered.  ''And how much _can _you do?''

''Anything you can do,'' Prometheus smiled as his helmet began to whir and spark once more.  ''I can do better.  PSYCHO CRUSHER!''

Bison lost his wide smile as Prometheus barrel-rolled towards him at blinding speed, glowing with evil purple energy.  Bison merely sidestepped his own move by teleporting backwards.

''Not bad,'' Bison smiled again.  ''But let me show you how it's done.''

''How'd Prometheus do that?!?''  Hiroshi yelled.  ''He doesn't have Psycho Power!!!''

''It looks like it has to do with his helmet,'' April observed.

''Precisely, April,'' Daisuke confirmed.  ''Prometheus' helmet allows him to copy learned powers from other fighters, including martial arts, mental, and magic disciplines.''

''And that's a bad thing, right?'' King asked.

''Yes, Jerry,'' Daffy snarked.  ''I'd say a psychotic supervillain, with a mad-on of for law and order, having the ability to use any magic or martial arts attack all other heroes and villains use would fit nicely _into the BAD THINGS CATAGORY_!!!''

''Just asking,'' King muttered.  ''Geez.''

''That mystic shield cannot save you forever, Doom,'' Sephiroth said as he pelted the protective barrier with several meteorites that suddenly orbited around him.

''It does not have to withstand forever,'' Dr. Doom stated evenly before exploding out from behind his mystic shield and clobbering Sephiroth with an armored right cross.  ''Just long enough for my armor to purge that fool's virus!''

The dark meteors around Sephiroth disappeared and he used the Masamune to quickly block a volley of plasma blasts from Doom.  

The rockets from Dooms armor propelled him forward and right into the One Winged Angel, who retaliated with a fire spell to Doom's face.  

The rocket-powered melee of attacks carried the two combatants skyward, until their fight inevitably interceded with the psycho powered battle between Bison and Prometheus, who gladly welcomed them into the foray.  That is, until Bison had an evil epiphany.

''STOP,'' Bison not so much shouted as suddenly commanded.

The others paused not out of fear or even respect, but merely curiosity.

''What happened?''  Hiroshi asked.  ''What did Bison do?''

''I don't know,'' Jim Ross hushed.  ''But I don't like it.''

''Gentlemen,'' Bison addressed his companions.  ''Why are we fighting like animals, when together we can slaughter the lambs and cattle of the world!  Armies will fall before us!  Cities will burn!  What do you say?''

There was a moment of uneasy silence.  Then…

''Sounds like fun,'' Prometheus said with a twisted smile.

''Yes,'' Doom concurred.  ''Together, we could destroy all opposition (Especially that accursed Richards!), and deal among ourselves later.''

''Agreed,'' Sephiroth said, missing the increasing whistle of a high-speed object breaking the sound barrier.

Prometheus saw only a flash of red and blue before Dr. Doom was suddenly tossed into the distance.  Another primary colored blur carried of M. Bison, and yet another sent Sephiroth hurtling into the foliage below.  

However, Prometheus didn't see anything before he felt it _hammer_ into his face, nearly breaking his jaw.  The blow knocked his helmet from his head, erasing his powers and sending him hurtling to the ground.

Instead of becoming a greasy smear on the jungle floor, the super criminal felt something grab him by the scuff of his cape and slow his rate of descent.

Long before the time the thing let him go, by unceremoniously dropping him the final few feet to the ground, Prometheus knew exactly who hit him.

''Well, well, well.  If it isn't my favorite caped fascist,'' Prometheus sneered, his insane eyes glaring from under wild white hair at the figure that landed gently in front of him.

''You're not getting away this time Prometheus,'' The powerful figure promised.  ''You and your new _friends_ have a lot to answer for.''

The insignia.  The red and yellow pentagonal ''S'' shield.  That's the first clear thing everyone notices.  It's also the sight that created a new meaning for the word ''loud'' as the audience cheered wildly when it appeared on the chest of a man known as one of the greatest heroes in the universe.  

''It's _Superman!!!''_  Hiroshi shouted above the awesome din in response to the image on the arena's giant television screen.  

The blue costume, the red cape, the red underwear worn on the outside.  There was no mistaking the impressive figure of one of the world's most well known superheroes.

''Really?''  Prometheus laughed.  ''I'd like to see you tell_ them_ that.''

''Fine,'' Superman said, using his hyper-senses to determine which would arrive first.  ''I will.''

Superman then turned to greet none other than Dr. Doom as he descended from the sky.

''Doom recalls meeting you before,'' Doom contemplated as the rockets in his boots took him in for a soft landing directly in front of Superman.

''I remember you too,'' Superman replied.  '''Doom,' right?''

''_Dr._ Doom,'' The tyrant corrected.  ''But one day you will call me Lord and Master.''

''Riiight,'' Superman said with a derisive smirk. 

''You doubt the power of DOOM?!?''  The tyrant bellowed.  ''Than DIE!!!''

Von Doom released a cascade of power at the offending hero.  

As the plasma blast struck, Superman stood firm.  In fact, he took a step forward.  Doom increased the flow, but Superman continued to fight forward, step by step.  

''Inconceivable!''  Doom shouted as Superman continued to wade through his powerful attack.  As the Man of Steel drew ever closer, even the evil dictator's armor could no longer withstand the backlash.

Doom ceased his attack when all he could see was the insignia on Superman's chest.

''Very well,'' The evil monarch said, while glaring hatefully at the Man of Steel.  ''Doom has decided to spare you this day, but be warned:  Doom will not be so benevolent next time we meet.''

''You're too kind,'' Superman stated flatly, knowing full well Doom's threat was not to be taken lightly.

Doom growled under his breath as his technology teleported him away in a flash of blue light.

''And Superman takes both Prometheus and Dr. Doom out of the match!''  J.R. shouted.  ''And that's a good--LOOK OUT!!!''

_Good thing he didn't use any magic, _Superman thought to himself.  However, Kal-El's train of thought was soon derailed when a massive force slammed into him from behind.

''PSYCHO CRUSHER!''

''And Bison attacks Superman from behind!''  Hiroshi seethed in disgust.

''And we're supposed to be surprised?''  Daisuke asked sarcastically.

''Ow,'' Superman grunted as he recovered from the sneak attack.  ''Not bad.''

''I can do much more than that,'' Bison bragged.

''I'm here to make sure you don't,'' Superman said flatly.

''Try,'' Bison dared, smiling widely.

''Gladly,'' Superman said as he reached for the twisted terrorist, only to grab a handful of thin air.

''What the--?''  Hiroshi gasped.

''Bison may be harder to catch than Superman thought,'' April said with a hint of worry in her voice.

''A lot harder,'' Daisuke confessed.  ''Besides teleporting, Bison also has mastery over evil psychic powers.  Supes is gonna have to watch out for this one.''

Indeed, at that very moment, Bison has lead Superman back into the sky and weaved in and out of space, moving too fast to follow or simply teleporting, and dodging Superman's grasp.   As the Man of Steel attempted to grab the grinning madman, he found himself clutching the side of his head and struggling to concentrate.

''Fight it all you wish, Superman,'' Bison laughed with a malicious purple gleam in his eyes.  ''It will only make my victory all the sweeter.''

''I...Don't...THINK SO!!!''  The Kryptonian grunted as he barely managed to deflect the mental assault.

''WHAT?!?''  Bison raged as the purple light died in his eyes.  ''HOW?!?''

''Let's just say I've known a few telepaths in my time,'' Superman smirked, breathing heavily from his narrow escape.  _I seriously owe J'onn an extra large pack of Chocos when I get back to the Watchtower._

Superman reached for Bison once again, and again Bison dodged at blinding speed...right into a fist of solid steel.

''You're fast,'' Kal-El said, grabbing Bison by the collar of his uniform and pulling the psycho terrorist up close.  ''But not fast enough.''

Out of the corner of his eye, Superman caught sight of the final one's dangerous advance.  Reacting just in time, Superman dodged the downward strike from Masamune and pushed Bison out of harm's way at the same time.

Superman turned to his new attacker as a purple aura surrounded M. Bison, who disappeared leaving only mocking laughter echoing through the jungle below.

''That was a pretty cheap shot,'' Superman griped, indicating the attacker's disregard for even Bison's life.

''I am above such foolish notions as honor and trust,'' Sephiroth answered flatly.

''Are you above unconditional surrender?''  The Kryptonian returned in the same rather blasé manner.  ''If not, I'd consider it.''

''Laugh while you can, _Hero_,'' Sephiroth said, spitting out the last word like it was fetid meat.  ''I will destroy you and all other insignificant ants who stand in the way of my destiny.''

''You talk way too much,'' The hero smirked and shook his head.  ''Are you going to try to destroy me or not?''

''Very well,'' Sephiroth agreed before sending a volley of blue spheres at Superman, each trailing a luminous tail and violently exploding on impact.

Instantly, the Man of Steel was enveloped in a ball of flame.  The One-Winged Angel wasted no time in pressing his attack and rushed forward, his sword raised to cleave anything still alive in the inferno.

Masamune sunk into the flames and stuck into something solid.  Too solid.  When the flames vanished, Superman stood tall.  He held the long blade of Sephiroth's sword in-between the palms of his hands and looked none the worse for wear (Except that his cape had been burned completely off).  Superman wrenched the sword out of Sephiroth's hands and dropped it into the jungle below, then kicked the villain in the gut, just for good measure.

''You do not know who you are dealing with,'' Sephiroth grimaced and clutched his stomach in dire pain.

''I know exactly who I'm dealing with,'' Superman answered, accentuating each response with a devastating punch.  ''You're an egomaniac...''

*POW!*

''...an arrogant madman...''

*CRACK!*

''...and a murderer!''

*KA-POW!!!*

And the One-Winged Angel fell to Earth.  Hard.

Sephiroth looked up from the ground and found his precious Masamune almost within arm's reach.  He scrambled to reach his sword, but was halted by a beam of red energy from above that scorched the ground between them.

Sephiroth stared up to a sight that could only inspire awe and fear in any lesser being.  

Superman hovered a few feet above him, eyes glowing red like the very essence of anger with a deep scowl to match.

''Go ahead,'' Superman demanded.  ''Pick it up...then leave.  Now.''

Utterly humbled, but refusing to let it show, of course, Sephiroth picked up the Masamune, sheathed it, and slowly stood up.  Sephiroth glowered at the superhero with Mako eyes of pure hatred and malice, but a small smile on his face.

''We will finish this another time,'' Sephiroth stated calmly.

''I'll be waiting,'' Superman replied in the same tone and let his eyes return to their normal hue.

''Well,'' Prometheus said from his resting place not twenty feet away.  ''This party's gotten pretty dull.  Time for last call.''

Superman turned to see the last villain fade away in a flash of white, leaving the Man of Steel standing in a mile-wide, charred and broken jungle clearing that hadn't existed even ten minutes ago.

* * * * *

''SUPERMAN SAVES THE DAY AGAIN!!!''  An overjoyed Hiroshi screamed to the masses.

''After an amazing match, Superman stopped all four Major League villains from joining forces and destroying the world!''  J.R. cheered.

''Didn't Superman actually stop the match,'' Daffy asked.  ''And since when were they going to destroy the world?  That just doesn't make sense!''

''Better than having to deal with all four of those psychos working together to kill us,'' April answered.

'''That's true.''

''We'll be right back.''

* * * * *

The crowd's cheering was just about to die down when the giant screen showed the image of a short, bald man in an orange training gi watching the ending  of the previous match on a monitor in the back.  And that cheering more than doubled when the camera view widened to reveal the taller man in the same style gi with wild spiky black hair.

''Krillin!''  Son Goku said, staring at the screen in awe.  ''Did you see that?  That was _amazing_!''

''Yup,'' Krillin agreed flatly.  ''Well, he is Superman after all.''

''Yeah!''  Goku shouted in joy.  ''And I get to fight him!''

''About that...'' Krillin began. 

''What?''  Goku asked, smiling quizzically at his best friend.  ''You don't think I can beat him?''

 ''N-no!  It's not that!''  Krillin blanched.  ''I know you'll do awesome!  It'll be a great fight!''

''Then what?''  

''It's just that something bad always happens whenever you fight in a tournament or something,'' Krillin said.  ''It's like, the bigger the fight, the bigger the trouble.  And it sure doesn't get any bigger than this.''

''I know,'' Goku agreed with a sly smile.  ''But we always take care of it and come out on top.'' 

''I guess,'' Krillin sighed, ever the pessimist.

''Relax, Krillin,'' Goku laughed and looked at the screen again to see Superman finish taking out the trash.

''OH BOY!!!''  The Saiyan gushed.  ''THIS IS GONNA BE _GREAT!!!_'' 

''I hope you're right,'' Krillin muttered.  ''Or we are going to be in  serious trouble.''

_-_-_-_-_

''I wondered when he'd show up,'' A tall white haired man in a gray business suit said.  

''Supes always comes around to spoil our fun, Dale,'' His twin sister pouted.  ''Why should this time be any different?''

The woman was similarly dressed in a gray business suit.  One trait the twins shared was a wavy cowlick in their white hair, despite their apparent age being in their mid-thirties.

''But this time, Doloris,'' A third man, a dark, caped figure, said cheerfully.  ''His appearance fits right into our plans!  By the way, I love your recent make-over.''

''Thanks,'' The mischievous twins said in unison.  ''We like ourselves better this way too.''

The third figure walked across the dark room, passing a fourth and final person battered and tied to a chair.  The figure's purple Prince Valiant haircut and caped cloak flowed behind him as he walked, tapping his knarled wooden staff topped with a red orb on the floor as he went.

''And I must say,'' The being with a wide smile said as he opened the blinds of the skybox to peer out at the screaming crowd of the EMW arena.  ''This plan is going quite smoothly.  And it's all thanks to our little Access here.''

Axel Asher looked up from his place in the chair,  his face covered in cuts and bruises and his light brown crew cut flaked with dried blood.  His strange costume, a red and blue mix between street cloths and space age armor, was torn and soaked in red, sticky liquid.

''Yeah,'' Dale laughed.  ''Thanks to your lousy gate keeping, we were been able to put together this little shindig.''

''This whole 'Crossover the Multiple Universes' bit is a hoot, ain't it?,'' Doloris said, plopping herself down on the armrest of their captive's chair.

''W-why?''  Access muttered through a mouth full of broken teeth and blood.

''Sore wa, himitsu desu,'' The enigmatic demon answered in Japanese, opening only one eye and waging a disapproving finger at the beaten young man. 

''What does that mean?''  Doloris asked, actually knowing the answer (She's can speak and understand every language in the known universe and beyond after all).

''That...is a secret,'' Dale answered.

''Aww, c'mon!  Tell me what it means!''  Doloris pretended to beg.

''Good one,'' The Trickster Priest lied while as a comical sweat drop hung from his head.

''Thanks,'' Dale said.  ''Language comedy and culture shock are always funny!  Just like reality television!''

''Are you sure we can't interest you in a set of Encyclopedia Universal?''  Doloris asked as she jumped off the armrest to look directly at her captive audience.  ''You can find anything in these!  Anything you want to know about?''

''Screw...you...''  Came Access's strained reply.

''You wish,'' Doloris smiled seductively before slapping Axel in the face. 

''I think that's in there actually,'' Dale said, flipping through one of Encyclopedia Universal's many hefty volumes.  '''Can it', 'Don't panic', 'Make me'...Ah, here it is...''

''Never mind them,'' The purple haired Mazoku disregarded his fifth dimensional partners.  ''We have our own work to do.''

''I'll never help you hurt them or anyone else,'' Access stated bravely.

''Now, now, Mr. Asher,'' Xelloss smiled both cheerfully and malevolently at the same time.  ''You don't really have a choice!''

_-_-_-_-_


	12. Military Secret!

[SECRET MATCH]  
  
"Ten years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum-security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...The A-Team."  
  
This isn't exactly what Col. John "Hannibal" Smith had expected.  
  
When he and his team were hired to stop a company called Extensive Enterprises from demolishing a small Arizona town, he had no idea it would lead to this. In the middle of nowhere, trapped in a citadel with a red hooded snake's head insignia on all the walls, tapestries, and equipment. They were captured by Cobra, with no chance of rescue, and no foreseeable hope of escaping.  
  
Hannibal couldn't be happier. He was on the "Jazz". For an older, white- haired man wearing a red polo shirt under khaki windbreaker jacket, he was certainly in good health, and lived for the rush of a challenge.  
  
The current situation of himself, and the other two public members of his team, was certainly going to be a challenge to escape from. They currently had their hands tied behind their backs, surrounded by heavily armed Cobra Crimson Guards, and being lead down a massive corridor by a pair of identical, and dangerous looking twin men in expensive business suits, to meet with the head of the evil terrorist organization.  
  
"Hannibal," A handsome man, also wearing an expensive business suit, said from his right. "We are in serious trouble here. I trust you have a plan."  
  
"Relax, Face," Hannibal attempted to calm his lieutenant and his team's front/con man, Templeton Peck, A.K.A. "Faceman". "I always have a plan."  
  
It didn't work.  
  
"Wonderful," Face replied sarcastically. "And what, pray tell, would that be?"  
  
"Murdock," Hannibal answered confidently.  
  
"That crazy fool?!?" A large bearded black man with a mohawk, and a literal ton of gold chains hanging from his neck, complained on Hannibal's left. "I ain't gonna fly outta here with that crazy man, Hannibal! You understand me?"  
  
"Of course not, B.A.," Hannibal lied to his Sergeant, Bosco "Bad Attitude" Baracus, the team's mechanic and strongman. "There will be absolutely no flying involved."  
  
"Quiet--" One of the Cobra twins snapped in a British accent.  
  
"Back there," His twin nearly identical twin finished. The only difference between the two was a long scar on the right side of the latter's face.  
  
"Prisoners of Cobra are not--" The first one began.  
  
"Permitted to speak," His brother finished.  
  
"Do you guys always do that?" Hannibal wondered out loud. "Because that kinda thing can get really annoying really fast."  
  
The twins just glared at him and continued to escort them to a set of large doors with the fearsome Cobra insignia imprinted on it.  
  
"We're here," The twins announced in unison.  
  
"Oh boy," Face sighed. "You really got us in it this time Hannibal."  
  
"Yeah," Hannibal smiled. "Ain't it great?"  
  
"Aw man," B.A. groaned. "He's on the 'Jazz' again."  
  
The massive doors opened to reveal a frightening throne room, which included a gigantic stone cobra head throne on an elevated platform, complete with its own insane megalomaniac.  
  
The maniac on the throne stood up as The A-Team was lead into the room. He wore a blue military uniform with a large red Cobra symbol on the front. He also wore a long blue cowl that covered his entire head and face except for his eyes, which reflected nothing but insanity and hatred. Despite his obvious power and insanity, the man still held the bearing of an over- confident used-car salesman.  
  
"Welcome my friends!" He said as he held his arms wide open in a friendly gesture.  
  
Instantly, two more fearsome figures appeared beside the Commander's snakehead throne, both carrying heavy automatic weaponry.  
  
One was a large, muscular man in black body armor with red trim. The noticeable thing about him is that he wore a silver mask that showed the contours of his scowling face. Glowing green stared at the captive A-Team through the eyeholes of the metallic cowl.  
  
"Who's this metal-headed fool?" B.A. whispered to his fellow bound companions.  
  
"He must be the guy called Destro," Hannibal answered. "The Scottish arms dealer from M.A.R.S."  
  
"The Military Armaments Research Syndicate?!? They're the largest manufacturer of state-of-the-art weapons in the world!" Face's face paled at the thought, but lifted when he noticed the other person in the room.  
  
The beautiful woman in skin-tight black body armor held an air of spoiled European aristocracy. The thick glasses she wore did nothing to detract from her beautiful face, framed by raven black hair. Her blood red lips were curled into a scowl similar to the one worn by her lover on the opposite side of the throne.  
  
"So that must be the Baroness Anastasia," Face mused. "Not bad."  
  
"That's funny," Hannibal smirked. "I didn't think that 'psycho-bitch' was your type, Face."  
  
"SILENCE!" Destro bellowed and aimed his rifle at the still smirking Hannibal.  
  
"Now, now Destro," Cobra Commander chuckled. "That's no way to treat our guests." He nodded and the twins guarding them cut Face and Hannibal loose.  
  
"I trust Xamot and Tomax treated you well," Cobra Commander said.  
  
"Yeah," Hannibal said as he and Face rubbed their wrists. "They gave us the five cent tour."  
  
"Excellent," The Commander hissed. "So, I finally have the honor of meeting the illustrious A-Team."  
  
"Well, isn't that nice?" Hannibal smiled. "And we finally get the change to spit in Cobra Commander's rag-covered face."  
  
Cobra Commander's mood instantly darkened.  
  
"I would suggest," The terrorist leader hissed in a threatening tone, trying hard not to lose his cool. "That you adopt a more civil tongue. Especially to your new employer!"  
  
"I beg your pardon?"  
  
"Colonel Smith," The Commander attempted to sound charming...and failed. "For years the United States military has pursued you, hunted you, for a crime you supposedly committed a long time ago, far away, in another country. I, for one, truly see this as unfair treatment of your fine skills. Yet you endured, and became one of the most well known mercenary groups in the world. What I'm offering you, and your men, is a very high position in our fine organization. A chance to stop running. A chance to become the hunters, instead of the hunted. A change for revenge against the criminal government that has wronged you so. What do you say?"  
  
"We ain't gonna work for you, Rag-Headed Foo'!!!" B.A. shouted, straining against his bonds.  
  
One of the Crimson Guards cracked him across the face with the butt of his rifle to absolutely no affect.  
  
"Uhh..." The unnerved guard stuttered as he backed away.  
  
B.A. just growled.  
  
"I think what B.A. is trying to say, you curtain-faced slime ball," Hannibal stated calmly. "Is that, not only do we have high fees, but very high standards as well. We'd rather work for sea-monkeys than scum like you."  
  
"WHAT?!?" Cobra Commander screamed as he leapt out of the throne. "How dare you! You shall all die in the most painful way I can think of for your insolence!!!"'  
  
"No, I don't see that happening either," Hannibal smiled.  
  
"Oh?" Cobra Commander sneered. "Really? And why, prey tell, is that?"  
  
"You aren't going to kill us," Col. Smith started. "But we are going to get loose, destroy this building, capture all your men, and help to bring down your worldwide terrorist organization. Any questions?"  
  
"I find that hard to believe, Col. Smith," Destro's intimidating voice boomed. "When we are the ones holding the guns trained at your heads."  
  
"Yes," Big C hissed. "How do you plan on accomplishing this rather impossible task?"  
  
"Yeah Hannibal," Face asked. "What is your plan?"  
  
"Simple," The A-Team's bold leader stated. "All we need is a diversion."  
  
*KA-BOOOM!!!*  
  
_-_-_-_-_  
  
Earlier, in a secluded part of the Cobra base, a strange man waited in a strange place with a strange purpose.  
  
A figure peaked is head out of the women's locker room and snuck out quietly into the hallway.  
  
The figure clung to the walls of the corridor as he carefully made his was to the Cobra armory.  
  
"I am invisible. I blend in perfectly with my surroundings," The A-Team's secret member, H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock, repeated to himself. "My technique is flawless. I am like a tiger on the prowl. I am...'Ninja Murdock'."  
  
The certified lunatic said this despite the fact the only visible thing remotely "ninja" about his dress was the green "Ninja Turtles" T-Shirt he wore underneath his dusty brown leather bomber jacket. He also wore a red bandana on his forehead with the kanji symbol for "distraction", but it was covered by a tattered navy blue baseball cap.  
  
Although his pair of old sneakers made little sound as he stalked the corridors, the rest of his casual attire killed any plausible chance he had of melding into the shadows.  
  
Oddly enough, he still had yet to be spotted by any of the Cobra guards.  
  
Murdock had easily breezed through every security measure Cobra had to offer and passed right by every group of guards he encountered.  
  
Either there are advantages to being crazy, or Cobra's security really, REALLY sucks.  
  
"It's a toss-up really."  
  
(Don't talk to the readers Murdock.)  
  
"Oh, right. Sorry."  
  
(It's all right. Carry on.)  
  
"Ninja Murdock is like a shadow," He whispered to himself as he approached the blue uniformed guards of the Cobra armory. "I cannot be caught."  
  
"Hey you!" One of the guards shouted at him. "Stop right there!"  
  
"Uh oh!"  
  
Instead of using their guns, the guards attempted to grab Murdock, but he was prepared.  
  
"HIYAAA!!!" The howling mad "ninja" shouted as he delivered a normal punch to the first guard's unprotected face.  
  
Before the other guard could take action, Murdock kicked him in the stomach and knocked him out with and uppercut.  
  
"You were worthy opponents," H.M. bowed to the unconscious guards. "But today I, Ninja Murdock, was victorious. Sayonara."  
  
With that, Murdock ducked into the armory and walked to a console on the side of the room.  
  
He failed to notice the white clad figure hiding in the pipes above him until it dropped down directly in his path.  
  
The standard white ninja uniform the man wore covered all but his arms and eyes. The only colors that stood out were the red Cobra insignias on his forehead and chest and the ornate golden handles of the katana swords strapped to his back.  
  
"Ah! A fellow ninja," Murdock said as he bowed again. "Konichiwa."  
  
"Greetings," Snarled the Cobra assassin. He didn't bow. "I am Storm Shadow, and you are no ninja."  
  
"Really?" Murdock whined in protest. "But I got the bandana and T-Shirt and everything!"  
  
"You are not a ninja," Storm Shadow stated flatly while pulling out his katana. "But I will gladly show you the true art."  
  
Before Storm Shadow's katana could strike the hapless Murdock down, a small flash of silver flew through the armory door and hit Storm Shadow's katana giving him pause. The throwing star was quickly followed by another true ninja. This one was completely covered in black, including a visor over his eyes and stood ready before the Cobra ninja with a katana of his own.  
  
"YOU?!?" Was all Storm Shadow shouted before he and the black clad ninja began an amazing duel of martial arts skill and swordplay.  
  
"Hey, you guys are pretty good!" Murdock said as he watch the two ninjas go at it. As he watched, he slowly began to back towards the console on the wall. "Hmm, I wonder what this button does."  
  
*KA-BOOOM!!!*  
  
_-_-_-_-_  
  
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!?" Cobra Commander shouted after the shockwave knocked his out of this throne.  
  
"The armory has exploded!" Destro answered while checking a console on the wall. "The whole complex is going up! We must evacuate!"  
  
"What, again?" The Baroness asked in a saucy Eastern European accent. "Honestly, Commander. Can't you afford better structural integrity for Cobra's bases?"  
  
"Oh, shut up!" The Commander snapped.  
  
"NOW!" Col. Smith shouted as he lashed out and punched one of the Cobra guards and took his gun.  
  
Faceman wasted no time in doing the same.  
  
B.A. flexed his muscles and snapped the bonds behind his back. He grabbed the two Cobra twins by their collars and cracked their heads together. Before they even hit the floor, he had another guard by the throat. He lifted the hapless guard up over his head and threw him into the remaining gaggle of Cobra troopers.  
  
"KILL THEM!!!" Cobra Commander screeched as B.A. retrieved a laser rifle from the fallen guards and the three members of the Cobra hierarchy quickly opened fire.  
  
The A-Team survived the barrage by separating and taking cover behind the large stone pillars of the throne room.  
  
"We're going to need some heavy cover B.A.!" Hannibal suggested from across the room.  
  
"You got it, Hannibal!" B.A. Baracus said as he dug his hands into a nearby security console and ripped it out of the wall. He lifted the impressive device over his head and carried it into the line of fire.  
  
"Wow," Cobra Commander blanched under his mask. "He's helluva strong!"  
  
"Rraaahhhh!" B.A. grunted as he tossed the console at the Cobra high command.  
  
However, as the huge console reached the apex of its flight, it exploded in mid-air. A burning pile of scrap and shrapnel fell harmlessly to the ground in front of the steps to the Cobra throne.  
  
Destro lowered his arm and smiled, one of the small red rockets was now noticeably missing from his wrist gauntlet.  
  
"Chrome Dome has a wrist mounted rocket launcher!" Hannibal shouted.  
  
"Great," Face groaned. "What do we do now?"  
  
"Relax Face," Hannibal suggested. "We still have a wild card."  
  
"'Wild' is right," B.A. angrily agreed.  
  
"We have the high ground. We have better firepower. We have the advantage," Destro stated. "Press the attack and they shall fall! COBRA!!!"  
  
"Who cares?!?" His impatient leader hissed. "Just waste them!"  
  
Destro readied his wrist rockets, but paused when a low rumble shook the room.  
  
The wall behind the throne exploded when a massive black HISS tank busted through, sending the three Cobra members falling to the ground in a shower of rubble.  
  
The cockpit of the Cobra vehicle opened to reveal none other than Murdock with a laser rifle of his own, which he quickly trained on the vulnerable Cobra Commander.  
  
"Like the wind, Ninja Murdock enters the fight swiftly and silently," He narrated. "Now kindly get your scaly butts up and put your hands on your heads."  
  
"You call that 'silently', Crazy Fool?" B.A. snapped as he and the rest of the team came out and took the snakes hostage.  
  
"Nice Murdock," Hannibal smiled. "Nice."  
  
"Arigato, Colonel-san," Murdock said as the Cobra leaders followed his command.  
  
"Very nice," Face agreed, taking in the image of the Baroness with her hands on her head.  
  
"Bite me," Baroness said with utter contempt.  
  
"Kinky," Face smiled. "But not my style. I'm more of the wine-and-dine type."  
  
Murdock leaped down from the tank and walked over to complete the A-Team.  
  
"What're you going to do now?" Cobra Commander asked in a smug tone. "Wait here for G.I. Joe? They'll arrest you too!"  
  
"At least you and your sleazy pals will be put away for a good long time," Hannibal said with pride. "Besides, you're underestimating our innate ability to get out of these sort of situations."  
  
"Then that's something we have in common," Cobra Commander hissed.  
  
The top snake stomped on a headstone at his feet, and a trap door swallowed the three terrorist leaders.  
  
The A-Team rushed forward, but found that the Cobra leaders had disappeared into the shadows.  
  
"THIS ISN'T OVER, SMITH!!!" The Commander's voice echoed from the darkness.  
  
"It's not," Hannibal quietly promised. "Not by a long shot."  
  
"Those freak twins have split too, Hannibal," B.A. said when he found Xamot and Tomax missing from the pile of Crimson Guardsmen on the floor.  
  
A violent tremor shook the throne room.  
  
"It's eleven o' clock guys!" Hannibal crowed. "Time to check out!"  
  
"Can we take the towels?" Murdock asked as the A-Team fled the collapsing throne room.  
  
"Crazy fool!" B.A. yelled at Murdock as they raced down the massive decorative hallway. "This ain't no time for jokes! You bringin' down the whole building!"  
  
"B.A.-chan," Murdock shook his head in disappointment. "You just do not understand the ways of the ninja."  
  
"I understand you ain't no ninja!" The sergeant snapped back. "Just a crazy man!"  
  
"Oh well," Faceman sighed as he and the team ran out the front door. "It just wouldn't be an A-Team mission without massive property damage."  
  
"Yeah," Hannibal sighed as he placed an expensive cigar in his mouth. "Don't you just love this job?"  
  
The sounds of explosions and the collapsing building behind them was soon accompanied by the sound of approaching vehicles in front of them.  
  
A massive green helicopter rose above the canopy of the surrounding trees, the white lettered logo of "G.I. Joe" clearly painted on the side.  
  
*"Attention Cobra soldiers!"* A proud male voice came from the helicopter's loudspeaker. *"Drop your weapons and put your hands on your heads! You are under arrest!"*  
  
When Joe tanks plowed through the trees and into the clearing, the Cobra soldiers quickly followed their given order and surrendered.  
  
"It's about time they got here," Face smiled. "Well, it's time to go. Right, Hannibal?"  
  
*"That goes for you too, A-Team!"*  
  
Col. John Smith threw down his weapon and put his hands on his head.  
  
"Aw nuts!"  
  
The rest of the A-Team followed their leader's example and soon dozens of highly trained, oddly dressed, U.S. military soldiers had them surrounded.  
  
"So this is the infamous A-Team," One of the soldiers, most likely the field commander, said with a confidant smile. Hannibal could tell right away that liked this guy's style. The man wore beige military issue fatigues and a green flank jacket with a blond buzz cut. "And you must be Colonel John 'Hannibal' Smith."  
  
"And you must be U.S. Agent Conrad 'Duke' Hauser," Hannibal answered. "Looks like we both did our homework."  
  
"Looks like," Duke said. "Where's Snake-Eyes?"  
  
"Who?" Face asked, not knowing they were followed by a Joe agent through the entire ordeal.  
  
"I think I know," Murdock spoke up. "I last saw my fellow ninja when he was fighting another ninja all dressed in white."  
  
"Storm Shadow?" An attractive female Joe with short red hair asked (Codename: Scarlett).  
  
"That's the guy," He answered. "But when the fireworks started to go off I kinda lost track. Sorry."  
  
Behind them, another explosion rocked the area, and the group of military heroes turned to see a towering inferno consume the remains of the former Cobra base.  
  
"Looks pretty bad for your guy," B.A. apologized.  
  
"You don't know Snake-Eyes," Scarlett responded confidently.  
  
"Look!" Someone shouted and pointed into the fire.  
  
Sure enough, everyone turned to see the black clad Joe ninja came trudging out of the flames.  
  
Although his mask and metal visor covered his expressions, his slightly slumped posture and slow movements revealed that he was injured.  
  
Much to the Joe's surprise, the A-Team totally ignored their status as prisoners and raced forward along with them to help the battered Joe ninja.  
  
Even more surprising, Snake-Eyes wordlessly refused help until Murdock arrived in front of him.  
  
"I-I'm sorry-," Murdock began, but was silenced when the ninja held up his hand.  
  
In a show of respect for a fellow warrior, Snake-Eyes placed his right fist into the flat palm of his left hand and bowed to the schizophrenic A-Team member.  
  
Murdock smiled with pride and returned the display of respect and then put the ninja's arm over his shoulder until Scarlett arrived and took him from there.  
  
"Thank you," She said and lead Snake-Eyes to a medical team.  
  
"Get your hands back up," Another Joe in a brown leather jacket commanded, his dark hair mostly covered by a black beret. "You're still under arrest."  
  
The A-Team again placed their hands on their heads at gunpoint.  
  
"What do you think Duke?" The dark haired soldier asked. "They're definitely not the heartless mercenaries that the government wanted us to believe them to be."  
  
"I don't know, Flint," The blond-haired man responded. "I'm going to contact General Hawk."  
  
"Tell Clayton I said 'Hi'," Hannibal smirked, his cigar still clenched between his teeth.  
  
Duke smiled as he entered the helicopter in order to radio his superior back at G.I. Joe headquarters, The Pit.  
  
_-_-_-_-_  
  
Secrets. We all have them. And no member of the G.I. Joe task force has more secrets than Agent "Duke" Hauser.  
  
As a top secret agent for an unknown U.S. agency, he knows the truth behind the conspiracy surrounding the A-Team. Here's a hint: They're innocent.  
  
Still, he is only authorized to reveal that information to very few people. One of those select few being the commanding officer of G.I. Joe, General Clayton "Tomahawk" Abernathy.  
  
After a short, confirming call to General Hawk, Duke was ready to implement their plan.  
  
_-_-_-_-_  
  
Duke exited the helicopter to find the G.I. Joe team casually chatting with the dangerous "military criminals".  
  
"It's nice to see you're getting along," Duke snapped. "Colonel Smith, Lieutenant Peck, Sergeant Baracus, Captain Murdock, you are hereby placed under arrest for robbing the First National Bank of Hanoi, escaping from a military prison, resisting arrest, destruction of private and public property, owning and operating illegal weaponry, suspicion of instigating international incidents, continuous vigilantism, and many other violations too numerous to mention."  
  
Wild Bill, the Joe helicopter pilot with sunglasses, a bushy moustache, and cowboy hat, whistled in amazement.  
  
"You're all going to be put away for a very long time," Duke continued.  
  
"Oh well," Hannibal shrugged. "Had to happen sometime."  
  
Face rolled his eyes and groaned in dismay.  
  
"Or you can join G.I. Joe."  
  
"WHAT?!?" The A-Team shouted  
  
"WHAT?!?" G.I. Joe shouted.  
  
"Okay," Hannibal calmly accepted. "Attention, men!"  
  
The A-Team quickly stood at attention and snapped off a quick salute.  
  
"We are being reassigned to the G.I. Joe Task Force," Col. Smith said in a stern military tone. "Are there any questions?"  
  
"I have one," Murdock timidly raised his hand.  
  
"Yes, Captain?"  
  
"What about my currently questionable mental state?"  
  
"Are you kidding?" Beach Head, a Joe wearing a black flank jacket and green ski mask said in a gruff voice. "Half the guys here are just as nuts as you are (If you ask me, they all are)."  
  
"It's almost a requirement," Flint chuckled.  
  
"Perfect," Hannibal stated. "We're in."  
  
"Great," Duke said and extended his hand. "General Hawk is looking forward to seeing you again."  
  
"So am I," Hannibal said shaking his new field commander's hand. "He still owes me for that bar tab."  
  
"Wild Bill," Duke said to the Joe in the cowboy hat. "Give our new recruits a ride to the Pit."  
  
"Well shoot," Wild Bill said in a thick southern accent. "Why don't you boys hop in the chopper and I'll give you a lift back to the homestead."  
  
"Can I sit in the cockpit?" Murdock asked.  
  
"THE 'Howlin' Mad' Murdock?" Wild Bill smiled. "You bet your britches you can!"  
  
"YEE-HAW!" Murdock shouted, hugging B.A. around the shoulders. "Hear that big guy?"  
  
"Ain't no way I'm getting on that thing!" B.A. yelled in anger. "I don't fly! No way! Not with those crazies in the cockpit!"  
  
Face took this opportunity to approach the red-haired Scarlett. Taking note of her skin-tight yellow and gray uniform, which appeared to him as a cross between the uniforms of a military soldier and a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader.  
  
"So," Face swooned. "I guess we'll be working together. Hopefully, very closely together."  
  
"Sorry, but I'm engaged," Scarlett smiled, pointing to the bandaged, yet standing Snake-Eyes. "To him."  
  
Templeton Peck noticed as Snake-Eyes placed a hand on the hilt of his katana.  
  
"Wonderful," Face smiled sarcastically. "Yo Joe."  
  
B.A. and Murdock snickered at seeing the Faceman get shot down.  
  
"What're you two laughing at?"  
  
Hannibal just smiled and lit his trademark cigar.  
  
"I love it when a plan comes together!"  
  
"G.I. Joe is the code name for America's daring highly trained special mission force. Its purpose? To defend human freedom against Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world."  
  
...And now it has four new members.  
  
Yo Joe!  
  
* * * * * 


	13. Talisman Ladder Match!

"What am I doing here?" Jackie Chan pondered as he wondered through the halls of the massive arena. An archaeologist in khaki slacks and a blue sweatshirt, like himself, had little business being among the superheroes and fighters gathered here tonight. Of course, he does have some mad skillz himself.  
  
"Hey Jackie!"  
  
"BWAA!" Unfortunately, keeping track of his niece, Jade, was not one of them.  
  
"Jade," Jackie scolded the little girl in the orange hooded sweatshirt...again. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I'm here to cheer you on in you match," Jade responded cheerfully. "Good luck!"  
  
"Well-WHAT?!? My match?" Jackie questioned his niece, more confused than before. "What match? I don't have a match! I don't want to have a match!"  
  
"Duh," Jade corrected her uncle. "You're fighting in a Ladder Match against Rob...Van...Dam." Jade even mimicked RVD's "thumb pointing" while she said his name. It was cute.  
  
"That's crazy, Jade," Jackie dismissed the idea. "You're crazy!"  
  
He didn't see the old Chinese man's fingers headed or his forehead until it was too late. *THWACK!!!*  
  
"Oww!"  
  
"Jackie!!!" The old man's shrill voice rang throughout the hallway. "You must fight tonight! You must climb the ladder and retrieve the talismans! Their magic must not fall into the wrong hands!"  
  
"Uncle," Jackie began only moments before Uncle's words caught up with him. "The Talismans?!? Why are the talismans here? Since when?"  
  
"That does not matter," Uncle answered. "Jackie! You must fight!...And advertise 'Uncle's Antique Shop'! Is good for business!"  
  
"But Uncle...," Jackie Chan continued to object, but as suddenly as he found out about his match, he gave in. "Okay. When is the match?"  
  
"In about...five minutes," Jade answered Jackie as Uncle grabbed his arm and dragged him out to the ring.  
  
"Wha-?" Chan started to object as he was dragged towards the ring.  
  
"Good luck!" Jade waved happily.  
  
* * * * *  
  
"You heard right folks," Hiroshi excitedly announced. "Jackie Chan and RVD! In a Ladder Match!" Hiroshi also did RVD's "thumb pointing" taunt. "Two amazing martial artists going head-to-head, fist-to-fist, and up the ladder!"  
  
"Calm yourself, Hiroshi," Daisuke said without even looking up from his Game Boy Advance.  
  
"And the prize is the twelve magic Chinese talismans," J.R. added. "Only the talismans are hanging high above the ring and our competitors will have to climb a fifteen foot ladder in order to get to them, but first, they have to get the ladder into the ring, while avoiding the other fighter."  
  
Just as J.R. had said, the talismans were in a steel lined attaché case hanging high above the center of the ring. The fifteen-foot wooden ladder, painted black, was sitting just outside the ring, awaiting the impending battle.  
  
"This is gonna be great J.R!" King chimed in, as always, looking forward to the carnage that awaits. "What do you think Daisuke?"  
  
"Huh?" Daisuke finally looked up from his video game when he heard his name. "Oh yeah, great. Whatever."  
  
"Anyway," Daffy began. "Although I hate to interrupt this dazzling intellectual conversation, MY partner is waiting to interview two members of tonight's tag team main event, Ranma Saotome and The Rock! Take it away, Toots!"  
  
* * * * *  
  
''Thanks Daffy,'' April said into her microphone. ''But call me 'Toots' again and I'll rip of your beak off and stick it where the sun don't shine.''  
  
Daffy's audible gulp could be heard even over the roar of the crowd's laughter.  
  
''I am here with budding Hollywood celebrity and WWE superstar, The Rock!'' April said indicating the large, tan skinned man in black windbreaker pants and self-styled T-shirt (The crowd's reaction was indicated as stellar by scientists watching on PPV).  
  
The Rock stared at the camera from behind dark sunglasses, underneath short black hair with sharp sideburns, and an arrogant smirk a he snatched the microphone from April's hand.  
  
''Thanks Jabronette,'' The Rock began. ''But The Rock's done enough of these interviews to know what you're gonna say, 'How does The Rock feel about teaming up with Ranma Saotome to fight Ryoga and Stone Cold Steve Austin?' Is that right?''  
  
The Rock held the microphone out to April and pulled it away before she could answer.  
  
''Of course it's right,'' He continued. ''You want to know how The Rock feels? The Rock will tell you how he feels! The Rock feels good, baby! The Rock feels great! The Rock can't wait for his match! What about Stone Cold? The Rock has beaten Stone Cold in the middle of that ring, 1-2-3,and The Rock will do it again! As for Ryoga Hibiki, The Rock has nothing against Ryoga. In fact, The Rock wrote a little nursery rhyme for Ryoga. It goes a little something like this: This little piggy went to market, This little piggy stayed home, This little piggy whupped your ass, This little piggy whupped it too, And this little piggy got doused with hot water, turned into a dim-witted, too-strong-for-his-own-good lost boy, and got his ass whupped...BY THE ROCK!''  
  
''Well,'' April said, having gotten a new microphone. ''That was...interesting. Anyway, Ranma Saotome, what about you? What do you think about tonight's match-up?''  
  
The young martial artist standing next to The Rock, looked rightfully annoyed that he had been ignored for so long. However, the young man with black hair tied back in a short pig-tailed braid answered April's query.  
  
''I fought Ryoga plenty a times,'' Ranma said. ''He can be a little tough sometimes, but--''  
  
''Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, WHOA! You don't interrupt The Rock!'' The Rock interrupted. ''You never interrupt The Rock! And who in the Blue Hell is Ranma Saotome?!?''  
  
''I'm Ran--''  
  
''IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO RANMA SAOTOME IS!!!'' ''Listen, Rockhead!'' Ranma snapped. ''If you wanna start somethin--''  
  
''Ranma, Ranma,'' The Rock calmly addressed. ''The Rock's just playin', Baby. Relax. In fact, The Rock has a little question for you?''  
  
''Yeah?'' Ranma asked cautiously. ''What?''  
  
''Ranma Saotome,'' The Rock asked. ''Do you like...pie?''  
  
''Huh?'' Saotome pondered the question for a second. ''Uhh...Yeah, I guess I like to eat pie.''  
  
''Yeah,'' Rock laughed. ''The Rock bets you do! So that's why you got all those chicks and fiancés chasin' you!''  
  
''Wait a second!'' Ranma shouted. ''What does that have to do with eating pie?''  
  
''RANMA YOU JERK!!!'' A female voice screeched moments before a large mallet impacted with the martial artist's head.  
  
''A-Akane...?'' Ranma groaned weakly from his space on the floor.  
  
Akane Tendo, a girl with short black hair wearing her school uniform of a light blue apron dress over white blouse, stood over the bludgeoned boy holding her mallet over her shoulder.  
  
''It's bad enough you're a pervert at home,'' Akane angrily accused. ''But on international television?!? That's low even for you!''  
  
''Who's a pervert?!?''' Ranma yelled back as he got up and confronted his attacker/fiancé. ''And why are you worryin' about perverts for anyway, ya uncute tomboy?!?''  
  
'''Uncute'?!?'' Akane screamed. ''I come with you all the way here to help you and this is the thanks I get?''  
  
''What about Ryoga?'' Ranma asked incredulously.  
  
''What about Ryoga?'' Akane snapped back.  
  
April and The Rock simply stood back and watched as the two continued to bicker and fight.  
  
Finally, he Rock turned to the camera.  
  
''The Rock guesses there's just one more thing to do,'' He said dramatically. ''There's only one thing the millions...AND THE MILLIONS of The Rock's fans need to know. The Rock'll go out there and whip both Stone Cold and Pig Boy's candy-asses, with or without a partner! IF YA SMELLLLL...WHAT THE ROCK...IS COOKIN'!!!''  
  
* * * * *  
  
''Looks like The Rock is all fired up!'' J.R. shouted.  
  
''And Ranma is flat on the floor,'' Daisuke sighed. ''...Again.''  
  
''That's right!'' Hiroshi cheered. ''He's ready to get down and dirty against all comers! Just try to keep Ranma down!''  
  
''You just don't get it,'' Daffy shook his head in pity.  
  
''The following match-up is the Magic Talisman Ladder Match!'' The Announcer suddenly told the waiting crowd.  
  
The sound of a descending guitar rift resonated through the arena as the crowd's attention turned to the entranceway.  
  
''ONE OF A KIND!''  
  
Smokey pyro exploded from the stage and both the music and fans began to rock as the fighter began to accompany his theme, "One of a Kind" by Breaking Point, to the ring.  
  
o/` The Fear I See When I Look In Your Eyes, Makes You Believe I'm One of a Kind! The Fear You Feel In the Back of Your Mind, Makes You Believe I'm...ONE OF A KIND! o/`  
  
''First, making his way to the ring, from Battle Creek, Michigan, weighing in at 275 pounds...''  
  
The man paused mid-stride in order to use his thumbs to point to himself in time with his name.  
  
''ROB...VAN...DAM!''  
  
Although he had the appearance of a surfer, with rugged good looks and dusty blond hair tied back in a loose ponytail, with a laid-back attitude to match, RVD's true self appeared in his wrestling attire. The modified wrestling singlet was adorned with a storm of black, white, grays and purple and depicted a tiger and Chinese dragon battling over a Yin Yang symbol.  
  
The martial artist of balance and peace leapt into the ring and deftly twirled to acknowledge his cheering fans and face the entrance to wait for his opponent.  
  
A fast-paced Chinese hip-hop beat played as Jackie Chan entered the arena and made his way down the ramp. As he walked, Chan smiled meekly and made a nervous wave to the crowd.  
  
''And his opponent, from San Francisco, adventurer/archeologist, Jackie Chan!''  
  
''Funny,'' Daisuke said. ''You don't see many guys get into the ring in a sweatshirt and khaki pants.''  
  
''Whatever,'' Daffy dismissed. ''As long as he's comfortable.''  
  
''He doesn't look very comfortable,'' Daisuke observed as Chan timidly stepped through the ropes and into the ring.  
  
''Mr. Van Dam,'' Jackie tried to explain as soon as he entered the ring. ''You don't understand! These talismans are very dangerous! They are magic! We should not fight for them!''  
  
''Sorry, man,'' RVD stated coolly. ''But this is a combat sport. If you want them you are gonna have to fight for them.''  
  
''But I already did fight for them!'' Chan complained. ''...A lot!''  
  
''So what's one more time gonna hurt?'' Rob Van Dam reasoned, slipping into a fighting stance.  
  
[TALISMAN LADDER MATCH] [JACKIE CHAN] [VS.] [ROB VAN DAM] [*DING!*]  
  
As soon as he heard the bell, Chan leapt from the ring to the ladder outside, and scrambled to the top. The twelve talismans of the Chinese zodiac inside, belonging to an ancient demon sorcerer, were too dangerous to fall into the wrong hands.  
  
''And Chan immediately goes for the ladder!'' J.R. shouted as Jackie prepared to make a jump for the case hanging high above the ring.  
  
''Does that even count?'' King wondered, thinking of how many elements of a traditional ladder match Chan was bypassing.  
  
Not knowing if that would count, but fearing that it could, RVD reached outside the ring and pushed the ladder, toppling it over.  
  
Instead of falling with the ladder, Chan fell back to the ring and landed perfectly balanced on the ropes.  
  
''Wow!'' Hiroshi cheered. ''Now that's impressive!''  
  
''Or at least it would be,'' Daffy sarcastically quipped. ''If he was actually balanced!''  
  
(Okay, so not that perfectly balanced).  
  
Jackie's arms flailed about as he tried to stand up strait on the top rope. RVD wasted no time in trying to knock Chan's legs out from under him with a high sweeping kick.  
  
Chan dodged the attack by flipping over to the turnbuckle and rebounding off it. Finally, he attacked RVD with a roundhouse kick, which Mr. Pay-Per- View easily ducked underneath.  
  
''Jackie Chan has finally got his head in the game with his first offensive maneuver!'' Hiroshi shouted.  
  
''That's true,'' Daisuke admitted. ''Chan wasn't gonna last very long without fighting back.''  
  
''RVD still ain't no pushover,'' King said. ''He's not gonna be easy, even for Jackie Chan!''  
  
''That's for sure,'' J.R. agreed. ''RVD's got those educated feet; One went to Harvard, the other to Yale!''  
  
In the ring, RVD was using those educated feet to assault his opponent. Jackie Chan, however, was having no difficulty blocking and returning the assault.  
  
Their tirade ended when Rob Van Dam ducked underneath a strait punch and tried to take Chan down with a leg sweep, which caused the Chinese marital artist to backflip across the ring to avoid the attack.  
  
Van Dam quickly followed, and leapt over Jackie's kick to his gut. Twisting in the air, RVD turned his evasion into a spinning kick that nailed Chan in the face.  
  
While Jackie was still falling to the mat, RDV raced across the ring, bounced off the ropes and tucked into a ball, rolling back across the ring until he reached his prone opponent.  
  
''Rolling Thunder!'' J.R. acknowledged as RVD bounced into the air, crashing down on top of Chan.  
  
''RVD has taken the upper hand!'' Hiroshi shouted.  
  
''Question is,'' Daisuke detracted. ''Can he keep the upper hand long enough to set up the ladder and climb to the top?''  
  
Instead of going for the ladder, RVD dragged Jackie Chan's prone form to a corner of the ring.  
  
''Looks like RVD is going for one of the high-risk maneuvers he's known for!'' Hiroshi anticipated. ''He could put Chan away for good!''  
  
''The match, and those magic talismans, would be all his,'' King agreed. ''If he doesn't mess up.''  
  
RVD leaped up to the top rope, split his legs and bounced off the rope on each side of the turnbuckle. As Van Dam flipped off the top rope, Jackie wisely rolled out of the ring causing RVD to meet nothing but the solid mat.  
  
''Oooo!'' King laughed. ''You know what, Daf?''  
  
''What?'' Daffy asked.  
  
''He messed up!''  
  
''RVD missed the Springboard Moonsault,'' J.R. elaborated. ''Now Jackie Chan has a chance to take a much needed breather!''  
  
Indeed, Jackie Chan was on the outside of the ring, leaning against the ring apron and holding his wounded chest.  
  
Inside the ring, RVD was recovering quickly as he rolled outside the ring on the adjacent side as Chan. RVD kneeled against the ring apron himself and pulled it up and reached inside.  
  
''What's RVD going for?'' King wondered.  
  
''It's a steel chair!!!'' Hiroshi shouted as Van Dam pulled out and raised the traditional metal folding weapon.  
  
''What a surprise,'' Daffy and Daisuke snarked in unison...then stared quizzically at each other.  
  
RVD readied the offensive sitting device and stalked to the corner of the ring. He quickly turned the corner and prepared to swing at...nothing.  
  
Rob Van Dam stared at the side of the ring Chan had been just a second ago.  
  
''Where the heck did he go?'' Daffy asked.  
  
His question was answered when Jackie Chan crawled out from under the side of the ring RVD had just been on.  
  
Jackie leapt forward and delivered a flying kick to RVD, who used the steel chair to keep his balance as he fell forward.  
  
''Jackie Chan!'' Hiroshi cheered in a Pauly Shore drawl. ''Usin' the stealth!''  
  
''Stop it, Hiroshi,'' Daisuke warned. ''You're going to get yourself hurt...again.''  
  
RVD immediately recovered, whirled around and swung the steel chair at Chan's head. However, Jackie Chan ducked under the chair shot and kicked RVD in the gut.  
  
RVD next tried a downward swing, but Chan stood, wound up inside Van Dam's arms, and retorted with a quick jab to the face.  
  
Van Dam staggered back, still holding the steel chair, and decided to change tactics. Instead of attacking, he lobbed the steel chair over to his opponent.  
  
Jackie Chan caught the steel chair and held it up in front if him. Before he could even wonder why, RVD struck with a spinning back kick, smashing the chair into his face.  
  
''RVD catches Chan with the Van Daminator!'' J.R. announced as Jackie Chan fell. ''Now's RVD's chance to get the ladder!''  
  
RVD grabbed Jackie Chan by the hair and hauled him to his feet, only to punch him one more time.  
  
''I don't think so J.R.!'' King said as RVD lifted the dazed Jackie Chan and dropped him onto the audience guardrail. ''It looks like RVD is looking to put Jackie Chan down for good first!''  
  
As Jackie Chan laid stomach-down across the guardrail, RVD jumped onto the ring apron and turned to face the cheering crowd.  
  
''R...V...D!'' He pointed to himself and led the crowd in his chant then leaped from the ring, spinning in the air. Van Dam's leg drop came down like an axe on the back of Jackie's head.  
  
''Whoa!'' Hiroshi cringed as Chan flipped back over the guardrail and landed in a heap on the mats outside the ring. ''That's gotta be enough!''  
  
''Doesn't look like it,'' Daffy chimed as RVD rolled Jackie Chan's body into the ring. RVD then picked up the steel chair and rolled into the ring himself.  
  
Rob placed Jackie's prone body in the corner of the ring and propped him up against the ring post. RVD then held up the chair for all the cheering crowd to see, then walked across the ring and climbed the adjacent ring post.  
  
''R...V...D!!!''  
  
''Rob's going to do the Van-Terminator!!!'' J.R. shouted as RVD leaped from the ring post, placing the steel chair by his feet as he sailed through the air.  
  
''Oh no!'' King gasped.  
  
But just as RVD was about to drive the chair into his prone opponent, Jackie Chan sprang into action. Chan sprang from the corner, kicking the steel into Van Dam's face and leapfrogging over the mid-air chaos, only to land on his feet while RVD and the chair crashed into the ring post.  
  
This prompted from the fans a mixture of both cheers and jeers.  
  
''A rather mixed reaction from the crowd,'' Daisuke observed.  
  
''Well,'' J.R. said. ''RVD is a pretty popular superstar.''  
  
''But you gotta admit,'' Hiroshi smiled. ''That was a pretty cool trick!''  
  
Jackie wasted little time to stumble outside the ring to retrieve the fallen ladder.  
  
''Jackie Chan feeling the effects of the assault by RVD,'' J.R. said, regarding Chan's slight gait as he picked up the ladder and slid it into the ring.  
  
When Jackie followed the ladder into the ring, he lifted it, prepared to set it up, and RVD's surprise kick knocked it out of his hands.  
  
Before Chan could react, Van Dam grabbed the ladder and swung it like an awkward sword.  
  
''And now, Van Dam is using the ladder as a weapon!'' J.R. shouted.  
  
''That's interesting,'' Daffy drawled.  
  
''That's not nearly as interesting as the fact they're both still standing,'' Daisuke drawled right back.  
  
Back in the ring, Chan was in his element as RVD attacked him with the ladder, his only key to regaining the dangerous Chinese talismans.  
  
The ladder passed over Chan as he bent over backwards to avoid it, hopped over the sweep to his legs, and dodged to the side as RVD jabbed the ladder forth.  
  
As the ladder passed by his side, Jackie Chan grabbed the wooden faux- weapon and, after a moderate struggle, twisted it from RVD's grip.  
  
Being at the wider end, it was more difficult or Rob to dodge Jackie's ladder attacks. He ducked under a wide swipe to the head, jumped over a sweep to his feet, but then Chan jabbed the ladder into his gut, flipped it around, and trapped the Michigander martial artist between two of the rungs.  
  
''Jackie Chan has turned the tables on Rob Van Dam and trapped him in the ladder!'' J.R. shouted.  
  
''Now there's tables involved?'' Hiroshi pondered, looking around for a folding table the combatants could use as yet another impromptu weapon.  
  
''Hiroshi,'' Daffy said. ''Here's a showbiz tip: Quit while you're ahead. But in your case, you should just quit.''  
  
Jackie Chan pushed the ladder back until it hit the ring post, then set his end down on the mat. He readied himself and then ran up the ladder at full speed.  
  
''Jackie's using the ladder as a ramp!'' J.R. yelled right before Chan delivered a sliding kick to RVD.  
  
Van Dam slumped in the rungs of the ladder and fell through into a heap on the mat as Jackie Chan flipped off the ladder.  
  
''Whoa!'' King shouted. ''That was incredible!''  
  
''You bet, King!'' Hiroshi popped. ''And you can expect nothing less from EMW!!!'''  
  
''Geez,'' Daffy groaned. ''Shameless plug much, Cloney?''  
  
A visibly winded Jackie Chan picked up the ladder and set it up in the center of the ring, right under the case of talismans.  
  
''Chan's going up the ladder!'' J.R. announced as Chan slowly began to climb.  
  
''He's going to get the talismans!'' Hiroshi cheered as he watched Jackie Chan continue to slowly trudge up the steps. ''He could win this right now!''  
  
When Chan made it about three quarters of the way up, RVD awoke and instinctively sprang into action. He again grabbed the ladder and toppled it over and again bringing Chan down with it.  
  
This time, instead of jumping off, Jackie Chan swung to the side and rebounded off the ropes to return the ladder to a vertical stance...only to have it fall down on the other side.  
  
''Jackie's effort failed,'' Daisuke stated plainly. ''The ladder's going down the other side.''  
  
''Jackie's valiant effort has failed!!!'' Hiroshi shouted in a panic. ''Now the ladder's going down the other side!!!''  
  
''Yeah,'' Daisuke yawned. ''What he said.''  
  
As Jackie fell with the ladder, Mr. Pay-Per-View earned his nickname by jumping up and grabbing the ladder on it's way down, springboarding off the ropes, and pushing the ladder and his opponent back up.  
  
Jackie Chan and Rob Van Dam enacted a careful balancing act as the ladder teetered back and forth, threatening to topple yet again.  
  
When they finally managed to cease the precarious state of their perilous perch, Jackie and RVD shared a relieved smile with one another, then realized what they were doing and began to scramble up the ladder.  
  
''Okay,'' Daffy smiled as his companions were rendered speechless. ''Even I have to admit, that was pretty cool.''  
  
Both combatants reached the top at the same immediately tried to push the other off. Pushes turned to shoves and the shoving turned to punches. The punches quickly became a flurry of fast-paced martial arts. Punches and chops were delivered, blocked, and dodged with such skill and precision it would make a surgeon jealous.  
  
''Chan and RVD showing an impressive display of ability on the top of the ladder,'' J.R. said in awe.  
  
''They're also showing an impressive degree of balance,'' Daisuke added.  
  
''That's right Dai!'' Hiroshi hyped and Daisuke rolled his eyes. ''The ladder isn't even moving!''  
  
Which remained true until Chan attempted a high spinning kick. However, when RVD ducked underneath it, Chan suffered a momentary loss of balance and ended up facing the wrong way. A simple push was all it took for RVD to send his opponent tumbling through the air.  
  
''OH MY GOD!!!'' J.R. yelled as Jackie Chan fell to the mat, shaking the canvas upon impact. ''Chan, taking a huge gamble that didn't pay off, and falling fifteen feet off the ladder!!!''  
  
''Chan looks down and out!'' King said. ''All Van Dam has to do is reach up and--Wait! What's he doing?!?''  
  
Instead of reaching for the talisman case and ending the brutal match, Rob Van Dam stepped to the top step and looked down on the form of his fallen foe, which was now slowly beginning to move. ''It's dangerous to be on the top step you know,'' Daffy smirked as Chan rolled over onto his back.  
  
''For which one?'' Daisuke falsely pondered.  
  
From the top of the ladder, Rob Van Dam stood tall and took in the expectant cheers of the crowd.  
  
''He cant' be thinking--!'' J.R. worried.  
  
''He is,'' Daisuke assured.  
  
''R... V... D!!!'' The fans shouted before Van Dam took a dive off the ladder.  
  
''AHHHH!!!'' King squealed.  
  
Van Dam crouched in mid-air, twisted around, and spread out his body in order to land adjacent and belly-to-belly onto the archaeologist/adventurer.  
  
''FIVE-STAR FROG SPLASH!!!'' J.R. yelled as RVD crashed down on top of Jackie Chan with rib-cracking force. ''FIVE-STAR FROG SPLASH OFF THE FIFTEEN FOOT LADDER!!!''  
  
''FIFTEEN FEET ONTO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!!'' Hiroshi yelled as Van Dam rolled off Chan, holding his ribs in pain. Jackie was rolled into a painful fetal position and remained still. ''THAT COULD CAUSE SOME SERIOUS PERMINANT DAMAGE!!!''  
  
''What bugs me is that RVD had this match in the bag,'' Daisuke sulked as Rob slowly dragged himself towards the ladder. ''Now he'll be lucky if he can find the strength to crawl.''  
  
But crawl he did. Rob Van Dam dragged himself to the ladder and used the bottom rung to haul his weakened body up.  
  
Step-by-step, RVD slowly pulled himself up the ladder, back to the top and the coveted prize he was so close to only moments before. At times it seemed as if the support of the fans was the only thing lifting him up as they cheered him on until he reached the top.  
  
''Well, it's academic by this point!'' J.R. said as the martial artist/wrestler unhooked the case and held it up in victory, eliciting wild cheers and general celebration. ''Rob Van Dam now has the power of twelve magic Chinese talismans!''  
  
''Well,'' Daffy yawned. ''That's that.''  
  
''''I miss puppies!'' King whined. ''I miss April!''  
  
''RVD has the talismans! Jackie Chan has been defeated!'' Hiroshi screamed. ''What can we possibly do to top that match?!?''  
  
''How about a Survivor Series-style elimination match with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?'' Daisuke asked plainly as RVD began to climb down the ladder in the ring.  
  
''That could do it,'' Hiroshi answered.  
  
''Yay!'' King squealed with glee as Miss O'Neil accompanied a medical team down to the ring. ''April's coming back!''  
  
Laying on the mat, Jackie Chan had yet to move.  
  
* * * * *  
  
''I am fairly certain that they do not allow smoking in this building,'' The stunningly beautiful, white-haired African woman scolded her companion.  
  
''Yeah?'' The shorter, hairy man asked in a gruff voice that was almost a feral growl. ''What're they gonna do? Shoot me?''  
  
''There are beings here that can do much worse than that, Logan,'' The woman said as her sky blue eyes became a solid white, lightning dancing between them.  
  
At the same time, a small rain cloud grew above the tip of Logan's cigar. In fact, he could even feel the static electricity of lightning tingle the hairs on his unkempt face.  
  
The man called Logan stared at the tiny cloud with a steely gaze, but still took a moment to process what the woman had said.  
  
''Yeah, yeah,'' Logan groused as he put out the cigar himself. ''You made yer point, 'Rorro.''  
  
''I still don't understand why you insisted on accompanying me,'' Ororo Monroe, the mutant also known as Storm of the X-Men, pondered. ''I do not need your protection.''  
  
''I know you don't,'' Logan said with a knowing smirk. ''I'm here for a fight, same as you.''  
  
''You weren't asked to compete here tonight,'' Storm said questionably. ''Only I was.''  
  
''Yeah, I don't have a match,'' Logan agreed. ''...Yet.''  
  
''I did not allow you to come here with me to start trouble, Logan,'' Storm said with a disappointed scowl. ''Although, knowing your temperament, I should've expected as much.''  
  
''Hey,'' He said plainly. ''I ain't gonna start a thing. Trust me.''  
  
''Fine,'' Storm conceded, but not really believing him. ''Please, just try to stay out of trouble.''  
  
''Relax 'Rorro,'' Logan said as he pulled another stogie from his leather jacket. ''You know me.''  
  
''Yes, I do,'' She said. ''And that is what worries me.''  
  
''Heh,'' The X-Man codenamed Wolverine chuckled as he began to walk away. ''And good luck with that Women's Title Match. Give 'em hell.''  
  
* * * * *  
  
"Wow!" Jade Chan shouted as she rushed into the infirmary and hugged her uncle. "What a great match! That was so awesome!"  
  
"Oww! Ribs!" Jackie shouted in pain just before Jade released his bandaged stomach and dropped down from the bed her uncle was sitting on.  
  
"Too bad you LOST!" Jade suddenly scolded.  
  
Before the older Chan even had a chance to ponder his niece's change in attitude, the middle and fore fingers of the eldest Chan struck his temple. *THWACK!!!*  
  
"Oww!" Jackie rubbed his head, which was now even sorer then it had already been.  
  
"Jackie!" The bi-spectacle wearing Uncle's shrill voice rang throughout the infirmary. "How could you?!?"  
  
"I know Uncle," Jackie bowed his head in shame. "I lost the talismans."  
  
"Yes, losing the talismans is bad," Uncle calmly stated before "thwacking" Jackie yet again. "But Uncle is mad about you not advertising his shop! You are BAD advertiser!"  
  
"Uncle," Jackie muttered. "We have to find where Mr. Van Dam is! We MUST retrieve the talismans!"  
  
"Hey guys," A cocky voice came from the infirmary's doorway. "I'm right here."  
  
All three members of the "Chan Clan" turned to see none other than Rob Van Dam standing there, holding the metal case he had just fought so very hard for. His hair was messed up and he had a few bandages of his own, but there was no mistaking the cocky grin on his face, regardless of the match he just went through.  
  
''Rob!" Jackie shouted as he jumped up off the infirmary bed, despite the pain he was in. "I know this might sound crazy, but you HAVE to give us the talismans! We can put them in a safe place! In the wrong hands, they can be very dangerous! You must trust me!"  
  
"I know," RVD said calmly as he held out the metal briefcase. "Here."  
  
"Wha--?" Jackie blanched.  
  
"You're going to put these in a safe place, right?" Rob said, still holding the cocky smile on his face. "Section 13? There's an autographed photo for Captain Black in there."  
  
"Uhh...right," Jackie answered with a confused smile and took the talismans from RVD. "Thank you."  
  
"Hey, don't you want to use the talismans' magic?" Little Jade Chan wondered (After all, RVD's arsenal of moves would be even cooler with magic powers thrown in).  
  
"Hey Squirt," RVD proudly proclaimed. "I don't need magic, 'cause I'm Rob...Van...Dam!"  
  
* * * * * 


	14. TMNT Survivor Series!

"Thanks again for that interview April," J.R. said as the sole female commentator reclaimed her seat at ringside and headset.

"Isn't it tough for you, April?" King asked with mock concern. "I could rub your shoulders and make you feel better!"

"No thank you, King," April said with an icy glare, but continued after she calmed slightly. "It's all part of a reporter's job."

The lights in the stadium dimmed slightly as an ominous voice came over the speakers in a creepy whisper.

"Let the bodies hit the floor.

Let the bodies hit the floor.

Let the bodies hit the floor.

Let the bodies hit the..."

Then the voice screamed.

"...FLOOR!!!"

The loud heavy metal of "Bodies" by Drowning Pool blasted the eardrums of everyone in the stadium as a diminutive old man dressed in a brown gi bounced from backstage and down the ramp, cackling gleefully, followed by four taller fighters

"The following match-up is an eight man Survivor Series Elimination Match," The Announcer happily announced to the perpetually cheering crowd. "First, being lead to the ring by the Master of the 'Anything-Goes School of Martial Arts', Happosai, the team of Morrigan Aensland, Haohmaru, Bulleta B. Hood, and Vega, A.K.A. The Happi Team!!!"

The team of menacing looking fighters appeared much more dangerous than happy as they marched down the ramp after the bounding Happosai.

Okay, so only three of them looked really menacing.

The little girl in a red dress and hooded cape seemed a little out of place, especially with her cute smiling face framed by curly blond hair, and the butterflies dancing around her head. A small dog with a blue bow pranced around her skipping feet.

Unnoticed by the others, Daisuke paled even deeper at the mere sight Bulleta B. Hood skipping down the ramp.

"What's a cute little sprite like B.B. Hood doing with a bunch of psychos like these?" Daffy wondered out loud.

"Trust me," Daisuke gulped when he regained the ability to speak. "She belongs."

Morrigan, the beautiful succubus in a skintight black leotard and pink silk tights, smiled seductively, winked, and blew kisses to any of the salivating boys in the audience lucky enough to catch her eye (Which was just about any of them lining either side of the ramp). The long purple bat wings on her back, and the smaller pair atop her head, in her luxurious lime green hair, did nothing to off set her striking sexual appeal.

"Woo-Hoo!" King hollered from ringside. "Look at Morrigan!!! Puppies! Puppies! I wonder if I can get her phone number?"

"King," April warned. "She's a succubus. She'll suck out your soul and leave you a withered husk."

"Yeah," The King cheerfully replied. "But what a way to go!"

"Hey, as long as she sucks something," Daffy agreed, ogling the ancient seductress.

"I'm warning you Duck," April said as she glared at her mismatched commenting partner.

"What?" Daffy shouted defensively.

The women in the audience would have been downright jealous of Morrigan if they weren't bust with eye candy of their own.

Directly behind the slinky strutting Morrigan marched a dashingly handsome man with a long braid blond hair hanging down his back. Across his chest and right arm a tattoo of a large purple snake matched the purple of his matador pants, with red sash wrapped around is waist.

Another striking feature was the beauty of the weapons he carried. On his left arm he wore an ornately decorated golden gauntlet with three long razor-sharp claws. In his right hand, he held an equally elegant white metal facemask.

The look of his vain male beauty was almost enough to disguise the gleam of sadistic insanity in his cold blue eyes, from all but the most observant of spectators. J.R. is one of those spectators.

"This Vega looks like serious business," J.R. noted.

"He's been known far and wide as the most sadistic fighter in the Street Fighter Tournament," April agreed.

"He looks like trouble for your friends, April," Hiroshi chimed in.

"I think they all look like trouble," April said, eyeing Morrigan coldly as the Happi Team passed the commentating table on the way to their corner.

April shuttered when Vega blew her a kiss as he passed by.

The final member of the team, Haohmaru, walked by the commentating table with a grim look of determination on his face. He wore a loose fitting white samurai gi with black trim. A red sash, similar to Vega's, was tied around his waist, another tied his long unruly dark brown hair, making it seem like a large porcupine had died on his head. A katana sword was strapped to his back, and a sake jug hung from his belt. Although he walked to the ring in silence.

"I thought Haohmaru was a noble samurai warrior, what's he doing on a team like this?" King quickly noted, then turned his attention back to Morrigan as she climbed the steps into the ring. "Mmm," King mumbled quietly. "Like two pigs fighting under a blanket."

"Haohmaru _is_ a samurai," Daisuke answered, ignoring the latter of King's remarks. "Problem is, he thinks that validates anything he does as a noble action. Even when he does the wrong thing."

o/ T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

T-U-R-T-L-E Power!

_Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!_ o/

As the phat old skool beats of "Turtle Power" by Partners In Kryme were turned up over the cheering crowd, four humanoid turtle creatures appeared on the ramp lead by a giant rat in a purple martial arts robe.

"And their opponents! Being accompanied to the ring by their sensei, Master Splinter, from the sewers of New York City, Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael, and Michaelangelo, THE TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!!!"

While Splinter used his walking stick to quietly and stoically walk to the ring, his young pupils shouted, hollered, and waved to the cheering crowd, excited to finally be out of the shadows ninja are usually accustomed to.

"I hope your friends are better fighters than they look," Daffy noted. "Of course, that other fruity group doesn't look all that intimidating either."

"Don't worry," April curtly replied. "They are."

"So you're saying it's a sure thing?" Daffy asked while dialing up his bookie on his cell phone (There go the gambling jokes again).

"They'll have to be in order to beat the psycho squad that makes up Happosai's team!" Hiroshi shouted.

"What are you talking about?!?" King incredulously shrieked "It looks to me like the freaks are the five-foot-tall turtles getting into the ring! I'd rather root for the team with the samurai, the pretty boy, the little girl, and the puppies, uhh, I mean Morrigan."

The four teens of the mean green machine climbed into the ring and faced off against their odd collection of adversaries.

"Looks like the teams are well prepared and ready to rumble!" Hiroshi shouted.

"Give it a rest for a moment will ya?!? Geesh!" Daffy growled before turning back to his cell phone. "No, no! _Twelve _hundred!"

As the teams retreated to their respective corners, Happosai leapt on the top turnbuckle to give his team a pep talk.

"I have carefully chosen you all because you're the best--" Happosai began.

"Yeah right," Morrigan interrupted with a sultry giggle. "You picked us because we're all as perverted and sadistic as you."

"Too true," The Master of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts nodded sagely. "In the spirit of our newfound camaraderie, I present some ancient words of advice and wisdom: Don't lose. Haohmaru, you're up first."

Haohmaru simply nodded.

"Inspiring!" Morrigan sarcastically gushed and then stretched her long legs through the ropes in order to climb out of the ring (Much to the King's delight). "This should prove to be...interesting, though."

"That's right!" B.B. happily agreed as she skipped out of the ring, puppy and butterflies following behind her. "This is going to be lots of fun!"

"I will enjoy finding out what color they bleed," Vega hissed as he put on his mask.

"That's the spirit!" Happosai cheerfully approved. "Now, there's just one more thing..."

"I like that Happosai guy!" King said. "I can't quite put my finger on it, but there's something about him I--"

"APRIL!!!" The small Happosai squealed as he leapt onto the reporter's chest and began nuzzling her breasts. "It's always been my favorite month!"

KA-POW!!!!

"Wow-Wee!" Hiroshi whistled.

"Well," Daisuke smirked. "I'm impressed."

"How in the heck did you do that?" J.R. blanched.

"Well, J.R.," April replied simply. "You don't spend as much time as I do with adolescent martial artist mutants without learning a few things about protecting yourself."

King and Daffy just glanced at the Happosai-sized hole in the stadium ceiling and gulped.

On the other side of the ring, three of the Ninja Turtles stood on the ring apron to encourage their brother in the ring.

"Go get'em, Bro!" The one with the orange mask, Michaelangelo, said with the accent of a California surfer.

"Agreed," The purple masked Donatello spoke with an intellectual flair. "Good luck, Leo!"

"Whatever," Raphael, in the red mask, griped with a Brooklyn accent. "I should be goin' first."

"Raphael," Master Splinter said from ringside. "It was agreed that Leonardo would fight first."

"I don't remember agreein' to anything," Raph grumbled.

"Fight with honor, my son," Splinter told the turtle with the blue mask in the ring.

"I will Master Splinter," Leonardo bowed to his sensei then turned to the ring and his opponent.

"Looks like Leonardo of the turtles and Haohmaru are gonna start us off!" Hiroshi announced.

"It is an honor to fight you, noble samurai," Leonardo said politely and bowed to his honorable opponent.

"Leonardo is demonstrating a traditional martial arts show of respect for one opponent before a match," J.R. informed.

"That's right, J.R.," Daisuke agreed. "It's a rare show of class and respect in this day and age. Quite refreshing really."

Of course, Haohmaru replied by honorably kicking Leo in the face.

SURVIVOR SERIES ELIMINATION MATCH

THE HAPPI TEAM

VS.

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

DING!

"Whoa!" "Hey!" "Ay Chihuahua!" Was the general consensus of the entire commentating table at the surprise and severity of the attack.

"So much for class," Daisuke sighed.

"And Haohmaru starts off with a vicious cheap-shot!" J.R. spat.

"That's the way the game's played J.R.," Daffy argued. "Turtle Boy there shouldn't have taken his eye off the guy here to beat the crap outta him."

"What the heck was that?!?" Raphael shouted from ringside.

"What ever happened to 'honor' and 'respect for one's opponent'?" Leonardo asked looking up at the now smiling Haohmaru.

"ONE AS LEGENDARY AS I DOES NOT NEED TO SHOW RESPECT TO THE LIKES OF YOU," Haohmaru spoke proudly (Trust me, for him, this is speaking). "HONOR IS NOT MEANT FOR DEMONS."

"I see what you mean about him not having a microphone," April muttered.

"Yeah," Daisuke sighed. "It only gets worse."

"Fine, you want to fight?" Leo said as he slipped into a fighting stance. "Let's dance."

"I WILL DANCE MY WAY TO VICTORY," Haohmaru drew his long katana sword, grasped it in both hands, raised it high, and raced forward in attack.

"I see what you mean by it getting worse," said April.

Leo drew the two katana from the back of his shell and blocked Haohmaru's attack, slightly buckling under the sheer force of the blow. Leo then pressed forward with an attack of his own.

"Looks like Haohmaru and Leonardo are pretty evenly matched," J.R. said as the twin blades of the turtle clashed against the skilled sword of the loud samurai, neither one giving or taking more than a few feet of the ring at a time.

"Master Splinter has trained his students very well in the art of Ninjitsu," April said with a proud, knowing smile. "Not only is Leo the top of the class, he's also the very best when it comes to the sword."

True to April's words, Leo matched his well-trained opponent blow for blow until a particularly savage strike of Haohmaru's was blocked and then trapped by both of Leonardo's katana. Both competitors closed in and remained locked in their position, the edges of each warrior's sword dancing dangerously close to their opponent's face.

"I ADMIT," Haohmaru said, his sneering face mere inches from the turtle's and his swords. "YOU ARE QUITE SKILLED. I WILL OFFER YOU ONE CHANCE TO SURRENDER AND SAVE YOURSELF FURTHER PAIN AND HUMILIATION."

"How 'bout, 'No'," Leo winced at his proximity to Haohmaru's legendary booming voice.

"SO BE IT."

Haohmaru suddenly jumped back, breaking the stalemate, and cleaved the air using a sort of spinning upwards strike with his sword, creating an impressive whirlwind that sped across the ring into the surprised turtle, hurtling him clear across the ring and into a turnbuckle on the opposite side.

"Haohmaru used his Secret Cyclone Slash to catch Leo off-guard," Daisuke informed the viewers.

"Well it's not a secret anymore," Daffy quipped.

"Right..." Hiroshi replied in a sly conspiratorial tone.

"Okay," Leo coughed, thanking every deity he could think of that he had such a thick shell. "I'll admit, I'm impressed. That's quite a move you have there."

"TRULY!" Haohmaru proclaimed. "TO CALL ME AWESOME IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT!"

"And you're so modest too," Leo offered. "All right, no more fooling around."

Haohmaru stared at his opponent across the ring and removed the sake jug from his belt to take a quick swig.

"AGREED," Haohmaru said as he retied the jug onto his belt.

Immediately, Leonardo shot up with renewed vigor and attacked, to which Haohmaru responded in kind.

"And Leonardo and Haohmaru decide to kick it up a notch!" Hiroshi shouted in excitement at the fast paced swordplay in the ring. "BAM!!!"

"Okay, 'Roshi," Daisuke calmly scolded. "You need to stop with this blatant use of trademarked catch-phrases, 'cause either you'll get sued or I'll have to kill you."

"Haohmaru and Leonardo are pulling out all the stops!" J.R. said to the clanging chorus of clashing blades emanating from the ring.

Leonardo blocked one of Haohmaru's attacks and used his other sword for an offensive attack, which was then blocked by the other end of Haohmaru's longer blade and they were back in the stand-off they had just minutes before.

"GIVE UP NOW," Haohmaru ordered, his face again inches from the blue mask of his opponent. "YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY WIN."

"Hey pal," Leonardo said, his patience wearing visibly thin as he pulled back from the stand-off this time. "Why don't you just...SHUT UP!"

With a high kick belying his species and heavy shell on his back, Leo caught Haohmaru under his chin, forcibly shutting his loud mouth.

Leonardo leaped over another swipe of Haohmaru's katana, and delivered another kick to the warrior's face while in mid-air.

When he landed, Leo blocked another attack and used the flat end of his other katana to whack Haohmaru's wrists and used his first katana to knock the long sword out of the samurai's hands and clear across the ring.

"UH OH..."

One last spinning kick and Haohmaru was put down for the count.

"Oh!" Hiroshi cried. "Memo to Haohmaru: You just got served!"

"That's not gonna become a catch phrase for you, is it?" Daisuke groaned.

"Yup!"

Daisuke rolled his eyes as the referee counted Haohmaru down and out.

"Haohmaru has been eliminated!" The Announcer proclaimed.

Leonardo watched as the renegade ronin rolled out of the ring and stumble to the back, only to have the young Bulleta B. Hood jump into the ring to take his place.

Leonardo looked down into the sparking blue eyes of the little blond-haired girl, who smiled brightly at him with butterflies dancing around her head and a puppy at her feet.

"Uhh...," Leo muttered and turned back to the corner with his brothers. "Mikey, you're good with kids. You handle this."

"Umm...okay," The orange mask clad turtle said uneasily as he was tagged in by his brother.

As Leonardo got out of the ring, Michaelangelo entered and walked over to the living picture of innocence and serenity in the middle of the ring.

"Hey, ya little cutie," Mikey said, returning the young girl's bright smile. "You don't really want to fight us, do you?"

"Uh-uh," Bulleta shook her head, continuing to smile sweetly. "I want to kill you all and sell your carcasses to the highest bidder!"

Michaelangelo barely had enough time to dodge the hail of bullets B.B. Hood fired from the machine gun she pulled from her basket.

"_Mikey!!!_" Leonardo yelled as his brother dove through the ropes and ducked under the relative safety provided by the side the ring.

The other three turtles quickly joined Michaelangelo as B.B.'s aim shifted to the ring post they were standing at a moment before.

"Are automatic weapons even allowed in the ring?!?" April shouted.

"The Ref's not stopping the match," Daisuke observed. "So, yeah, I guess."

"Sorry about that Mikey," Leo said when he righted himself after diving for cover along with Donny and Raph.

"Not your fault she's really a psycho dressed like Little Red Riding Hood," Michaelangelo responded.

"One thing is certain," Donatello said as another hail of fire chipped away at the ring directly above their heads. "That's no ordinary little girl."

"I can keep doing this all day," Bulleta laughed maniacally from the middle of the ring. "But unless you get your shell in here within ten seconds, you'll be eliminated by count-out!"

"Bulleta B. Hood is playing it smart," J.R. said. "She's keeping Michaelangelo out of the ring long enough for him to be counted out and eliminated from the match."

"She may be smart," Daffy replied. "But she's still one crazy little bitch!"

"For once, Duck," Daisuke said. "I agree with you."

"Stay down, Mikey!" April shouted with obvious concern in her voice. "Stay down!"

"1...2...3...!" The Referee began to count in the ring, hoping the nice turtle on the outside won't be foolish enough to stand-up and get shot.

"Eliminated by me or by getting counted out," B.B. Hood smiled sinisterly. "Either way, I earn my pay (Personally, I'm still hoping for the first one)!"

"...4...5...6...!"

"Hey!" Leonardo shouted, popping up from the side of the ring on B.B.'s left.

"Over here!" Donatello joined in next to Leo.

"Try your luck!" Raph yelled waving his hands along with his brothers. "Shoot the turtle, win a prize!"

"...7...8...9...!"

"Count the shells, Sucka duck!" Bulleta B. Hood laughed as she aimed at the turtles to her left, but before she could fire, Mikey popped up from the other side and threw his nunchucks at the deranged girl as he climbed back in the ring.

The nunchaku hit Bulleta's arms and knocked the machine gun out of her hands before she could fire. When B.B. turned to the direction of the attack, she saw Mikey's three-fingered fist just before it struck her in the face.

"With a little help from his team, Michaelangelo just manages to break the ten count and disarm the insane B.B. Hood!" Jim Ross cheered as the other Ninja Turtles climbed back onto the ring apron.

"He just hit a little girl J.R.!" Jerry "The King" Lawler spat. "Even I know it's not right to go around hitting little girls!"

"She was shooting at him, King!" April argued.

"So?"

"Oh geez! Sorry! My bad!" Mikey frantically apologized to the form of the little girl sprawled on the mat, which then started to...laugh?

"I'm sorry," Daffy interrupted the argument between April and the King. "Is B.B. Hood...laughing?"

"I was hoping one of you stupid reptiles had a spine underneath those thick shells," Bulleta hissed as she lifted herself up. "Now things can get interesting."

That's when Michaelangelo got a look under the red hood of B.B.'s cape, and what he saw chilled him to the bone (And he's already cold blooded). Her eyes were no longer sparkling blue beacons of innocence, but now manic white voids of pure malice. Her mouth was twisted from a sweet grin into a sadistic smile that indicated naught but evil and cruel intentions.

"I take it all back," King shrieked upon getting a glance at the girl's face himself. "This is scary! April, hold me!"

"Not...a...chance," April said with a glare that frightened King even more.

"This is why she belongs on Happosai's team," Daisuke said with a gulp.

"This girl is nuts!" Hiroshi shouted.

Bulleta leapt into the air to deliver a flying kick to Michaelangelo, who was now off-balance as B.B.'s small dog cowered behind his legs, afraid of his mistress's deranged behavior..

"Mikey is knocked down, but not out!" Hiroshi shouted. "But B.B. Hood has--!"

"Roll, Mikey!" Raph shouted from ringside. "Roll!"

Michaelangelo moved just in time to avoid a bullet from the pistol B.B. Hood had pulled from her basket.

"I hate guns," Leonardo seethed. "They aren't honorable."

"_You _hate guns?!?" Mikey asked dodging another few shots. "How do you think I feel?"

Michaelangelo rolled once more as a few more bullets whizzed by his head. This time he came up near his discarded nunchaku, grabbed them and pulling the second pair from the weapons belt around his waste. Mikey swung both pairs around as he came up, knocking the gun clear out of Bulleta's hands.

"And Michaelangelo has again managed to disarm B.B. Hood!" J.R. again cheered.

"But the question is," Daisuke began. "How many more tricks (And by 'tricks' I mean 'weapons') does Bulleta have in that basket of hers? Michaelangelo really needs to focus on getting that out of her hands."

Michaelangelo leapt into the air to deliver a flying kick, however B.B. quickly pulled what looked like a wine bottle out of her basket as a defense.

"What's she going to do?" Daffy blurted. "Hope he gets drun--HOLY CRAP!!!"

A great spurt of fire suddenly shot out of the bottle with amazing force, burning the air-born turtle and knocking him back down to the mat.

"That's just not physically possible," Donatello complained.

"Don't tell me!" The slightly-charred Mikey groaned as he got up from the mat. "Tell her!"

"This is too easy!" Bulleta giggled as she put the flame-throwing wine bottle back into her picnic basket. "I'm going to be so rich!"

"You mean you really kill people for money?" Michaelangelo asked , slightly unbelieving of this whole situation.

"Damn strait," B.B. Hood replied proudly. "I may enjoy it, but fun doesn't keep food on the table or M-16's in the basket."

"She's kidding, right?" Hiroshi gulped.

"Probably not," Daisuke said.

The petite bounty hunter swung her basket at the prone turtle. Michaelangelo fell backwards, narrowly missing getting beaned by the weapons laden picnic basket. Mikey lashed out with a two-toed foot and kicked the basket right out of Bulleta's hands in mid-swing.

"Michaelangelo has kicked the Bulleta B. Hood's bottomless basket of ballistics back beyond the boundaries of the ring!" Hiroshi shouted, to which

the other commentators politely applauded.

"Okay," Daffy reluctantly slurred. "That was pretty good."

"Maybe," Daisuke warned. "But don't count Bulleta out yet. She's bound to have a few more tricks up her bodice."

Back in the ring, Michaelangelo was just getting up in time to see Bulleta pull out a large bowie knife and lunge for him like a psycho killer from a slasher flick.

"B.B. Hood has pulled out a large hunting knife!" J.R. yelled. "She's going to try to gut Michaelangelo!"

"She can try J.R.!" April cheered. "Since he lasted this long, I know Mikey has a good chance of coming out on top!"

"You call that a knife?!?" Hiroshi skeptically shouted, pulling a metallic object out of his pants pocket. "This is a knife!"

"Hiroshi," Daisuke deadpanned. "That's a spoon."

Mikey deftly dodged Bulleta's wild strikes and slashes, retaliating whenever possible. Mikey dodged again and snapped a backhand punch to

little effect. Next, Mikey tried an even stronger punch. B.B. Hood simply rolled with it and resumed her attack, actually managing to leave a gouge in the front of the turtle's shell.

"Wow," King said. "Looks as if B.B. Hood can take it as well as she can dish it out!"

After a painful wound to Mikey's shoulder, B.B. Hood raised her knife for a final blow to the head. Mikey quickly grabbed her arm and twisted it, forcing her to drop the knife, and kicked her in the stomach. He then turned around and judo-threw her across the ring. Bulleta flew into the ring post upside-down, fell to the mat and, mercifully, didn't get up.

"And Lil' Miss Hood goes down hard!" Hiroshi cheered as the Ref counted. "Bulleta B. Hood: You got ser--!"

"What did I tell you about using copyrighted slogans?" Daisuke said, his hand slapped over his partner's mouth.

"Bulleta B. Hood has been eliminated!"

Michaelangelo watched as B.B.'s small dog began to drag the unconscious young girl from the ring, all signs of her previous malicious insanity gone from her sweetly sleeping features.

"Dude," Michaelangelo sighed. "I am so not having fun anymore."

"Mikey!" Leonardo shouted from ringside. "Behind you!"

The turtle turned around just in time to catch a stiletto heel upside the chin.

"Weeee!!!" King squealed as the succubus in the ring straitened herself from the unbelievable back bend she used to deliver that kick. "It's Morrigan!"

"King--" J.R. began.

"You know what," April said. "Just let him go off in that little world of his. He's obviously happier there."

"Huh?" King asked.

"Nothing," Daisuke said. "Look, King. Bouncy, bouncy."

"What?!? Where?!?" King darted his head back and forth then looked back into the ring. "Woo-hoo! Go, Morrigan! Kick him again!"

Instead, Morrigan floated back across the ring and the wings on her back transformed into a large purple laser blaster that made even the Series 4 Deatomizer look like a pea shooter.

"Now dat's a hell of a gun!" Daffy exclaimed.

"Mikey!!!" April screamed in horror as Morrigan fired the massive weapon, her dark soul energy washing over the hapless turtle warrior.

Michaelangelo was out long before he even hit the mat.

"Oh my god!" Hiroshi screamed. "Morrigan has just blasted the already wounded Mikey right into next week!"

"I don't think the ref even needs to count. He's done for," Daisuke said as the referee did indeed begin to count. "Oops. Sorry, April."

"Michaelangelo has been eliminated!"

Morrigan sauntered around the ring to a mixed reaction from the crowd. Her wings and mist dancing around her and moving with her every sultry step.

"And Morrigan has the nerve to strut her stuff after that cheap move she just pulled!" J.R. said with distain.

"You're right J.R.," King...agreed? "This is great! Lookit her go!"

At ringside, the rat, Master Splinter, pulled his wounded student from the ring and helped the EMT's carry him to the back.

"Master Splinter?" Leonardo questioned.

"I will see to Michaelangelo," Splinter replied calmly. "You three must stay here and finish the match. Fight well, my sons."

"We will Master Splinter," Leonardo said as he and Donatello bowed to their departing sensei.

"You better believe it!" Raphael growled as he jumped into the ring.

"What? You mean there are more of you creatures?" Morrigan said with a condescending laugh. "I hope you have more stamina then the last one. He was no fun at all."

"You like fun?" Raphael, the turtle both wearing and seeing red, snarled as he took his sais out from his belt and gave them a quick spin before settling into an attack pose. "Let's have some fun."

"As uninspired as it is, at least your vocabulary isn't as annoying as the last one's," Morrigan snarked. "I'm so glad I took him out."

Raphael roared as he attacked, starting with a swipe from his sai and a quick kick to the midsection, both of which missed entirely as Morrigan seemed to disappear and reappear behind the angry turtle.

"I really hope that's not the best you can do," Morrigan snorted as both her and Raph turned to face each other. "Come on. Try again."

And Raph did with the same exact result, only this time Morrigan whacked him in the back with her wing when she reappeared.

"Morrigan is in total control of this match," J.R. said. "And it's only making Raphael madder!"

"And if he's not careful, Morrigan could end up controlling him too," Daisuke mentioned. "Of course, Raphael isn't a turtle that's known for his self control, is he April?"

"I'm afraid not," April solemnly agreed, watching as the turtle in the ring rashly attacked his infuriatingly seductive opponent. "And this is defiantly not one of his most shining moments."

"Go Morrigan!" King cheered as Raphael took one more failed attempt at the tricky succubus.

"Bored now," Morrigan yawned before the wings on her back lashed out at Raphael as grasping tendrils that ensnared the sai wielding mutant.

"Morrigan has incapacitated Raphael!" J.R. announced.

"Morrigan clearly has the upper hand," April replied. "But Raph still looks like he's ready to go down fighting!"

"Looks like Morrigan has this match all wrapped up!" Hiroshi said.

"That was an absolutely tasteless and unnecessary," Daffy snapped.

"You were going to say it, weren't you?" Daisuke calmly asked.

"... ... ... yes."

"Why can't she do that to me?!?" The King cried.

The wings of the succubus remained tightly wrapped around the thrashing turtle, pinning his arms and constricting around him, nearly crushing him even through his shell.

"Are you trying to struggle?" Morrigan asked the turtle kicking in the crushing grip of her wings as she pulled Raphael closer in order to enact her ultimate plan. "That's adorable! Utterly pointless, but adorable none the less."

Raphael's savage struggling gradually slowed as he was drawn closer to the seductively grinning succubus.

"Why doesn't Morrigan just finish Raphael off?" Hiroshi asked at Morrigan's apparent reluctance to simply smash her captive to the mat.

"Because she has something else in mind," April said angrily.

"Like what?" Daffy asked.

"Morrigan _is _a succubus," Daisuke said as Raphael reached close enough for Morrigan to stroke his cheek. "And a particularly powerful one at that. It looks like Morrigan is trying to take control of yet another poor male victim."

"I want to be a poor male victim!!!" King whined as he watched Raphael finally stop kicking in Morrigan's embrace.

The crowd gasped as one when the beautiful green-haired succubus pressed her luscious ruby lips to the green, lipless beak of the red masked mutant turtle in her wings.

"And it looks like she succeeded."

"Awwww!" King groaned in dismay. "Lucky shell-head!"

"Dammit!" April shouted, anger breaking through her normally calm anchor façade.

"No!" J.R. shouted. "Morrigan's put Raphael under her spell! Without control over his own actions, what will Morrigan make him do?!?"

"Whatever she wants!" King answered with no small hint of jealousy.

In her wings, Morrigan's newest conquest hung completely limp with a blank expression on his perpetually angry face.

"Hmm...I wonder..." Morrigan thought, eyeing the strong humanoid turtle in her wings up and down. "Maybe later. First, I want you to destroy your three brothers at ringside, then go in the back and kill the wounded one and the rat! You'll do that for your mistress, won't you?"

"No!" Leonardo shouted from ringside, hoping the strong-willed Raph could break through, but preparing for the worst in case he can't. "Snap out of it, Raph!"

"Logistics of her enchantment aside," Donatello observed, readying his bo staff for the onslaught of his unfortunate brother. "This is really bad."

However, neither turtle was prepared for what happened next.

"Mistress?" The broken Raphael said with a dreamy sigh.

"Yes, my pet?" Morrigan purred, pulling her new slave close.

"I'm not as stupid as you think I am."

A sickening crack echoed through the arena as Raphael head butted the unsuspecting succubus.

"Yes!" April cheered. "Raphael just resisted Morrigan's spell, knocked her for a loop, and escaped and the crushing grip of her wings!!!"

"Crushing, groping," Daffy said. "Same difference."

"Wings are kinky!" King giggled. "Wait! He just hit Morrigan! That's not right!"

"Yeah, Baby!" Hiroshi shouted with glee. "With that move, you might say Morrigan has been left Shell Shocked!!!"

"No, I wouldn't," Daisuke flatly stated.

Raphael moved forward to attack the dazed Morrigan when he suddenly felt something hit him hard on the back of the head.

"What was that?!?" Hiroshi shouted

"I don't know," J.R. admitted. "It was too fast to get a good look a--Wait a minute!"

"Well," Daisuke said. "Look who's back."

"What the--?!?" Raph yelled after stumbling forward a few feet and turning around to see what had attacked him. He found it standing on the turnbuckle, right next to Vega, with his arms crossed and a stern look on his face...

"Happosai?!?" Hiroshi shouted in astonishment.

"Happosai," Daisuke responded calmly. "And why are you so surprised?"

"I...don't know," Hiroshi pondered.

"That was a cheap shot!" Leonardo argued from across the ring. "Outside interference is against the rules!"

"The element of surprise and using your opponent's own weakness against him is the backbone of Anything Goes Martial Arts," Happosai wisely explained. "With this knowledge there is no way you can defeat my hand-picked champions."

"Check the scoreboard again, Gramps," Raph chuckled mirthlessly. "Your team's down two-to-one."

"Apparently, Morrigan, my dear," Happosai said to the succubus behind Raphael. "These little turtles just aren't man enough to handle you, are they?"

"Raph! Watch out!" April's warning came too late as Morrigan kicked Raphael in the back while the diminutive martial arts master drew his attention.

"We'll be all tied up soon enough, Little Turtle," Morrigan smirked. "And, sadly, not in a way you'll enjoy."

"I'm not too disappointed," Raph retorted. "You don't look like you got a lot to offer anyway."

Happosai met Raphael's insult with another super fast attack from behind.

As soon as Happosai again landed on the top of the ring post, Raphael spun around and lunged toward him. Happi easily leaped over the sai swipe and bounded off of the turtle's shell, landing right next to the luscious legs of Morrigan.

So Raphael punched Vega instead.

"Don't worry, Pretty Boy," Raph said to the masked man looking up at him from the floor outside the ring. "You're next."

Behind him, Morrigan prepared for another attack.

"You had your chance with the best, Raphael," Morrigan sighed, feigning disappointment. "But now you die like the rest! SOUL FIST!"

The yellow ball of demonic soul energy struck Raph in the back, his shell providing little actual protection, and sent him down to the mat where Happosai quickly renewed his attack.

"This is deplorable!" J.R. shouted. "Happosai isn't supposed to be in this match!!! What happened to the referee?!?"

"What do you think?" April asked rhetorically, looking into the ring to see the old ref mindlessly watch Morrigan bend over and stretch.

While that happened, Happosai continued to kick, stomp, and jump on Raphael. Happosai then hopped onto the top turnbuckle to gain some height.

"It looks like Happosai is getting ready to finish off Raphael," Daisuke said.

"How is that perverted old midget able to do so much damage?" April asked.

"Do to his appearance and personality, it's easy to forget that Happosai is actually a powerful martial arts master," Daisuke said as Happosai jumped down, kicked Raph in the head once more, then leapt back up to the top turnbuckle.

"And a tricky little so-and-so to boot," Daffy added while Happosai readied his final assault and jumped off the turnbuckle in a flying kick aimed for Raph's head.

As Happosai leapt into the air, very few people noticed the figure that raced down the ramp.

"This is it!" Hiroshi shouted only an instant before a clawed foot struck Happosai in mid-air.

The tiny perv was knocked completely out of the ring, skidded across the mats on the outside, and head-first into the audience barricade.

The rat landed in the ring between his fallen student and a very powerful succubus.

"MASTER SPLINTER HAS INTERECPTED HAPPOSAI IN MID-ATTACK WITH A FLAWLESS FLYING KICK FROM THE RAMP!!!" Hiroshi shouted. "I DON'T BELIEVE IT!!!"

"Believe it, Hiroshi," April said. "Master Splinter is one of a kind!"

"Are you able to continue, my son?" Splinter asked Raphael, never taking his eyes off the succubus

across the ring.

"You better believe it," Raphael grunted as he got to his feet.

"A giant rat?" Morrigan laughed. "Is this supposed to scare me?"

"I am not your opponent," Splinter said before he leapt out of the ring, flipped through the air and landed in front of a recovering Happosai. "I am his."

In the ring, Raphael attacked Morrigan as soon as his sensei was out of the way.

"I believe I should warn you of who you are dealing with," Happosai said as he bounced out of the hole left by his impact into the barricade.

"I believe," Splinter said, readying himself in a martial arts stance. "As the saying goes, that you should 'put up or shut up'."

"Don't say I didn't warn you," Happosai said, not even bothering to take a stance of his own. "HAPPO FIRE BURST!!!"

Splinter leapt back as the floor exploded where he had just been standing.

Happosai bound through the thin smoke left behind by his bomb and attacked Splinter wit a flurry of martial arts blows that were blocked by Splinter.

The evenly-matched fight continued around the entire ring as Raphael and Morrigan continued their fight inside.

"It looks like there are now two amazing matches going on right in front of us!" J.R. said. "Raphael and Morrigan trading shots in the ring and the Masters, Splinter and Happosai, goin' at it on the outside!"

"We're definitely getting our money's worth, J.R.!" Hiroshi agreed.

After a particularly impressive display of martial arts skill, Splinter broke through Happosai's defense and knocked the Anything Goes Master to the padded mats. In response, Happosai quickly ducked under the ring apron and scampered underneath the ring.

Master Splinter jumped from the floor to the top of the turnbuckle, over the heated battle in the ring, landing on the outside at the other end. Splinter tossed up the ring apron to reveal...absolutely nothing.

"An opening!" Happosai shouted as he popped up from the crowd behind Splinter. "It's over! HAPPO FIRE BURST!!!"

"I agree," Splinter said as another salvo of small explosives headed towards him. "It is over."

Master Splinter caught four of the five bombs, two in each hand, and instantly snuffed out their wicks in-between his fingers. He then spun quickly and whacked the final bomb with his whip-like tale, sending it right back at the lecherous cheat.

"Uh-oh."

KER-BOOM!

"Looks like Happosai's blasting off again!!!" Hiroshi cheered.

"Is it even worth responding to him anymore?" Daffy wondered.

"Do you think it'll get him to stop?" Daisuke asked.

"Probably not."

"At any rate," J.R. said. "Through an impressive display, Master Splinter has taken Happosai out of the equation, allowing his student to continue his fight with Morrigan Aensland uninterrupted."

Speaking of which, Raphael was currently on the defensive while Morrigan slashed at the turtle with her now razor-sharp wings.

Raph blocked an attack with his sai then grabbed the wing and yanked it down to the mat. He then drove his sai into the mat, pinning Morrigan's wing and taking her down to one knee.

"You think that'll be enough to beat me?" Morrigan scoffed as she continued her attack with her remaining free wing, managing to catch Raphael's free arm and create a deep gash in it.

"Aargh!" Raphael grasped his bleeding arm and spoke through gritted teeth. "Maybe not, but it'll keep you right were I want you."

"Not for long, it won't," Morrigan said taking a swipe at the turtle's legs.

Raph leapt over the Dark Stalker's attack, stabbing his other sai down and into the mat with his uninjured arm.

"Long enough."

Morrigan shrieked in pain as her other wing met the same fate as the first. With both wings pinned to the mat, Morrigan struggled to get up as Raphael stood tall before her.

"OH NO!" King shouted. "Get outta there Morrigan!"

"Morrigan's trapped on her knees and it looks like she's going down!" Hiroshi shouted as the rebellious turtle, finally the taller of the two, loomed over the trapped succubus.

"Really poor choice of words, 'Roshi," Daisuke slapped his forehead and groaned.

"Payback's a bitch!" J.R. cheered.

"And so is Morrigan!" April added.

"Now it's over," Raph said as he reared back his fist. "Say 'G'night', Bat-Slut."

Morrigan was out long before she even hit the mat.

"Morrigan Aensland has been eliminated!"

"And Raphael defeats Morrigan!" J.R. announced as the wings one Morrigan's back and head transformed into a fleet of purple bats that carried her out of the ring. "Which leaves the score at three turtles to one member of Happosai's team left."

"That's right, J.R.," April said. "But Raph has to watch out because that last one is--Wait! Where _is _Vega?!?"

Sure enough, the corner for Happosai's Happi Team stood empty, it's final member no where to be seen.

"Heh," Raphael sneered. "Pretty Boy probably got scared and ran off."

"RAPH! LOOK OUT!" Leonardo shouted. "ABOVE YOU!"

Raphael flipped back just in time for Vega's claws to miss impaling into his head.

"Vega was hanging from the Hell-in-a-Cell above the ring!!!" Hiroshi shouted. "He almost took out Raph in one attack!"

"He almost killed him," April said in an annoyed tone. "What exactly are the rules here?"

"I don't think EMW has actually hammered out all the details yet," Daisuke said in apology. "Which could be bad news for those who like to fight fair, like your friends."

"Why don't you take that mask off so I can ruin that pretty face of yours," Raphael sneered as he readied his sais once more.

"This mask isn't to protect _me!" _Vega snarled. "You just aren't worthy enough to look upon my glorious visage. Besides, I wouldn't want you to get distracted while we're fighting."

"See how considerate Vega is?" King asked his nay saying partners. "The guy's all class!"

"Yeah right," April said.

"Someone's got an awful high opinion of himself," Donatello observed from ringside.

"Oh yeah?" Raph asked. "Well, it's about time I knocked him down a peg or two."

Vega's eyes narrowed through the slits in his mask.

"Come and try."

"And Raphael goes on the offensive," J.R. said as the turtle ran across the ring to attack the masked madman.

Vega side-stepped Raph's first strike and ducked underneath a spinning kick.

"Vega's been put on the defensive by Raphael's martial arts skill!" Hiroshi said right before Vega flipped backwards to avoid being hit in his masked face by the handle of Raph's sai, kicking the mutant teen on the chin as he did so.

"But Vega's Cage Fighting style is well suited to the confines of the ring," Daisuke pointed out. "Allowing him to quickly turn the tables on his opponent."

In the single moment Raphael was stunned, Vega rushed in and plunged his claws into the turtle's unprotected side.

"VEGA JUST STABBED RAPHAEL IN THE SOFT FLESH BETWEEN HIS FRONT AND BACK SHELLS!!!" Hiroshi screamed, his voice carrying over Raphael's own painful groan. "HE MAY HAVE PUNCTURED A VITAL ORGAN!!!"

"That has to be illegal!" April argued. "They should have stopped this match a long time ago!"

"_GAH!!!_" Raphael again groaned in pain and grasped his bleeding side as Vega yanked his claws out of the turtle's hide. Vega then grabbed the front collar of Raph's shell and tossed him into his brothers' corner.

When Raphael attempted to stand and continue the fight, a purple-masked turtle reached out slapped and his critically injured brother on the shoulder.

"And a blind tag from Donatello mercifully takes Raphael out of the match," J.R. said as the referee confirmed it.

"Thank God," April sighed. "Raph's okay, but that just means Donny now has to face that masked sociopath."

"I don't...need...help," Raph managed to gasp out between ragged breaths as he finally stood up.

"No, you don't_ want_ help," Donatello corrected. "There's a difference. I'm going in."

"Be careful, Don," Leonardo warned as his smartest brother climbed into the ring. "This guy is dangerous."

"Tell me about it," Raph griped as he took Donatello's place on the outside and held his bleeding side.

"Why isn't Raph going to the back to get medical attention?" April asked. "He's been seriously injured!"

"He could go to the back, April, if he wants to abandon his team," King said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Raphael was legally tagged out, so he may've been saved from Vega's superior skills, but he's still officially in the match."

"I hate to say it, April," J.R. said. "But King's right."

"Of course I'm right, J.R.!" King shouted. "In fact, Raphael _should_ go to the back! He's hurt! He can't help his team anymore! He can't fight!"

"But Raphael isn't the type of guy who's going to let that stop him, is he April?" Daisuke asked.

"No, he isn't."

"You are a small turtle in a very big ocean," Vega chuckled, waving his clawed hand in a dismissive gesture directed at the bo staff wielding mutant across the ring. "Why don't you go back to the sewers where your kind belong?"

"Have you ever actually been in a sewer?" Don asked with a smirk and twirled his staff. "With all that crud you spout, you'd fit right in."

Without further banter, Vega attacked.

"Vega quickly takes the offensive," J.R. said.

"Well, no wonder!" King responded. "Donatello's the freshest fighter in the match and Vega is out numbered three-to-one!"

"Well, two-to-one, at least," April corrected. "As tough as Raphael is, with that wound in his side, he's effectively out of the fight and I hope he has the good sense to stay there."

Donatello grunted in pain as he used his bo to block a kick by Vega only to suffer a gash on his forearm from Vega's claws.

"Still, Vega will want to finish Donatello off quickly and move on to Leonardo if he wants to win this match," Daisuke said as Donatello fought to block more of Vega's savage claw strikes with his bo. "And from the looks of it, he really does."

Don blocked a punch from Vega's unclawed hand with one end of his bo and a claw swipe to his legs with the other. The length of Vega's weapon reached anyway and deeply scratched the turtle's leg as he drew his hand away.

"Despite Donatello's skill and superior reach with his bo," Daisuke said. "Vega is still maintaining a strong control over the match."

"Not to mention a constant series of cuts to anything the turtle leaves unguarded," Daffy added. "He may be the brainy one, but if you ask me, Donatello wasn't too smart to go up against someone like Vega."

Vega continued to savagely, yet skillfully, attack the intelligent turtle in the ring.

"On second thought," The psycho Spaniard said calmly as he scored another shallow set of cuts to Donatello's arm. "I think Haohmaru was right. You're not sewer dwelling mutants..."

"Interesting," Donatello said, blocking another claw swipe, but wincing as he took a kick to his opposite side. "Then what are we, you're so smart?"

"You are nothing but lowly demons, not even fit to walk the Earth. It will be my pleasure to purge you and your hideous kind from it."

The bo failed to block once more and another slice appeared on the turtle's leg.

Donatello dropped to his knees, gasping for breath as the sadistic Vega towered over him and chuckled softly.

"It's red," Vega laughed staring at the wet blood dripping from his claws. "Just like a human's. I wonder...if it will taste just as sweet."

Vega slid his ornate mask off his face, much to the appreciation of the female fans until he slowly ran his tongue along the sharp, dripping length of his blade.

"Oh God!" April gasped.

"That is just sick!" J.R. exclaimed.

"I think I'm gonna puke!" Hiroshi gagged.

Donatello simply looked on with an unique expression on his face; a perfect blend of horror, disgust, and anger.

Vega closed his mouth and adopted a sudden sour expression then spat out the blood of the turtle before him.

"Disgusting!" Vega seethed. "How vile! This cold demon blood tastes just like the filth you--"

CHUD!!!

The end of the bo staff connected with Vega's unprotected face hard enough to scrape the skin and break bone.

"WHOA!!!" Hiroshi shouted. "Donatello just busted Vega right in the face!!!"

As Donatello got up from the mat, he delivered another jab to the narcissistic psycho's face with his bo and then decked him with a strong right hand, knocking the mask off Vega's head and clear out of the ring.

Vega staggered back, but seemed more in shock than any sort of pain.

"_AHHHHHH!!! MY FACE!!!_" Vega screamed in a blind and panicked rage. "_MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY FACE?!?_"

"From the looks of it, I shattered your cheek bone, broke your noise, and you may get nice black eye," Donatello smirked then re-readied his bo staff. "And that's just for starters."

"It looks like Donatello has managed to turn the tables on Vega!" J.R. said. "But will he be able to keep it up?"

"You _will _pay for this!" Vega hissed, feeling his broken and slightly bleeding face.

"I have to look at your face!" Donatello retorted. "Trust me Vega, I already am!"

With a savage shout, Vega lunged forward. Don blocked Vega's claws with his bo, but remained locked in a stalemate face-to-bruised face with the deranged street fighter.

"Perhaps I'll just take it out on your pretty red-headed friend," Vega sneered through the blood dripping out of his nose. "I'm sure Miss O'Neal and I will be able to have _lots _of fun...before I skin her alive."

"Uh-oh..." Hiroshi gasped and looked over to April, who looked considerably paled and frozen with fear.

"I don't like Vega as much anymore," King muttered as Master Splinter took a few steps to place himself between the ring and the announce table.

"Big mistake, pal," Raphael snarled standing next to Leonardo, who, surprisingly, looked even angrier than his rebellious brother.

Donatello merely frowned in anger and twisted his bo staff, wrenching Vega's claws off his arm and skidding out of the ring, then kicked Vega in the gut, which sent him staggering g to the corner just within reach of....

"Raphael just hit Vega!" Hiroshi cheered as the unmasked sociopath spun closer to... "Leonardo hit Vega! Vega's getting wailed on and everyone's getting their licks in!"

"WOOO!!! GO GET HIM GUYS!!!" April jumped up and cheered.

"It's like Mardi Gras!" King cheered. "Anybody got some beads?"

"Don't even think about it," April gave King a death glare unlike any before.

"Nevermind," King gulped as Vega staggered to the middle of the ring.

"Vega!" Donatello called. "Game over!"

Using his bo staff to pole vault himself forward, Donatello connected with a flying kick that sent Vega sailing out of the ring, into the steel ramp and utterly down for the count.

"What an incredible finish!!" J.R. shouted over the throngs of cheering fans. "I don't mind saying that this match is over! Vega and all of Happosai's team got just what they deserved!!!"

"Vega has been eliminated! Ladies and gentlemen! Your survivors; Leonardo, Raphael, and Donatello! The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!"

The turtles didn't stick around to celebrate, however, and quickly made their way to the back to heal their wounds, with Don being helped by his blue-masked brother and Raphael leaning on Master Splinter.

"The turtles may have won the match, but they took a lot more damage," Hiroshi said. "Do you think they'll be okay, April?"

"They should be fine," April said. "Even Mikey. They've been through worse...but not much."

"Why?!? Why?!? Why?!? Why?!?" Daffy Duck groaned while simultaneously banging his head on the commentating table.

"What's wrong, Daff?" Hiroshi asked. "I thought you bet on the Turtles. You won!"

"I changed it at the last minute!" Daffy sobbed. "Now Don Lino's gonna have my beak broke!"

"Serves you right," April said with a righteous smirk. "You think we would have learned a lesson about gambling by now."

"Nope!" Hiroshi chirped, holding a brand new wad of cash, which only made Daffy cry louder.

"At any rate," Daisuke coughed. "It's a good thing our next match is Off-Site, because the ring looks like it needs a little work."

The Man of Steel sat in one of the locker rooms in the back, putting on a new red cape to replace the one that was destroyed earlier. He stared strait ahead of him and looked as if he was in deep contemplation.

"Kal-El?" A concerned female voice drew Superman's attention with his Kryptonian birth name.

The woman was one of flawless beauty, from her red and white boots to the golden tiara in long raven-colored hair. Her Amazonian physique was covered in her familiar costume of red, white, blue, and gold. Silver gauntlets covered to her wrists and a long golden lariat hung from her side. Everything about her is truly a wonder. Her name is Diana, Princess of Themyscira, but she is better known to the world as Wonder Woman.

"Diana," Superman greeted his one best friends as she took a seat beside him.

"What's wrong, Kal?" Diana asked. "You're not worried are you?"

"No," Superman sighed. "I'm not worried. I'm just not comfortable with the idea of fighting for sport. I never have been and I don't think I ever will be."

"That's understandable," Wonder Woman replied. "After all, every time you've been forced to fight for an audience the Earth was being threatened, the universe was going to be destroyed, or your friends were in danger. It's always been life and

death."

"Exactly," The Kryptonian refugee agreed.

"But that's not the case this time," The Amazon princess replied. "Tonight, all that's expected is that you give it your all. Just do your best and you'll be fine. Relax, have fun with it. It's just like when we spar with each other."

"Not really," Superman said with a sly smile. "Whenever I fight you, I KNOW I'm going to lose."

"Kal..." Diana smiled and rolled her eyes as she got up to leave. "Just do your best. I'll be rooting for you. Now, I have my own match to worry about. Fighting three others isn't going to be easy, but it will certainly prove who's deserving of the title 'Most Powerful Woman'."

"Plus you'd get another gold belt to go with the title," Superman teased. "Good luck tonight Diana."

"I don't need luck," Wonder Woman stated flatly as she adjusted the golden lasso at her side. "I have skill."

"Everyone can use a little luck," Superman smiled, showing even more of his likable "farmboy-ish" quality.

"I suppose you're right," Diana conceded. "And Kal..."

"Yes?"

"Good luck tonight," Diana smiled as she turned from the doorway.

"I thought you said you don't believe in luck."

"I said I don't _need_ luck," Diana corrected. "You, on the other hand, need all the luck you can get."

"Right," Superman chuckled. "And Diana..."

"Yes, Kal?"

"Thanks."

"Well it sure looks like Superman is ready for a knock-down, drag-out, go-for-broke, no-holds-barred, action-packed battle of the century!!!" Hiroshi screamed in delight before downing an entire two liter of Mountain Dew.

"Lay off the caffeine, Hiroshi," Daisuke sighed. "Seriously, man. I'm worried about you."

"And Wonder Woman looks ready for action as well," J.R. mentioned.

"I'll say!" King said. "She can tie me up with that golden lasso anytime!"

"That's not what I meant King," J.R. rolled his eyes. "Later on, Wonder Woman will join Lina Inverse, the X-Men's Storm, and Ryoko, as all four fight for the title of 'Most Powerful Woman in the Universe', but right now April O' Neil is standing by backstage with a surprise interview. April?"

SECRET MATCH

"Thanks J.R.," April said. "Standing next to me is WWE Superstar Chris Jericho. Jericho, why did you ask for this interview when you don't even have a match tonight?"

April held the microphone to the face of the arrogant man wearing a flashy red sequined open shirt and matching pants. His long blond hair with bright red tips was tied into a familiar pigtail fashion. The only thing not overly flashy was the sinister smirk he held above his blond goatee.

"Yeah, thanks, Loser," Y2J sneered as he snatched the microphone out of April's hand and shoved her off camera. "That's right, I don't have a match! That's because all of these ass-clowns don't know true talent when they see it! Don't they know I'm a _huge_ rock star? I am Y...2...J! The greatest fighter that ever lived! I am a Living Legend and the Undisputed King...of the World!!!"

"The only thing undisputed about you is that you're an undisputed fem-boy has been," A sarcastic voice chimed in from off camera.

The camera panned over to reveal a young man dressed in a pair of silk pants. The martial artist with short dark brown hair also wore a vest and wrist guards seemingly made of green dragon scales, but the strangest piece of garb he wore was a belt made of a pair of women's pantyhose.

"Who's that?" King asked. "And how can I get a pair of those pantyhose?"

"It's Pantyhose Taro!" Hiroshi answered.

"But don't let him hear you calling him that," Daisuke warned. "He is so sensitive about the name Happosai gave him, he is prone to get violent about it."

"Who are you, you little jackass?" Jericho demanded.

"My name's not important," Pantyhose Taro sneered. "What is important is that you realize you're not the best fighter here...I am."

"Really?" Laughed Y2J. "You think so? Well I think you're not even a has been..." Jericho stepped right up to Pantyhose Taro, showing he has a little height over the one in the dragon scale vest. "You're a never was!"

Pantyhose Taro just smirked.

"Has been."

"I AM NOT A HAS BEEN YOU, LITTLE PANTYHOSE FREAK!!!" Jericho snapped, causing the confident smirk to leave Pantyhose Taro's face.

Without another word, Pantyhose Taro's fist shot into the gut of the self-styled Living Legend. As Chris Jericho stumbled back, the confident smirk returned to Pantyhose Taro's face only to have it knocked off when Y2J's return punch connected. The fight continued as the two walking egos continued to battle down the hallway.

April picked up the microphone and looked into the camera with a sour expression.

"Back to you J.R.," She grumbled.

"Sorry April and thank you," J.R. apologized. "That Jericho can be such a jackass."

"Pantyhose Taro isn't any better," Daisuke noted. "I just hope they don't run into any cold water."

"Yes," Hiroshi agreed. "That would be bad. What does Chris Jericho turn into anyway?"

"What?" Daffy blanched.

"He's not cursed," Daisuke said as he covered his face in embarrassment.

"Oh, right!" Hiroshi sweat-dropped. "I keep forgetting not everybody is...even though were not either."

"Idiot," Daffy muttered.

Anyway," J.R. announced. "The Women's Championship will be decided right after the Mecha Brawl, and that match is next!"

----

Superman stared at the doorway long after Diana had left. Once the camera stopped transmitting and Clark knew he was alone, his face dropped once more.

"I'm not worried about losing," He said to no one in particular. "I'm more worried about winning."


	15. Mecha Brawl!

The thin, brown-haired boy in the white and blue plugsuit wandered around the unusually busy hanger of NERV headquarters.

"This is getting a little crazy," Shinji Ikari muttered under the din of the numerous crews going over the three extra massive robots taking up the hanger.

Shinji's designated purple Evangelion Unit-01 was also being worked on, while Asuka's red Eva-02 and Ayanami's blue and white Eva-00 remained neck-deep in their separate pools of murky yellow LCL fluid.

As Shinji continued to wander around the unusually busy NERV hangar, he eventually came across a crew working on the strange blue mech in the hanger.

"There!" Exclaimed the husky...bulky...aww, let's face it, fat guy dressed in the clothes of jeans and a T-shirt covered by a plaid flannel red vest. "The latest modification to Megas is finished!"

Of course, this crew was even stranger than the mech, and that's saying something!

"About time, Coop," Said Commander Kiva Onderu, a stunning young woman from the future, as made apparent by her futuristic white jumpsuit with sky blue trim and bulky boots and gauntlets. Her red hair was shaved in the back, short in the front, and long sideburns hanging down to her shoulders. "Now if any of your 'modifications' ever actually worked, we'd be all set."

"Hey, Kiva," Jamie, Coop's black haired, black sweat jacket and snow cap clad lethargic yet sarcastic best friend, called from his lawn chair next to Megas' massive foot. "Looks like someone here has your fashion sense."

That's when Shinji noticed they were looking right at him.

"That's not fashion, Jamie," Kiva corrected the annoying slacker.

"You're telling me," Jamie said, settling in for another Kiva lecture.

"It's a plugsuit," Kiva continued. "He's another mech pilot. I had to wear mine to pilot my Megas before Coop messed up the entire operating system."

"Ahem," Coop coughed. "Uhhh, Kiva...Two things. First of all, it's _my _Megas, and I didn't mess it up, I made it cooler!"

"Maybe for your time," Kiva argued. "In the future, we're too busy surviving attacks by the Glorft to worry about what's 'cool'!"

"I'll tell you what's not cool," Coop chided motioning a thumb over to Shinji. "The fact that I gotta face two kids and that pretty boy lawyer in this match."

"What about the other two?" Kiva asked.

"Those two," Coop said with an adventurous gleam in his eye. "I'm really looking forward to...Unlike the mama's boy over there."

"Yeah," Jamie laughed as he joined in. "And what're those things on your head? Barrettes? You look like a little girl!"

"Ha ha! Good one!" Coop laughed as he high-fived his slacker friend.

"There not barrettes," Kiva said. "They help him mentally command his mech. Why do you think I have a hole in the back of my head?"

"Uhh...food?" Coop asked.

"Interactive pleasure sims?" Jamie hoped.

"..." Kiva replied. "You two are idiots."

"Whatever, Megas is gonna wipe the floor with all those other hunks of junk," Coop said, turning back to Shinji. "What do you say to that, huh?"

"I...uhh...I gotta go!" Was all the timid teen got out before he turned and ran.

"What's with him?" Coop asked, legitimately confused why Shinji took his ribbing so personally.

"I wonder," Kiva said sarcastically, noting her companions' usual lack of tact or compassion of any kind. "If you ask me, I think there's something very wrong with this entire place."

"I'll say," Coop said, rubbing his sizable stomach. "They don't even have a snack bar."

Back in the EMW arena, the fans cheered as an unseen orchestra struck up a triumphant number recognized far and wide as the theme to "Star Wars".

"Who's going to join us this time?" King asked, hopeful that it would be Princess Leia, or anyone else, who could pull of wearing a brass bikini.

"All I know for sure is that it's someone familiar with high tech mechanics," Daisuke said.

"Like Han Solo or Chewbacca?" Daffy asked.

"I'm not sure," April admitted. "For all I know it could be Luke Skywalker as well."

"Wait!" Hiroshi yelled. "Here he comes! It's--It's--!"

----

_This just keeps getting worse and worse,_ Shinji thought as he put more distance between himself and the insane crew of the Megas.

However, Shinji soon came across another young man about his age, watching intently as a group of technicians finished tuning a war-like white mech trimmed in red, blue, and yellow.

Shinji approached the brown-haired teen in the green tank top. Shinji recalled the name Heero Yuy and hoped he was correct as he approached the brown-haired young man and offered a greeting of friendship.

"H-hi--"

"Go away."

"W-what?" Shinji blanched in response to Heero's abrupt rejection. "I-I just thought--"

"I have no time for the weak," Heero answered sternly without even looking away from his mobile suit.

"Yeah, but I just thought--."

Heero cut him off with a menacing glare. The cold, unfeeling glare of one who's seen too much and knows the meaning of pain and loss. The glare of a man who keeps to himself and does not suffer fools lightly. It was the very same glare Shinji has seen from his father on more than one occasion.

Shinji backed away from Heero's cold stare, unfortunately not knowing or particularly caring where he was going.

Shinji was halted when he backed into something and spun around at the sound of falling papers and a disgruntled moan.

He turned to find a tall man in a jet-black suit picking up the papers that had spilled out of his briefcase while a pale red-haired girl in a black gothic lolita dress simply stood beside him.

"You could help, Dorothy," The man muttered as he neatly placed the last sheets back into his attaché case.

"Why?" The girl asked calmly. "You seem to be doing just fine on your own, Roger Smith."

"I-I'm sorry," Shinji stuttered.

"That's alright, kid," Roger said with a frustrated sigh. "Say, do you know where I can find Gendo Ikari?"

"W-what do you want with my dad?"

"Negotiator business," Roger replied curtly before lightening up and extending his hand. "Roger Smith."

"Shinji Ikari," The nervous teen said as he shook the negotiator's hand.

"So, do you know where your father is?"

"Y-yeah," Shinji blurted. "Yes. He should be in his office. Up there."

Shinji pointed to a large window, high above the work floor. Roger looked at the highly reflective surface as if he was staring directly at a highly undesirable confrontation.

"Thanks," He said as he began to walk away, the red-haired girl turning to follow him. "Dorothy, would you mind keeping Shinji company until I get back?"

"Yes."

"Tough. Stay here."

Dorothy watched as Roger left then turned her cold, emotionless stare on Shinji.

"Hi," Shinji said politely. "I'm Shinji Ikari."

Dorothy simply continued to stare.

"Uhh..." Shinji began. "Where are you fr--"

"Miss Dorothy!" An elderly bald gentleman with a gray moustache yelled from the foot of a massive black mech. "Could you come here for a moment, please?"

"Coming, Norman," Dorothy called as she completely ignored the boy in front if her and walked towards the hulking black mass.

Shinji just stared after her, pondering this strange and frightening feeling of _déjà vu'._

"She seems so familiar..."

"You've got to be kidding me," Daisuke slapped his forehead as a diminutive droid rolled down the entrance ramp followed by a humanoid robot stiffly shuffling behind.

"A gold-plated tin man and a garbage can on wheels are going to do commentary?" King asked.

"It sure looks like it," April said.

"Welcome aboard," J.R. greeted the two droids as they approached the commentating table and sat down.

"Thank you, Sir," The golden-hued droid said as he plugged his companion and himself into the microphone system. "Please allow me to introduce myself, my name is C-3PO, human/cyborg relations, and this is my counterpart, R2-D2."

The white and blue cylindrical droid beeped out an unintelligible greeting.

"WHAZZUP!!!" Hiroshi replied.

Artoo beeped again.

"WHAZZUP!!!"

"How uncivilized!" C-3PO shouted in disgust. "Artoo! Stop that at once!"

"Hiroshi," Daisuke sighed. "I don't know which is weirder: That you'd actually use such a dated gag, or that an outer space robot seems to get the reference."

"Why's that weird?" Hiroshi asked, as did R2-D2 (At least, I think that's what that beeping means).

"Nevermind."

----

Shinji didn't understand. Sadly, this was usually the case, which only served to depress the young man even further.

Why does his father always have to make him fight? He doesn't like to fight. He's not a violent person, just a shy, quiet kid. True, he could understand the need to protect the world from the Angels, although he never really knew what keeps making them attack, but he'd much rather just listen to music and do his homework.

So why does his father always make him the one to fight? Why does he have to be the one to fight all these scary people for some dumb TV show? Why not Asuka?

She approached him just before he left for the hanger. She told him that he doesn't deserve to be in this match. She believed it should have been her to be the one on television.

And unfortunately, Shinji had to agree with her. It should be Asuka out here getting ready for battle. She's the one who craves the spotlight. She's the best fighter out of all of them. She _is_ a violent person.

Maybe he's always the one to fight because his father has the most faith in him. As much as Shinji wants to, he can't help but find that idea a more than a little hard to believe. He's always the one chosen because his father can intimidate and control him the most. Asuka and Rei follow orders, but Shinji is the one that can truly be commanded.

The things he's seen, the things his father has made him do. It wakes him up in the middle of the night.

Other boys his age dream of girls (Especially Misato, or so he's told by his friends at school), but all Shinji can remember dreaming of these days is monsters. Monsters and his father, although sometimes it gets difficult to tell the difference.

Shinji made his way to an uninhabited corner of the massive hanger, away from the intimidating giant robots he was soon expected to battle, and their even more intimidating pilots.

He hid from the room full of people by ducking behind a parked Peterbilt semi-truck. Nearly exhausted from stress, Shinji leaned against the driver's side of the truck's red cab and slid himself to the floor until he was sitting with his knees cradled to his chest.

Finally out of the limelight for a few precious moments, Shinji released a deep, depressed sigh.

"What's wrong?" Shinji heard a voice from behind him that was both calm and friendly, but at the same time deep and commanding.

"Nothing," Shinji sighed, almost on the verge of tears. "And everything. I can pilot the Eva, I can fight, I can win against the angels, but why should I have to?"

"It is a true shame that one so young has to struggle with such emotions," The voice stated. "Regardless, I know what you mean. Despite all of the questions raised by the never-ending battle between good and evil, the answer to why is simple; Because we're the only ones who can."

"_'We'_?" It took Shinji a moment to realize that it was the truck itself that was actually talking.

"WHA-WHAT?!?" Shinji shouted and jumped away from the apparently possessed vehicle. "WHO--_WHAT_ ARE YOU?"

"I am Optimus Prime, leader of the Autobots," The red cab spoke. "I am supposed to be one of your opponents."

"Uhh...hi," Shinji offered, wishing he could sound as confident as the being he thought was merely an inanimate object just ten seconds ago (Boy, that's a depressing thought). "I'm Shinji. Shinji Ikari. I'm supposed to fight a truck?"

"Not really," Optimus chuckled. "We Autobots can disguise ourselves as normal Earth vehicles to avoid causing a panic."

"Oh," Shinji replied. "But what are you doing on this TV show?"

The Autobot leader remained silent for a long moment, until the sweet, but authoritarian voice of Misato Katsuragi came over the PA.

"Attention. All non-authorized personnel must leave the hanger immediately. Tokyo-3 goes live in five minutes."

"I need your help," Optimus solemnly pleaded with the young man in front of him. "When the sixth combatant reveals himself, I want you to stay as far away from him as possible. I need your help to keep the other three away as well. The others may show some restraint in battle, but Megatron will not hesitate to destroy any of you."

"At any rate," J.R. said. "Are you two ready to call this incredible match-up?"

"Of course, Sir," Threepio said proudly. "My knowledge and mechanical expertise are at your disposal."

R2-D2 gave a laughing series of beeps and whistles.

"What do you mean 'For all the good that will do'?" Threepio cried. "I happen to be more qualified than you for this sort of thing, you outdated bucket of spare hardware!"

"These two fight even more than Hiroshi and Daisuke," King observed.

"Yeah," Daffy agreed. "This just might be fun after all."

"Well, it looks like the match is about to begin," J.R. announced. "We now take you live to the empty streets of Tokyo-3 for our big Mecha Brawl!"

The streets of Tokyo-3 where free and clear, as is almost always the case when the platform holding Eva-01 quickly rises from the ground.

However, unlike the norm, the gangly purple armored form with orange and lime green trim, stood among a forest of concrete and glass skyscrapers that have yet to lower to the underground safety of the NERV base until it stepped off of the platform.

"Why're the buildings lowering into the ground?" Lawler asked as the impressive-sized structures began to move.

"Safety reasons, King," Daisuke answered. "During Angel attacks, the entire city of Tokyo-3 is designed so it can lower into the hallow underground bunker of NERV headquarters. The structures left above ground are used to house weapons and a power source for the Evangelion units, like Eva-01 there, in combat."

"Better than letting them get destroyed every other week, I guess," Daffy observed.

"Oh, I quite agree, sir," C-3PO said.

"Wait a minute...'Angels'?" April asked.

"Yes," Daisuke offered in lieu of explanation. "It's...complicated."

As the buildings continued to lower, Shinji spied the first of his opponents a few streets away.

IN THE NAME OF GOD. YE NOT GUILTY.

The massive form of a bulky black mech loomed over the city streets, vaguely resembling an old-fashioned steam engine locomotive in the torso and possessing massive, black-shielded forearms.

"Big O," Daisuke announced. "The oddly named Megadeus from Paradigm City."

R2-D2 gave a whistle and quick beep.

"R2-D2!" C-3PO shouted. "How vulgar!"

"I don't know what he said, but I know I like it!" King laughed. "Hey, April, have you ever seen the Bi--"

King was knocked unconscious before he even finished his sentence.

"Yeah," J.R. said evenly. "He had it coming."

The loud revving of an car engine echoed throughout the still lowering buildings of Tokyo-3 until a strange blue mech leaped onto the scene covered with flame decals and a classic red convertible in place of a head.

"It's Coop in the Megas XLR!" Hiroshi shouted. "The **M**echanized **E**arth **G**uard **A**ttack **S**ystem e**X**tra **L**arge **R**obot was built for battle and so was its pilot!"

R2-D2 beeped and whistled in an attempt to remind Hiroshi to breathe.

"I take it Megas has been _heavily_ modified," April dryly observed.

"Quite so, Miss O'Neil," Threepio said. "Mr. Coop has displayed an impressive ability to adapt and modify future technology to his rather... questionable liking."

"And luckily, his video game savvy has made him the perfect battling robot pilot!" Hiroshi added.

A sonic boom tore across the sky an instant before a fourth competitor suddenly dropped into their midst.

It was an impressive battle-ready mech with blue and white mechanical "wings". Primarily white and red, with blue and yellow trim, carrying a massive shield in one hand and a giant twin barreled laser rifle in the other.

"This is the XXXG-00W0 Wing Gundam Zero," C-3PO explained. "Its pilot, Heero Yuy, despite his young age, is already used to the horror of fighting in wars. His experience and training, along with his habit of obediently following orders, has earned him the reputation of being the perfect soldier."

Artoo whistled and beeped in response.

"Good point, Artoo," Hiroshi said. "This kid is another guy who's not going to be pulling any punches!"

"What we missed," Added Daisuke. "Is the mobile suit's alternate flight mode, dubbed the 'Neo-Bird'."

"Persicely, Mr. Daisuke," Threepio said. "Gundam Wing Zero is able to transform, as our next competitor is known for."

The red and blue cab of a 1980s style Cab-Over semi-trailer came into veiw, barreling down the street towards the gathered gaggle of giants.

Suddenly, the truck actually leaped into the air and began to transform with a unique electronic whirring sound. The red, white, and blue humanoid form of Optimus Prime landed among the other four giant mechanized comatants holding a laser rifle and waiting for something to happen.

"Optimus Prime," C-3PO said. "The noble leader of the heroic Autobots. He is a wise and powerful warrior, but one has to wonder if his innate compassion will be a drawback when fighting for sport."

"Then why is he even here?" Daffy asked.

Suddenly, an explosion erupted from the back of Big O. From far behind the staggered black mech, a clap of devious laughter echoed like thunder.

"That's why," Daisuke said as the last building lowered into the ground, revealing a silver robot trimmed in black and red; a jagged, purple Decepticon insignia clear on his chest. With a twisted smirk on his face and an evil gleam in his red optics, the robot lowered his smoking arm cannon. "Megatron, leader of the Decepticons. Big, bad, and quite probably the most dangerous combatant in this match."

OPTIMUS PRIME

VS.

GUNDAM WING ZERO

VS.

MEGATRON

VS.

EVANGELION UNIT-O1

VS.

BIG O

VS.

MEGAS XLR

DING!

Big O staggerd forward as the yellow/green beam saber of Wing Zero flashed towards the chest cockpit of the black mech. The sheiding of Big O's massive forearm blocked the attack and retaliated by striking the Gundam with its other gigantic arm, knocking Wing Zero back across the concrete battlefield.

"Shinji," The beautiful but commanding voice of Misato came to the Eva pilot "Back up Optimus Prime. Help him neutrilize Megatron. He's the most immediate threat."

"No," Contradicted the deep voice of Shinji's fateher and Commander of the NERV Orgization. "Attack the Big O."

"B-but what abo--?" Shinji tried to interject.

"_Now_, Shinji," Gendo Ikari commanded. "Big O is an enemy sent by the one who controls the Angels. Destroy it!"

"O-okay...," Shinji responded, now remembering the promise he made to Optimus Prime.

As Big O passed by to continue his assult on Wing Zero, the arm of Eva-01 darted out and grabbed the face of the bulky black mecha. With a roar, the purple Eva slammed Big O backwards into one of the remaining buildings, showering the streets with glass and motar. For its trouble, Eva-01 suffered a crack across the jaw from Big O's massive fist.

"Megatron!" Optimus Prime called. "This is it! This time, I _will _bring you down!"

"You will try," Megatron answered with a viscious smirk from across the vast, empty cityscape. "And as usual, you will fail. This time, however, it will cost you the lives of these pathetic flesh-bags! To think, they actually believe they can imitate our power through mechanical suits."

"Over my deactivated body," Optimus replied, preparing for the onslaught.

"That's the idea."

Before either Transformer could even raise his weapon, Wing Zero cracked Optimus Prime across his masked jaw with its sheild.

"Oh! And a sucker punch from the Gundam knocks down Optimus Prime!" J.R. admonished.

Wing Zero stood silently over Optimus Prime, its face and ignited beam saber pointing across the way towards his intended opponent.

"You have a warrior's spark. I respect that," Megatron said casually. "I'll destroy it utterly and without mercy, but I respect it."

----

As Eva-01 slashed in vain at the sheilded forearms of Big O with its progressive knive, the personel at NERV was left to watch and wonder.

"Why is Shinji fighting with Big O?" asked with obvious concern for her young charge.

Gendo Ikari sat in his elevated command chair watching intently with his hands folded in front of his face.


	16. Impromptu Hardcore Match!

In the arena, both the audience and commentators sat in stunned silence watching the static on the giant screen.

...Well, almost.

"Not again!" Daffy moaned. "I gotta tell ya, we really should invest in some more durable cameras."

When the visual returned, only dust filled the screen.

Slowly, the dust swirling over the remains of Tokyo-3 began to settle. As the veiw became more clear, we can begin to see exactly what, and who, remained standing.

Cracked streets remained. Damaged and windowless buildings remained. Rubble, junk, and debris remained.

And, in a massive, charred crater, Megatron remained.

And, surprisingly enough, Big O, Megas, and what was left of Wing Zero remained laying behind a motionless Eva-01, the shimmer of a massive hexagonal shield slowly fading before them.

----

"Report," Gendo Ikari commanded.

"There is severe structural damage close to the surface, but there is no immediate danger of collapse," One of the NERV technitians reported.

"Evacuations are proceeding as planned and repairs are underway," Another chimed in.

"What is the status of Evangelion Unit-01?" Gendo inquired.

"Shinji must have used his AT-Field to survive the explosion and protect the others," Answered Ritsuko Akagi, a lovely woman with short blond hair in a lab coat.

"How?"

"I have no idea, Sir," Said Ritsuko. "The AT-Field should have only protected Eva Unit-01. Nothing more."

"Shinji's umbilical cable has been severed!" Misato yelled the instant the monitor screen cleared enough to show that the cord connecting Eva Unit-01 to its power source was indeed no longer connected.

"And he more than likely used up all of his reserve power to protect the others and survive the blast," Ritsuko mentioned.

"That means he's defenseless!" Misato yelled. "I'm calling in Eva-00 and 02 to get him out of there."

"No," Gendo said calmly. "You will not. He refused to follow orders and now he must face the consequences."

"But, Sir," Misato exclaimed as she rose from her seat in outrage. "He's your so--"

"That is enough, Major!" Gendo declared. "Either resume your post or you will be relieved of it."

Misato scowled at her commanding officer, but finally sat back down.

"Good," Gendo said, not even moving his hands from in front of his face. "We will continue to monitor the situation."

"So, you're still alive?" Megatron half-snarled/half-sneered. "You fleshsacks are more resilient than I gave you credit for. How...aggravating."

The aggravated Decepticon began to stalk towards the four disabled mechs.

"At least I finally rid myself of that meddlesome Optimus Prime," Megatron gloated, noting the total disappearance of his opposite from the battlefield. "Although, obliterating your arch foe in a single blast just seems so unsatisfactory."

Megatron smiled wickedly as he stood before a stationary Eva-01.

"Rest assured, I will not make the same mistake with the rest of you."

Inside the entry plug of Eva-01, Shinji Ikari awoke and looked at his veiw monitor just in time to see the massive silver fist of Megatron collide with the head of Eva-01.

Even submersed in the yellow LCL fluid, Shinji's head snapped back from the impact from the connection he shared with his Evangelion.

Eva-01 hit the ground in a limp heap.

Megatron stood over his pitiful quarry, taking a minute to scan its fallen form.

"Ah, I see," Megatron said finally before reaching out and hitting a trigger on the back of Eva-01 that ejected Shinji's entry plug with a loud hiss.

"Such an impressive machine," Megatron said, looking at the Evangelion on the ground before turning his attention to the long, thin entry plug containing Shinji Ikari he now held in his hand. "Pity it is piloted by such a weak, inferior creature. Perhaps I can find a better use for it's destructive potential."

Megatron lifted the entry plug to eye level looking for the defenseless human child within.

"Oh God!" April and Misato both gasped in horror.

"Farewell, human."

And Megatron crushed the metal cylinder with Shinji Ikari inside.

Or, at least, he would have if a lanky purple fist hadn't smashed into his face just before another one yanked Shinji's entry plug from his grasp.

"What the hell just happened?!?" J.R. asked both confused and releaved.

"I...I don't know," April said, feeling much the same way. "It looks like Eva-01 just rescued Shinji, but how?"

"I have no idea," Daisuke said, also expressing the same feeling as the rest of the commentating table. "Without power or a pilot, an Eva shouldn't be able to move at all."

True to Daisuke's words, when Megatron recovered he found a montionless Eva-01 holding onto Shinji's undamaged entry plug.

"It doesn't matter how you did that, human," Megatron growled, leveling his arm cannon on the still unmoving Eva. "What matters is that you will do nothing ever again."

"Think again, Megatron," A deep, compassionate voice said before Megatron's arm cannon was torn off his arm and use to club the Decepticon in the face.

"Why don't you pick on somebody your own size, Megatron?" Optimus Prime said as he tossed his enemy's primary weapon away.

"YES!!!" Hiroshi cheered, then sang (Accompanied by R2-D2). "o/You

Got the Touch!!! You Got the Powah!!! Yeah! o/"

To which Daffy and Daisuke simultaneously slapped him upside the head.

"No Stan Bush for you," Daisuke snapped.

Hiroshi recovered quickly, "Optimus Prime has made a miraculous return and rescued Shinji Ikari at the very last second!!!"

"Prime?!?" Megatron bellowed. "How--how did you survive?!?"

"You shouldn't worry how I survived, Megatron," Optimus said. "But how you're going to."

Then Megatron noticed a sight that made the energon inside him begin to boil with rage.

Megas and Big O were getting up.

"NO!!!" Megatron bellowed and leapt towards his Optimus Prime.

There was a thunderous crash as the dropkick from Megas collided with Megatron in mid-air.

The evil robot skidded across the burnt ground, only to stop at the feet of Big O. With one mighty kick, Megatron was sent flying through the air right back to where he was moments before.

Megatron was at least allowed to get up off the ground before the well deserved attack resumed.

"Hey Megs!" Coop said as Megas picked up a charred billboard and lobbed it at the recovering Decepticon. "Catch!"

Megatron easily snatched the metal sheet out of the air in front of him.

"Is that al--?" Megatron said before a spinning back kick ended his taunt by smashing the billboard into his face.

"And Megas delivers the World's largest Van Daminator!!!" J.R. hyped.

"Don't mess with me, 'cause I'm C-O-P!" Coop taunted, even making Megas do the "thumb-point". "Uhh...except with another 'O'."

"Yeah..." Daffy drawled as Megatron scrambled to regain his footing. "A real progeny that one."

Big O raised his arms to his forehead and released the purple ray of its Chromiun Buster on the evil Decepticon, tearing a devistating scar along Megatron's torso.

Megatron screamed in raged pain, but still somehow remained standing.

Coop looked excitedly at his over crowded dashboard. His hand passed over the buttons labled "Owwie", "Hurt", and "Mutilate", hitting the big red one marked "BRING DA PAIN!"

Panels, doors, and turrets opened on every part of Megas, revealing s ores of missles, guns, and laser cannons of every shape and size.

They all hit Megatron at once, engulfing him in a massive explosion.

When the smoke cleared, Megatron was still standing...barely.

"Megatron is certainly one tough customer," J.R. said with no small amount of respect for the power of the diabolical tyrant.

"He takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin'!" Hiroshi said with no respect...or sense...at all.

"Quite," C-3PO replied, albeit reluctantly. "The Decepticons as a whole, and especially their leader, Megatron, respect very little, except for power. Which is why they are always after more."

"It's also why they often fail," April said, having seen his type far too often before.

"A wise observation, Miss O'Neil," Threepio agreed.

"I'll...kill...all of you..." Megatron managed to gasp, not an inch of his once gleaming silver armor left undamaged in some way.

"You won't hurt anyone ever again!" Roger Smith declared as he prepared for one final attack. "Big O! Action!!!"

The huge right fist of Big O impacted into the torso of the damaged Transformer, but it didn't stop there. A gigantic piston shot out from its elbow joint and with a deafening release of air blasted a massive explosion right through Megatron's chest.

With a pitiful groan, the once proud Decepticon, now with a hole in his body big enough to drive a truck through, fell to his knees.

Big O and Megas began to move in, but where stayed by the hand of Optiums Prime.

"Give it up, Megatron," Said the compassionate Autobot leader. "It's over. You've lost."

"You pathetic creatures think you've won?" Megatron snapped. "Think agai--"

"Megatron!"

The surprised Decpticon looked to his side to find the headless remains of Gundam Wing Zero with its pilot staring up at him defiantly.

Heero Yuy stood on the platform made by the open cockpit of Wing Gundam with the self-destruct button in his hand and murder in his eyes. "You should've killed me when you had the chance."

"You are willing to die, taking your enemy with you rather than admit defeat?" Megatron said more to himself than Heero. "Maybe I was wrong about you, Pest."

Then Megatron laughed.

Then Heero pushed the button.

The following explosion was marred only by the sight of a giant figure running into the blast, but thankfully it did not knock out the camera feed.

"Heero Yuy just triggered the self-destruct on his Gundam!!!" J.R. shouted. "Why?!? Megatron was beat He didn't have to kill himself to prove a point! That's crazy!"

"Oh dear!" Exclaimed C-3PO.

"I saw someone run into the blast!" April said. "Who was it?"

"I don't know!" Hiroshi shouted. "Was it Optimus?!?"

"It's…it's…" Daisuke waited to get a clear look at the figure stepping back through the flames.

"Whoa, dude," Coop said to the angry young man held in Megas' hands. "I dig the Kamikaze routine, but it's only cool if you live through it!"

"IT'S COOP!!!" Hiroshi screamed. "Coop used Megas to save the suicidal Heero Yuy!!!"

"His Gundam may be totalled, but at least Heero's alive," April sighed.

"I agree wholeheartedly, Miss O'Neil," Threepio added.

"So, uhh...What happens now?" Coop asked as he set Heero down next to the still unmoving Eva-01.

"I have accomplished what I set out to do," Optimus Prime said. "Defeat Megatron and defend the people of Earth, neither of which I could have done today without the help of you four. Thank you all, but I withdraw from the match. I have no further reason to fight."

On a private line between Megas and Big O, Roger Smith appeared on a small screen in front of Coop.

"And it looks I'm _not_ going to accomplish what I was here to do, so I'm out too," The Nagotiator said. "Looks like you win Coop."

"Awww, man! I wanted more action!" Coop griped, slamming his hand on the dashboard, which caused a spare missle to fire and destroy the last remaining undamaged building.

"Oops! Uhh...okay. Heh heh! I'm done."

"There you have it!" J.R. said. "Coop wins on account of everyone else either withdrew or is unable to continue."

"Especially Megatron!" Hiroshi cheered.

"What an odd, yet celebratory, turn of events," Threepio observed. "I fear I'll never fully understand humans."

"You and me both, Brother," The little black duck chimed in.

Suddenly, R2-D2 burst out in a series of excited chirps and whistles.

"Appearantly I'll never understand droids either," Daffy said.

"What?" Threepio scolded. "You actually placed a wager on that match...and you won?"

R2-D2 beeped an affermative then gave a long low whistle.

"Vegas odds where _what?!_?" Hiroshi shouted, nearly falling out of his chair. "Dude! You're rich!"

R2-D2 replied with a laughing series of chirps and beeping as he began to roll away from the table.

"'Quit'?" C-3PO asked in a panic as he followed the other droid up the ramp and into the back. "What do you mean, 'You quit'? You can't quit! What about the Republic? Artoo? Artoo!!!"

"C-3PO said it best," J.R. said as the cameras returned their attention to the commentating table. "'What an odd, yet celebratory, turn of events'. Coop wins the Mecha Brawl in Tokyo-3 after Gundam Wing Zero, Eva-01, and Megatron are disabled and Optimus Prime and Big O see no reason to continue fighting."

"But the fighting will continue with the upcoming Women's Title Match followed by a very special match referred to only as 'Amerifan vs. Otaku'," Hiroshi added. "Featuring two guys who would have otherwise been joining us doing commetary!"

"Yeah," Daffy griped, pushing Jerry Lawler's unconcious form away from him. "Like it's not crowded enough here already."

"But before we get to that, we have an incoming report from Major Misato Katsuragi of NERV regarding the state of Tokyo-3 and our fighters," April said. "If we could get it up on the big screen? Major Katsuragi? Can you hear me?"

"Sure can," Sang the peppy voice of Misato as she appeared on the large arena screen. "Hey everyone! Misato here with an update on the situation in Tokyo-3!"

"Welcome, Major," J.R. cordially replied. "We saw a lot of damaged caused by that last fight, how are the people of Tokyo-3 holding up?"

"Everyone's fine, J.R.," Misato assured him. "Both evacuations and repairs are well underway and going smoothly. Thankfully, although there was massive property damage, there weren't any casualties (Except Megatron, of course)."

"What about the other fighters?" Daisuke asked.

"The four pilots have been retrieved and are being treated even as we speak," Misatoanswered. "Optimus Prime is also receiving repairs and regular maintenance in the Nerv hanger. So it looks like everything here is going to be a-okay!"

"Glad to hear it," April said. "Thanks for the update Misato and we hope to see you again soon."

"No problem, April!" Misato waved good-bye and added a wink. "See you guys later! And next time, I promise they'll be lots of fan service!"

"Huh? Wha? Who?" King groaned as he finally regained consiousness.

"Is he going to be okay?" Daffy asked.

"Oh boy! Misato!" King cheered. "Plus, next time she promised fan service! Woo hoo! I can hardly wait!"

"...He'll be fine," April and J.R. deadpanned together.

----

In the empty interview area backstage, the shadow of a girl with braided pigtails appeared on the wall and extravagantly placed her hand in front of her mouth as if telling a secret.

"Do you know? Do you know? Have you heard the news?"

A second young feminine shadow with a distinct bow in her hair joined the first, holding up what was apparently a barker's megaphone.

"Come one, come all!" She barked. "To the greatest show on Earth!"

"The lights! The spectacle! The action!" The other chimed in.

"Those fight for love," The bowed shadow girl swooned holding her hands over her heart.

"These fight for honor," The pigtailed shadow proclaimed, brandishing a fencing rapier.

"Some fight for fame," The bowed one posed as flashbulbs shuttered around her.

"Others for power," The other cutely snarled appearently holding one of the previous flashes in her clenched fist.

"But it's more than just wrestling, fighting, or sports entertainment."

"It is an opportunity for powerbroakers on a galactic scale."

"It is a game orchestrated by the gods themselves."

"It is a battle against fate for the destiny of all mankind!"

"Plus, it makes for some really great television!"

The pigtailed shadow girl facefaulted at the comment by her counterpart, but quickly recovered.

Together, the shadow girls chanted and danced.

"Do you know? Do you know? Do you _really _know?"


End file.
